Goodbye Jasper

[Summer Morse]

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Good dog owners have to make hard decisions and that’s all about having a pet. Hard at the time but we all have to accept that this will happen. Sorry for your loss from Jane and the boys

 

[Ross J]

So sorry to hear about Jasper

 

[Hemlock]

There is such a chasm between managing intellectually and managing emotions. It takes as long as it takes, and you can't rush it. Look after your own needs and don't feel you have to hurry the process of bereavement. You have positive plans in place and a great attitude, so be kind also to yourself. I've been through this so many times, and it is always awful, can't be suppressed, mustn't be put aside for other people who don't understand.

Lean on us. We know. We are here for you.

 

[JudyN]

Thank you, everyone's support means a lot

We went over to DS2 and family yesterday. I rather expected for us all to be in tears at sometime, but we were fine - able to talk about Jasper, and go for a walk in one of his old haunts. Today we went to Pamphill, a beautiful unspoilt village with great walks, that J used to love. I made it as far as the car park, where the signs to the bluebell wood set me off. Which is silly, because Jasper had to be on lead for that bit, and I'm sure he didn't appreciate the beauty! And then when we got to the bluebell woods, we bumped into some people with a couple of lurchers. I'd been fine meeting labs, cockerpoos, etc., but that did for me again... We did have a nice chat to them once I could actually speak, though.

A bit later, we rounded a corner to see a roe deer no more than 30 foot from us, who took his sweet time in disappearing. Jasper would usually have been off lead at this point, so this was a funny mix of 'Thank goodness he wasn't with us' and 'He would REALLY have loved this'

We had lunch out, and once again had the painful moment of realising there was no one to leave the last bit for. This happens three times a day... which just shows how well he had trained us!

I've decided that the freedom I feel now is a bit like going out in a skirt and no knickers - there's something rather liberating, but it still feels all wrong

 

[RGC]

Thank you, everyone's support means a lot

We went over to DS2 and family yesterday. I rather expected for us all to be in tears at sometime, but we were fine - able to talk about Jasper, and go for a walk in one of his old haunts. Today we went to Pamphill, a beautiful unspoilt village with great walks, that J used to love. I made it as far as the car park, where the signs to the bluebell wood set me off. Which is silly, because Jasper had to be on lead for that bit, and I'm sure he didn't appreciate the beauty! And then when we got to the bluebell woods, we bumped into some people with a couple of lurchers. I'd been fine meeting labs, cockerpoos, etc., but that did for me again... We did have a nice chat to them once I could actually speak, though.

A bit later, we rounded a corner to see a roe deer no more than 30 foot from us, who took his sweet time in disappearing. Jasper would usually have been off lead at this point, so this was a funny mix of 'Thank goodness he wasn't with us' and 'He would REALLY have loved this'

We had lunch out, and once again had the painful moment of realising there was no one to leave the last bit for. This happens three times a day... which just shows how well he had trained us!

I've decided that the freedom I feel now is a bit like going out in a skirt and no knickers - there's something rather liberating, but it still feels all wrong

……but you’ve kept your sense of humour.

 

[JudyN]

……but you’ve kept your sense of humour.

Oh yes, I hope I never lose that. I'm now contemplating the irony of the fact that despite doing over 10,000 this morning and the fact that it's peeing it down, Mr R was feeling restless and unsettled again so I've had to take him out for another walk! It's like Jasper has taken over his brain!

Just as long as he doesn't expect a treat at bedtime.......

 

[Hanne]

So sorry to read this!
❤

 

[JudyN]

Uhhhh.... the physical effects of grief: my eyes hurt, my head aches, my muscles ache, I feel exhausted, I'm perpetually thirsty, my appetite is variable... a lot of this is down to crying, my posture having gone to pot and early waking. Also, we're doing housework (there's a lot to catch up on and my washing pile is ridiculous), gardening, and walking even further than previously to distract ourselves. We're going to some local gardens this afternoon which don't allow dogs in, so at least there will be no reminders there.

I'm walking to a pub with DIL for coffee tomorrow morning. She's a great believer in letting it all out and will probably feel she's not done her job properly if we don't shed tears. But I switch between stoic, rational, coping (possibly bottling it up) mode and snot-&-tears mode with little warning and to be honest, the former is less painful.

Happy thoughts: We've arranged to spend a few days at my mum's next month - she has a cataract op booked and it will mean that my brother won't have to make a very long trip to be there for at least the first night. We'll be able to visit lots of rellies who we haven't seen for a few years. Also, DS2&DIL had fancied a Center Parcs holiday later in the year but realised it was too expensive for them. Now the plan is that we'll all go so we can split the cost, which will work out a lot less. So lots to look forward to, but right now, it really is hard and painful. As it should be, I guess. No idea how long the pain will go on for, but I'm not going to set any expectations, for me or Mr N. He's not much better than me.

 

[Hemlock]

You are doing everything right. It does take time, and how much time is not a given. It can come back and sandbag you when you are least expecting it, or you can feel a glow because you had so much that is only known to those of us who are truly at one with our dogs. Hugs.

 

[Flobo]

One day at a time eh...though sometimes it's one moment at a time...

 

[Flobo]

It can come back and sandbag you when you are least expecting it

That's absolutely right, I think Jake had been gone a good 18months or more when a fella in our local shop who I hadn't bumped into for a long while asked how he was doing(we used to see him on our walks and he'd always stop and say hi and chat to Jake and me), and the tears seemed to come like a bolt from the blue as I told him, it really took me my surprise...

 

[JudyN]

I can't believe Jake's been gone that long, Flobo

The reminders are relentless - just preparing and eating a meal, at least half a dozen times we think must keep J out of the kitchen, need to let this oily pan cool down, I can't leave too much cream because he'll get the bowl to lick and it can upset his tommy. When the grocery delivery van pulls up, we're thinking about stairgates, and not getting up too quick and startling him...

But here's interesting... we usually share a large bag of crisps over the weekend, but I wasn't able to eat many each evening - they seemed saltier than usual. This evening we had chips and I put my usual amount of salt on but again, they seemed too salty. So a quick bit of googling uncovers that dehydration can make things tase saltier, and grief often leads to dehydration. This isn't purely due to fluid loss when you cry or forgetting to drink water - it's just the toll of all the emotional stuff going on. Both Mr N and I were incredibly thirsty over the first couple of days.

Emotions don't usually tend to manifest themselves in my body, so with the Vulcan half of my brain, I'm finding this all quite interesting. DIL has been supporting a friend whose husband died of covid a few months ago, so we can compare notes tomorrow...

 

[Tinytom]

Having one dog especially with the special needs Jasper had you are bound to feel lost for a long time ...
I found Victor and murphys vaccination cards and microchip certificates...set me off
Bob felt much more grief when we lost the dogs than either of his parents went ... ( they werent very nice people )
Xxx

 

[JoanneF]

It's going to be painful for some time but you will find a new normal, when you can look back fondly rather than in sadness. It just hurts so much before you get there. Sending gentle hugs.

 

[Flobo]

I can't believe Jake's been gone that long, Flobo

It was actually 3 years this March 29th just gone... weirdly, having suffered a lot of losses(both human and animal) over the years, this is the only date I seem to remember... this is also the longest ever I've been without a dog of my own since I was 18!
That is very interesting about the dehydration too...

 

[JudyN]

Three years Do you have any plans to get another dog, or are you just waiting to see what life brings you?

I had to take Mr N out for his morning walkies this morning I thought I was feeling tearful, then realised it was hayfever!

I keep thinking of the minor knee surgery I had in 2019. Naturally, I wasn't at all surprised that it hurt for some time after, and I couldn't function properly for weeks, even months. And even now, as there's less meniscus than there was, it gives the odd twinge when I'm not expecting it.

Every year since limping through 2019, I've said 'Next year must be better.' I am never, ever, ever going to say that again

 

[Flobo]

Do you have any plans to get another dog

I would love another dog if one crossed my path, but at the moment the few dogs I do still board (individually) are all getting past 10 themselves now and have a variety of issues or needs so I don't really want to bring a new dog into the mix, I don't think it would be fair on either.
I've looked after and/or walked all of them for the last 8 or 9 years(I lose track of time) so I have a lovely relationship with them all. When they don't need me anymore then I'll have a word with the universe and see what fruitloop in need comes my way!

 

[JudyN]

Awww, that's lovely, Flobo

 

[Crazy Dog Man]

We said goodbye to Jasper this afternoon - although he still loved his food and walks, his dementia meant he was distressed almost all of the rest of the time. Today was better, and he managed a lovely long sleep late morning, then a lovely long walk to two local parks, and then we went to the vets, armed with sausage rolls and cheese & ham croissants.

Ideally he'd have gone to sleep at home, but it would take longer to arrange - and although he was anxious at the vet, it wasn't as bad as his distress at home. The vet gave him an extra-large dose of sedative knowing that he would fight it as much as he could, and he was soon asleep. I am happy that we gave him the best life, and that we made the right decision at the right time. But oh, it hurts when I remember that I don't have to save him the last bit of my sandwich, or that I can leave food out without it getting pinched. Reminders like that are going to floor me for a long time to come.

I'm hitting the gin tonight - and I never drink.....

I felt exactly the same way when I lost Lady, feeling as though I'll never experience her cheeky side anymore breaks my heart, I even miss my parents bringing her to my house and letting her roam my back garden, she'd always guard my garden like the good girl she was

I miss Lady stealing food from my plate and begging us for meat, it's not the same anymore

RIP Jasper...

Feel free to drop me a message anytime you want Judy, you are one of the people who first spoke to me on this website when I join a few years back and you also brought me comfort when I lost my family dog so I'll always be here to support you during this time and so will the rest of this site, we're here for you!

@Josie Can you add some dislike buttons or sad reactions for posts along with crying emojis and crying dog emojis and a black ribbon with a dog bone? I can't like or smile at a thread like this, every dog is a blessing to us

 

[JudyN]

Thank you Crazy Dog Man, that is so sweet of you I'm happy that I've been able to help other dog owners with what Jasper taught me, and if this thread helps others when they are going through similar, that will also be his legacy.

I should also thank Hemlock - I knew her on another forum when Jasper was much younger and wilder, and she really really helped with her sensible advice and understanding. It really would have been a much harder journey without her.

My body is now suffering with the effects of grief on my posture (tension, hunched shoulders), walking even further than usual, and doing gardening & housework to distract me. Maybe this is a sign that the pain of grieving is lessening so bog standard physical pain gets more attention - my physio is going to have a field day tomorrow.