Please help dont know what to do

Hi all

Sorry in advance as this will be a long post but please stick with it and read it all so you can really undeestand why i need advice and help in knowing what to do.
So some of you will know that i have my heart set on having a bernese mountain dog (still do) but ive now found myself in a predicament and really need your advice and help please.
4yrs ago now i was dignosed with Tinnitus ( ringing in the ears) i can hear a plane engine type noise in both ears and luckily it mild and i have got used to it but the worst part about the condtion is that it can get worser if im not careful around noise. By this i mean it will get louder. At the moment i cant hear it over the TV ect and only hear it in a quiet room. But if it gets louder then with Severe Tinnitus you can hear it over everything and cant mask it and it makes you go mad and drives you nuts and when its that bad it takes all quality of life away and the rate of suicide is high for severe tinnitus.
I did struggle in the beginning and was very suicidal , it was hard to try to come to terms that i would have to hear this noise for the rest of my life and now im fine and come out the other end im scared to death of ever it getting worser and going back to that fear of the noise and going back to being suicidal.
One of the things i can do is prevent being around loud noises as much as possible such as when im on trains and buses i wear earplugs and in busy citys and loud places i wear ear protection but i avoid ect loud places such as clubs, concerts , cinemas ect.
The reason im telling you all this is because my dream is to own a dog my parents would never let me have one and i have waited for years till i was on my own but also until i had the time , i work from home part time. But dog barking can be loud and some people with Tinnitus are fine around dog barking others are not but even those who are being around it constantly for example can eventually cause a permanent increase in the loudness.
Now i asked on the tinnitus forum about this and apart from reccomendations of get a cat there silent which i understood why they said that im not a cat person and am only interested in dogs , the main advice i got was get the quietest dog breed that suits you.
By quiet they mean one who is not very reactive to things like someone coming to the door, not reacting to someone or somthing in the garden and and those who had dogs all said im getting it wrong with a berner as with them being a passive guard they are more likely to bark then a lab or golden. The dog people on the tinnitus forum were reccomending labs, Goldens , one also reccomended a eurasier as hers doesn't bark a lot.
So they said it is possible to own a dog and not worsern Tinnitus but you have to pick a quiet breed. Im also only talking about barking , things like whining and other vocalizations are not loud enough to worsern Tinnitus its mainly barks and really high pitched noises that are the main issue so they told me to avoid breeds who are more likley to be vocal\barky , or react to strangers at the door by barking ect.
I just am not sure what to do as on facebook groups for the berner and a few on there had tinnitus and said berners are not a vocal breed and ill be fine but some have contacted me through messenger privately to advise i dont go for a guard breed and go for a golden ect?
I really am wanting help on if you feel there all right i should say no to the Bernese and choose a more quiter breed? Is that even possible like they say?
I want to also point out i know all dogs bark and that its there way of communication and luckily my ears are fine with dog barking but if i get a dog for example who barks a lot that will eventually make my condition worser which is why its important i get it right now.

I really appreciate any advice\help and thank you for reading it all sorry again it was so long

I have tinnitus too, but that doesn't mean you and I have the same tinnitus - it's a horrible condition however it presents, and you are very wise to consider the future before getting a dog.

Nothing much can be done until the end of lockdown, so plenty of time to plan. I'd say if your heart wants a Bernese, get a Bernese. Almost all dogs bark, and the ones that don't (e.g. Basenji) make all sorts of other noises. The silent dog hasn't been invented. So getting a type or breed you don't particularly want isn't going to help you - you'll still have a dog that will bark/whine/howl and you'll still have your tinnitus.

I'd suggest (after lockdown) that you go to a few dog shows that include a class for Bernese, stay around them and see if you can talk to some breeders/showing people. See how your tinnitus works with the general hubbub of dog showing.

There are breeds that are quieter than others, but Golden Retrievers aren't one of them. You have to be careful (as I'm sure you know) about what people tell you. Also every breed/type has its drawbacks, which might be worse for you than barking.

Hemlock said:

I have tinnitus too, but that doesn't mean you and I have the same tinnitus - it's a horrible condition however it presents, and you are very wise to consider the future before getting a dog.

Nothing much can be done until the end of lockdown, so plenty of time to plan. I'd say if your heart wants a Bernese, get a Bernese. Almost all dogs bark, and the ones that don't (e.g. Basenji) make all sorts of other noises. The silent dog hasn't been invented. So getting a type or breed you don't particularly want isn't going to help you - you'll still have a dog that will bark/whine/howl and you'll still have your tinnitus.

I'd suggest (after lockdown) that you go to a few dog shows that include a class for Bernese, stay around them and see if you can talk to some breeders/showing people. See how your tinnitus works with the general hubbub of dog showing.

There are breeds that are quieter than others, but Golden Retrievers aren't one of them. You have to be careful (as I'm sure you know) about what people tell you. Also every breed/type has its drawbacks, which might be worse for you than barking.

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Thank you for your advice, i picked the berner because they suit me and i suit them and overall a lot of knowledgeable people in the breed have told they are low on the barking spectrum and are not massivly vocal. I feel my gut is right on getting a berner and should ignore those who are telling me not to get one when they haven't done the research on the breed like i have

The January 22 edition of Our Dogs has a huge feature on Bernese. I'm sure if you contacted them they'd be able to send you a copy.

I wanted to update everyone on this thread, after hearing from a lot more owners on the bernese i have decided not to get one.

The reason i chose to not go for the Berner is because i heard from a lot more owners who said they would not recommend the breed because they are barkers , they are not nuisance barkers but there are quiter breeds i coukd choose and over 30 bernese owners were recommending either a golden , lab or a gundog in general.

One owner told me she had both goldens and berners and had, had both breeds for years and she said she would reccomend the golden as all of hers have been very quiet were her berners are more Barky then her goldens.

I did some serious thinking about this and decided the best thing for my ears is to listen to my head rather than my heart and not risk it with a Bernese.

I then looked into the breeds that were recommended and i decided that if we ignore my ears for a moment then the Golden was the best fit out of those recommendations.

I then joined a Golden facebook group to talk to owners and see if they are quiet and every single reply was that there golden rarely barks and i got a lot of good advice.

After hearing from Golden owners and doing my own research on them i have chosen the Golden and feel more confident that there right for both me and my ears.

Thank you for the update - and well done for going with your head and not your heart.

JudyN said:

Thank you for the update - and well done for going with your head and not your heart.

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Thanks, the one thing i never want to do is been in the position were I've got it wrong and have to rehome. So i know that listening to my head is the best idea as my heart will follow when i have my own golden

Well done thinking this through.
But keep in mind - this is still just a probability game, not a guarantee. There are very different individuals within the same breed.
Our 1st Ridgeback was what one would call a “strong and silent” type, rarely making sounds. The 2nd Ridgeback is very vocal, “talks” all the time.
When time comes - I would research specific parents in addition to breed in general.

Thanks Ari , yes i will be researching the breeder carefully , im even considering a rescue but not one in kennels one whose been fostered in a home environment so they know how vocal he is. Im fine with talking its just the barking that i need to make sure is less.

I wanted to update you again.

I decided going for a withdrawn guide dog would be a very good idea so i sent an email yesterday to my local guide dog school to see if i can speak to someone before filling in an application.

I didnt expect for them to phone me today, one of there volunteers phoned me up today and was very very helpful.

She told me there not taking applications at the moment but was happy to talk to me and i explained everything about my tinnitus and i told her how my heart breed is the rottweiler ( ive not told any of you this but my heart breed is the rottweiler and i spent a lot of time around them in 2018-2019 and even went on a Rottie walk and my ears were comfortable with the Rotties bark not once did there bark annoy my tinnitus but they do have a deep bark which is easy on the ear and they dont make high pitch whiny noises instead they sort of purr like a cat, but all the good breeders refused to let me have a pup until i had experience with dogs so hence why i went for the berner as they look like long coat rotties for me but found out there too vocal and so ended with Goldens or lab) but i need experience and thats why im thinking of getting experience from owning a lab ect and she told me not to rehome a withdrawn guide dog.

She said you already know what breed is right for you and your ears in the Rottweiler but the only thing stopping you is your lack of experience so she suggested i gain the experience instead as it would be unfair to get a lab or withdrawn guide dog just because there quiet and to gain experience. She said the first dog you own should be a Rottweiler.

I explained why i cant go to rescue centres ect to gain experience and she said there are many ways to gain experience you could find a good rescue explain your situation with your ears and foster (quiet dogs only) or you could be a puppy walker for us or any of the service dogs. She said puppy walking for hearing dogs would be good as they teach them to be quiet as barking is useless to a deaf person so you will know how to teach your Rottweiler how to be quiet.
So i wanted to update you all as i know shes right that it would be better to gain experience and go for the breed i know i love and the breed my ears are comfortable with.

I think she's right that you should get experience through volunteering with rescues and walking puppies and other dogs. I'm not sure I agree that you should fixate on ultimately getting a Rottie. You know when you see the perfect outfit, or the perfect potential mate, only to discover that they are both terrible fits?

As you get to meet and actually get to know different breeds and types of dogs, you begin to see into their souls and discover so much more than you thought was in there. Now, maybe it will always be Rotties that make you feel that connection... but it might not be, so keep your heart open. And good luck!

I agree Judy i dont think i say 100% Rottie i see how i feel after ive been fostering awhile and keep my heart open

I wanted to let you all know that i was sent a 2hr film on Rotties that has only just come out by knowledgeable people in the breed and i watched it and am glad i did it really opened my eyes on the rottie and the responsibility that comes with a powerful breed. After watching that im not right for a Rottie.

I still am going to foster its just i would prefer to go to breed rescues rather than general rescues as ive tried both the RSPCA and dogs trust in the past who said it would be better with my condition to find the right breed and go to breed rescues.

I was hoping if i write what im looking for you may be able to help.

1) the most important to me is that there a quiet breed and you all know why , by quiet i dont mean never bark as I'd actually like the dog to bark but when i say thank you or quiet they settle and stop and i need a breed who only does a few woofs to alert and thats it not one is loves the sound of his voice and barks constantly.

2) alerts me to people at the door ect , im not sure if thats the right word would be a watch dog but i know this will seem weird considering what number 1 is but i cant hear very well ( my hearing is fine as it was tested by an ENT and its fine) its my tinnitus that means i can can hear very well especially at night and sometimes when a delivery driver knocks on the door i dont cant always hear them because of the tinnitus so it would be nice to alert me to someone at the doir ect but stops when i say to and otherwise isn't a huge barker.

3) energy level wise im looking for a dog who is medium , i dont want a hyper full of beans dog (im basing this on an adult dog as i know all teenagers are hyper at times) or a couch potato lazy dog but a dog in the middle who is laid back in the house and chilled but still enjoys long walks

4) I'd like an affectionate dog but not a Velcro dog who is all over me , i dont mind following me room to room just not all over me interms of affection

5)i want a dog who is easy to train , this doesnt have to be like a lab or Golden i dont mind a dog whoses a little stubborn at times but i dont want a dog who extremely stubborn.

6) No excessive Drooling like newfs or mastiffs

7) i prefer large dogs but the biggest i could handle is no bigger than a Berner or newf size and i prefer the berner body shape im not fond of really thin looking dogs like sighthounds or flat faced dogs.

8) Grooming wise im fine as im happy to handle any coat length or type as my best friend is a Groomer and is happy to teach me.

9) i would need a breed who is good with children as i have a newphew who is 3yrs old currently and he lives with a Berner and hes great with him so i need a dog who is goid around children.

10) i also need him to be ok around cats as there are lots of cats on my street and nextdoor has 2 who always come in my garden. Three doors down there Greyhound attacked next doors cat when in went in there garden luckily they were able to save the cat but the whole street know calls them the cat murders and is awful the way there being treated so i would like a dog who can be taught not to harm the cats so not a high prey drive

11) i prefer dogs who are generally friendly with other people but are more focussed on there owner then strangers and just ignore the stranger.

12) and fianlly i would want him to be friendly with other dogs and once i have taught a solid recall would like to let him off lead

I was going to suggest a greyhound as it ticks several (not all) of your boxes, till I got to the bit about cats... There are cat-friendly greyhounds and their crosses, but even if they've lived with one with no problems, they may feel very different about outside cats.

I suggest you drop your requirement for them to alert you when someone comes to the house. Generally, barking when someone comes to the house signals either a level of stress or a dog for whom barking tends to be a default response - you don't want the former, and the latter isn't right for you.

Having found a calm, quiet dog, you could train it to signal in some way when the doorbell goes, e.g. whenever the doorbell rings, call him to you, maybe ask for a bark (trained separately) and give him a treat. Then, if he's smart, he'll learn to come to you and bark when he hears the doorbell just as a 'trick'.

Also - don't focus on getting a dog who is friendly with other dogs - aim for one that is neutral with other dogs, so neither gets snarky/growly, nor runs off to play with any dog it sees. If they are friendly, that's a bonus, as long as you can prevent them approaching any dog they feel like - you should never let your dog approach a dog who is on lead, for instance, which could mean keeping an overfriendly dog on lead whenever near other dogs.

Not sure what fits, but Ridgebacks surely do not, so that’s one breed to cross off.

if there is a place where people walk their dogs (a park, a beach?) I would consider going there when there is lots of dog people, and talking with the owners - that’s another way of getting real life insights....

I was gonna say a bully type breed, I looked after one who I only ever heard bark in his sleep when he was dreaming!... but then I remembered he was very vocal in another way, 'talkative' and squeaky, so maybe not a good choice either.

Wanted to update you all , ive finally found the right breed.

After doing a lot more research and talking to trainer , i was suggested a breed contacted lots of people in that breed and everyone i spoke to said they woukd be perfect for my condition and thats the lovable labrador.

I dont know why but i prefer the Labrad to the Golden, my mom thinks its because black labs look like Rotties but without the tan markings.

Wanted to let you all know ive settled on a Breed. Now its research time on health tests and finding a good breeder i will not be rushing this stage as this is one of the most important stages.

Not rushing is a very wise approach!

A Labrador will be perfect for you but be mindful chocolates are often more highly strung than yellows and blacks. I’ve had 4 labs in my lifetime - 2 blacks and 2 chocs and our current chocolate is ultra intelligent and interactive - loves swimming and long walks but also loves home comforts and chilling on the sofa. Train your dog to chase and retrieve a ball - great way to burn off their energy without having to walk for hours and hours. Look for a good breeder with a dog who has field trial champions in their heritage - ultra trainable and obedient. We’ve always trained our dogs to bark when someone knocks on the door but also to be quiet on command - it certainly keeps away the opportunist burglar. Good luck