Grieving for an old pal

I can't sleep again tonight - face wet with tears - 9 days ago I said goodbye to my darling Lizzie - and the guilt of deciding to end her life is killing me slowly - at the time when she was so poorly it did seem the proper course of action -- even the morphine injection they gave her didn't stop her pain - so in the morning after cuddling her all night I took her to the vet - they wanted to try more tests and treatment - but I shook my head - it seemed right then and they were very kind to us. Liz completely obedient to the last -'Lie down girl - it's ok' What a liar --Her head became heavy in my hands - and it was done. She was with me for 11 years - possibly 3-5 when I rescued her . I got ovarian cancer the first year she was with me - and she saw me through the darkest days - we shared everything - is this why I can't seem to move - I made her my whole life - now I daren't go outside for fear of having to talk to anybody - everyone loved Lizzie & they will ask. I can't eat or sleep & I fear my family are getting frustrated with me. I went today to a rescue kennel - but came away empty handed. - all I could do was cry - was I being disloyal even contemplating replacing such a pal? I'm heartbroken & can't see a way forward. I'm guessing I'm not alone Am I right?

Letting ones best friend slip away from painful illness is the greatest priveledge ever, one which we are unable to do for our human loved ones.

...and in time to let another little canine friend into your life is to honour Lizzie, if she had not been so wonderfully perfect you would not contemplate loving another

So sorry for your loss

:flowers:

Feeling guilty is the price we pay for doing the right thing for the dogs we love . Someone said to me recently they would not have their dog put to sleep until it collapsed and was unable to move in case they felt guilty . I said nothing , but thought I would never allow that to happen to any dog of mine . My feelings of guilt are less important than allowing my dogs to die with dignity . I have had dogs I loved very much put to sleep to save them from further suffering , I always feel guilty but know I did the right thing .

If in time you feel like offering a home to another dog you will not be replacing Lizzie . I'm sure Lizzie would want you to be happy, dogs are such wonderful creatures they are at their happiest when we are happy . Take comfort from the fact you put lizzie before yourself when she really needed you to do that .

I am a year on from where you are. I can still cry at the drop of a hat. It still hurts that she's not here. But the crushing, breath stealing pain that stalks you is gone except fir tge odd moment here and there. I can breathe, I can smile at her memories (and still cry) and even though I wish it wasn't true and we could have had more quality time with her, I know in my heart that we did the right thing in letting her go when we did.

You will get through (not over) in your own time. Hang onto the fact that you did do the right thing. And you had the gift of having that last night to love on her and say goodbye. Having that choice us a two edged sword. But so many don't have that opportunity to say goodbye. That's part of what I hang onto myself. I got to fill her last days with so much extra love.

Take care and share as much as you need. We understand

Oops Missed your last sentence. You are not disloyal and you are not replacing her. You are honouring her and the love she taught and shared with you by continuing to share it with another.

Some people need another tight away even to give them something to focus on. Others need more time. You will know when it's right. We already had other dogs and they were wonderful in taking care if us and helping us through our pain (and us with theirs)

Wendy