Collie doesn’t like my 4 year old daughter

Hi, sorry this is long but I don’t know what more I can do and could really do with some advice.

I have a 10 year old border collie and a 4 year old daughter and I don’t think he likes her at all. The first night we brought her home as a newborn he was acting really weird and was practically cowering in his crate giving my now ex husband and I the side eye (it was an open crate that he used as a bed). I had a difficult pregnancy and labour and was at the hospital for nearly 2 weeks then we came home with a newborn so I put his weird behaviour down to that. But when my daughter started walking, he actually snapped at her for walking up to him to stroke. By this point they seemed fine and didn’t really bother too much with eachother. I’d spent a long time getting her to not touch the dog unless he came to her and she’d stroked him plenty of times before this. This was probably the first time she went up to him without me (I was still in the same room) and he bit the first chance he got. He caught her arm and there was a little bruise. It didn’t break the skin. He didn’t have anything near him to be guarding, he was simply standing in the doorway at the time. I was seriously considering rehoming him, but I’d had him since a puppy and he was around before my husband and my daughter so I didn’t want to give up. From that point I made it very clear to my daughter not to touch the dog unless I told her she could and she’s never left unsupervised. There’s been no further serious incidents but there’s been warnings and he still just will not accept her.

Now she’s 4 years old and he’s still strange with her. At this point she knows to just not bother with him. But half the time he’s going out of his way to make a problem when she’s not actually bothering him. If I’m in the kitchen I close the door just incase they end up in the same room unsupervised while I’m cooking. The dog is in the kitchen with me and my daughter is usually playing in the living room. If she says “mam” while walking up to the door, he growls then suddenly stops when she walks in. Almost like he didn’t know who it was then realises when he sees her… but she’s the only person he does it with. My daughter and I will play with him, mainly my daughter will throw the ball. She loves it. But he’ll never actually give her the ball even though he knows she’s the one throwing it for him. He gives it me and I’ll give it to her to throw. She knows not to take the ball from him but I imagine if she did try she would be bit. The majority of the time we’re all just in the same room and everything’s absolutely fine as long as she doesn’t acknowledge him. Sometimes my daughter and I will sit and watch tv and he’ll come to me for a stroke/cuddle. As soon as my daughter tries to stroke him he begins to look very uncomfortable and I have to tell him to move. My dog would never steal food from me. If he’s watching me eat and I look at him he looks away. Yet if she’s eating a snack and I’m not looking he’ll happily take it straight from her. My daughter loves giving him her food and treats so I’ll sometimes call him over and she always asks him to sit and give his paw and he does. She’ll give him the food/treats. I try to do this often to try and get him to accept her through feeding him but again he seems to be going through the motion while I’m there but he’ll snap it out of her hand if I’m not looking. Tonight he growled while giving her his paw. I thought at first it was a frustration growl as they were tiny treats and she kept dropping them by accident. But then she asked for his paw again, he gave her it and he snarled his teeth. I put him out. There was no telling him off or shouting or anything I simply put him in the kitchen and shut the door.

I’m NOT one of those people that just let their children do whatever they want to pets and expect the pets to be alright with it. She’s been taught from as soon as she was able to understand to not bother the dog and she doesn’t. She waits until he comes to me as he’d never go up to her unless it was for food. One thing I will say is my daughter is a loud talker. She almost shouts when she talks and is quite high pitched, so I have told her in the past to talk to him quietly. She said very quietly “hello buddy” but this actually made him more uncomfortable and his ears went straight back.

I will say my dog has gotten rather nervous in the past few years and I’m not exactly sure what’s triggered it but my daughter definitely gets the brunt of it.

Again, sorry it’s long but I don’t know what more I can do? It’s also worth noting I have nieces and nephews come round and he’s absolutely fine with them so it’s not as if he’s just aggressive towards children. Infact he’s more accepting of my daughter when there’s other children there but when there’s just me, her and him he seems uncomfortable.

If you’ve made it this far thank you, any advice on how I can make things better for the both of them would be much appreciated

This is a worrying situation, and well done for sticking with him, and ensuring that your daughter knows how to behave with him. Because of the obvious risks, I think you should try to find a behaviourist who can come in and watch all the body language going on - your dog's, your daughter's, and the rest of the family. Avoid anyone who talks about status and making your dog see your daughter as above him in the 'pack' - this is an outdated idea.

Can you describe your dog's normal day, please? How much exercise he gets, how much play and training? He might benefit from activities like agility, nose work and so on. It might also be better for your daughter not to interact with him at all, at least for now. He's not comfortable when she's close to him and is probably 'being good' the whole time when she's within snapping distance rather than being relaxed. If he's on edge the whole time worrying that she might come close, then his general stress levels will be constantly higher and he's less likely to be able to 'be good'.

Having said that, I'm not an expert, and it would help to have someone 'on the ground'. If you give us a general idea of where you live, we might be able to help you find a good behaviourist.

A final thought - a full vet check could be a good idea, in case he has any discomfort, as this will make him a lot less tolerant.

I agree with everything JudyN has said, including how great you have been with what you have done.

Small children scare the bejasus out of so many dogs. Take the pressure off all of you by simply keeping them apart. You can't make your dog like who he doesn't like, and he has probably been in a state of permanent tension ever since his owner disappeared having smelled odd for a long time, then came back after a long absence with something that continued to smell odd (including of things that he wasn't allowed to do indoors) moved erratically and made unpleasant noises. No matter how much you'd like them to enjoy each other's company, it's clear they don't and they probably won't ever. Keep other children away from him too, no matter how good he seems to be - he might be so overwhelmed that he shuts down and/or offers appeasement behaviour. Like a volcano, he could "blow" any time. None of this is anybody's fault. It just is.

FWIW when I was 8, my mother took on a rescue collie cross (I think with hindsight a bearded collie X). This was a dog that hated children. Child-rearing was very different in those days, and I was told not to touch the dog and expected to obey. I was twice the age your daughter is now, desperately wanted the dog to be my friend, and of course touched the dog. She bit me so badly I had to be hospitalised. I was also punished because I had disobeyed. The dog stayed for the rest of her life and I never touched her again. It didn't put me off dogs in general, and the hospital treatment was very much enjoyed, as for the first time in my life I got some positive attention. Probably why I love positive training!

A vet check is also a very good idea, and you want a full blood panel, tests for organ function - take a pee sample - and a comprehensive body check in case of pain. But I suspect he is simply overwhelmed. It's better to just acknowledge that he and children will never be a good mix, and honestly he sounds to have been doing his best to tell you, and exercising considerable restraint.

I'm probably a bit late to the discussion as I think you posted this in May, but as a professional this is what I would of said...

Is the dog a rescue by any chance? If not can you remember back when you brought him if the him home you got him from has kids?

Behaviour like this doesn't just come from nowhere yes some dogs don't take to a new baby straight away by it's been 4yrs this is not normal for dogs to "hold a grudge! for this long, it doesn't happen! There has to be something in his past or a traumatic experience with a kid some where in his 10yrs. I would of needed this kind of information in order to help him become ok with your little girl or at least everything you do no first as im unable to assess the dog in person.

JudyN said:

This is a worrying situation, and well done for sticking with him, and ensuring that your daughter knows how to behave with him. Because of the obvious risks, I think you should try to find a behaviourist who can come in and watch all the body language going on - your dog's, your daughter's, and the rest of the family. Avoid anyone who talks about status and making your dog see your daughter as above him in the 'pack' - this is an outdated idea.

Can you describe your dog's normal day, please? How much exercise he gets, how much play and training? He might benefit from activities like agility, nose work and so on. It might also be better for your daughter not to interact with him at all, at least for now. He's not comfortable when she's close to him and is probably 'being good' the whole time when she's within snapping distance rather than being relaxed. If he's on edge the whole time worrying that she might come close, then his general stress levels will be constantly higher and he's less likely to be able to 'be good'.

Having said that, I'm not an expert, and it would help to have someone 'on the ground'. If you give us a general idea of where you live, we might be able to help you find a good behaviourist.

A final thought - a full vet check could be a good idea, in case he has any discomfort, as this will make him a lot less tolerant.

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Hi
I’m possibly late to this thread but I felt I should add my experience.
My daughter whilst pregnant decided to get a puppy, patterdale/ JR cross, cute socially good. My daughter was at home with the pup training her, as she had seen me do with our GSDs over the years. This pup was appeared to be solid at 6 months when my Grandson was born, baby & mum came home introductions were made, that’s when the dog changed. Constant side eye at my Grandson if my daughter was feeding him lots of attention behaviour from the dog. We worked hard on different training with the pup using positive reinforcement & over the months pup seemed to settle. However it was obvious as my Grandson started moving around the dog started growling & showing teeth at the baby. My feelings were the dog should be rehoused to a farm somewhere without children, but my daughter couldn’t do it, she convinced me she could sort the dogs reactively with a behavioural trainer.
Upshot my Grandsons first Birthday I was in the living room with him playing, dog was behind a gate with my GSD, my Grandson was really laughing at a toy … in a split second my daughters dog was over the gate & grabbed my poor Grandsons neck & started to shake him. Thank God my GSD reacted equally fast flew over the gate & dragged my daughters dog off my Grandson & pinned it down.. My Grandbaby lost a large part of his ear ( thankfully that was all could have been worse)had numerous lacerations & in hospital for several days. I was so badly bitten I had a bruise from my knee to my hip ( no idea I’d been bitten untill police & ambulance arrived) my GSD had also been injured.
This happened in a space of maybe 120 seconds…!
I have PTSD my beautiful Grandson has half an ear & my daughter blames herself for not giving her dog up.
If there is ever doubt about dogs & children & reactivity I will always ere on side of caution & rehome.

That's so sad, @Karen - what a horrible experience for you all I do agree that when children are involved, you just can't be too careful.

JudyN said:

That's so sad, @Karen - what a horrible experience for you all I do agree that when children are involved, you just can't be too careful.

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Thank you.
There is a happy ending tho. My Grandson is now 9 & stunningly gorgeous so no one notices his ear My daughter has recently adopted a docile Bassett hound who adores children. And our now over the rainbow bridge GSD who was involved Molly, taught my Grandson not to be afraid of dogs with her gentle nature. But it really was a journey at the time.