Please please help

I am at the end of my tether. My almost 13 yr old
Cocker spaniel has become so challenging. I adore her. I have pampered and looked after her all her life. I feel awful calling her challenging and I'm trying my absolute utmost to be patient with her. But I'm almost 60 years old and it's just like someone has given me a new born baby to look after. And I'm not coping too well. The vet thinks she has cognitive dementia but offers no help except sedatives which seem to have the opposite effect on her. She is up wandering around the house and barking to go out up to six or
Seven times every night. From 11pm until 5am. She doesn't need to toilet. She just s offs and takes in the garden for sometimes an hour at a time. She's raked all of our carpets in the house. Tonight I've just been out on the garden for the nineth time. I am not kidding. The fireworks have freaked her a bit more than usual tonight. So I have her half a sedative. Her eyes are almost closed but she's still getting up and wandering every 5 mins. I know it's selfish as she's old. But I'm physically exhausted. Our whole family are. We are all up
And wandering around with her in the night. We can't function in the day. The vets are useless. I am spending hundreds of pounds on fruitless visits to the vets. We love her so much. It's so hard to see her like this. We just don't know what to do anymore.

Stamford said:

I am at the end of my tether. My almost 13 yr old
Cocker spaniel has become so challenging. I adore her. I have pampered and looked after her all her life. I feel awful calling her challenging and I'm trying my absolute utmost to be patient with her. But I'm almost 60 years old and it's just like someone has given me a new born baby to look after. And I'm not coping too well. The vet thinks she has cognitive dementia but offers no help except sedatives which seem to have the opposite effect on her. She is up wandering around the house and barking to go out up to six or
Seven times every night. From 11pm until 5am. She doesn't need to toilet. She just s offs and takes in the garden for sometimes an hour at a time. She's raked all of our carpets in the house. Tonight I've just been out on the garden for the nineth time. I am not kidding. The fireworks have freaked her a bit more than usual tonight. So I have her half a sedative. Her eyes are almost closed but she's still getting up and wandering every 5 mins. I know it's selfish as she's old. But I'm physically exhausted. Our whole family are. We are all up
And wandering around with her in the night. We can't function in the day. The vets are useless. I am spending hundreds of pounds on fruitless visits to the vets. We love her so much. It's so hard to see her like this. We just don't know what to do anymore.

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Hi there
I didn’t want to read and not respond. I’m not an expert and so have no advice but truly feel for you and hope that it works out for you. There are lots of super advisors on here and I am sure someone can support. take care

PupC said:

Hi there
I didn’t want to read and not respond. I’m not an expert and so have no advice but truly feel for you and hope that it works out for you. There are lots of super advisors on here and I am sure someone can support. take care

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Thank you. I'm just so tired and over tonight. I need some support

This must be so hard...

Has the vet tried or suggested anything other than the sedative? My dog has just started on Vitofyllin for eary signs of dementia. There are also supplements that may help, such as Aktivait, CBD oil, YuCalm, Zylkene, melatonin... I found that leaving a sidelight on for my dog overnight made a huge difference. As the nights get colder, dog pyjamas or an underbed heater may help.

As for survival, could you and other family members take turns at being on 'night duty'? In the past I've found it immensely helpful knowing that one night in two I'll get some decent sleep and even if I'm woken by barking, I can just stick my head under the pillow. OH and I even slept in separate rooms when our dog was bad at night to minimise disturbance to the other (actually I'm still in the spare room, I really ought to move back to the marital bed now my dog's sleeping better!).

And finally, you do have to consider your cocker's overall quality of life. But I'm guessing that she's her normal self during the day?

We once had an old lady who started doing strange things at night, she must have been about 12.5 years of age when it started. She started sometimes sleeping outside (we have a dog flap) Back garden and yard is very safe.
Sometimes she would be found fast asleep in strange small spaces, on top of a pile of cardboard boxes, in the kennel (this also has a dog flap), she was often found in tight secure places. Her hearing was poor so calling her was a waste of time, when she was found she would be so sound asleep that you had to firmly touch her to wake her (this could take quiet a few seconds at times), there were times that I wondered if she would actually wake ever again and if maybe she was dead. She always woke up wondering what all the fuss was about.
We decided to put some clothing on her at night time so that she was always warm where ever she had crashed out . Her pyjamas happened to be an Equafleece polo neck coat, she was often cool to the touch but never cold.
Luckily none of this woke us but we always woke up wondering where she might be sleeping, she was often still in her bed indoors.

She was a happy girl and daytime life was as normal as it had always been.

For other an un related reason she was PTS at 13.5years of age.
17-11-2011.
Dear "Mattie" RIP.

.

.

JudyN said:

And finally, you do have to consider your cocker's overall quality of life. But I'm guessing that she's her normal self during the day?

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Almost nothing to add to Judy's advice except to emphasis this last part. Monitoring quality of life. Typically when this conversation comes up the question is what defines quality of life. That can be hard in some cases, but typically would include things like....

still eating and drinking?
still engaged with you, life, play, walks etc?
still have control over body. In this case that means able to walk, stand, breath, control bladder and bowls
getting rest
deteriorating quickly

Just some quick "check points" to get the thinking going. As non ideal/wanted as it maybe, a euthanasia conversation is likely in your future. When that action would be advised is not something I or anyone else on this board can tell you, only that it is likely coming. A vet can also help figure this out. But it should be guided by quality of life. Is your dog just "existing" or is there genuine life happening without pain, distress, etc that can't be managed. But now is the time to figure this out, when the actual time comes it will be "easier" (relatively speaking, it is never actually easy) if you already thought through the criteria, what would trigger this action, what can or can be done medically etc.

In regard to vets, if the vet you are working with doesn't seem to be giving you want you think you need, then check out other vets. It is possible that your current vet isn't really up on dementia like health issues with dogs, or it could be there really isn't much that can be done. A second opinion could help clarify that.

Another resource from a author I respect, is a book titled
"Remember Me? Loving and Caring for A Dog With Canine Cognitive Dysfunction"
ISBM 9781943634019
Eileen Anderson

I met her in the Facebook group for fearful dogs that I help out on, and that she is an admin for. She approaches things very scientifically, researches everything, and has great compassion for dogs that are struggling with life.

Lastly. Do not be hard on your self. Feeling frustrated, tired, at your end is NORMAL in this situation. Does NOT mean you didn't/don't love your dog. Doesn't mean you are not caring or compassionate towards your dog. All it means is your human. Clearly you still care a lot of about your dog, her well being etc. or you would not be asking for help.

Watching our beloved dogs go down hill medically is never easy, and very stressful. So be sure to make sure you are getting your needs for rest, information, and support met too.