Son Scared Of Assistance Dogs

Hello, I’m Amber, I’m new here and at my wits end, so I am asking around for advice.

I have a 10 year old son, with mild Autism- People hardly even notice it. About a month ago, he went up to a lady and her teenage son, and asked of he could pet their dog. I was just pleased he asked for permission, and didn’t realise the drama it would cause…

Apparently, this dog was a ‘Service Dog’. It did have a jacket on, that was lime green and was customised saying it was Jacob’s Service Dog. I didn’t spot it because it didn’t look like any official harnesses and jackets I had ever seen before. I still don’t honestly believe it was a real service dog.

Anyhow, this lady full on SCREAMS in my son’s face about him being disrespectful to disability aids, and how DARE he goes within 6ft of this dog, and that he was an entitled little brat. Then she starts shouting at me about being a terrible mother letting my kid get away with disrimination. By this time the whole shopping centre is staring at us, and most people are tutting at the lady and her son for being gobby.

By the end she was bright red and HOWLING, the dog was cowering behind her son, and her son was looking so embarrassed. The mother screamed in my face that she’s always having to advocate for the son because of his social anxiety. I was terrified, and my son was trembling like crazy.

Anyways, security come over and end up asking them to leave, and seek legal advice against the shopping centre if they were wronged.

Problem is, now, whenever my son sees an obvious service dog, he runs to the side crying himself sick and full panic attack that all disabled people who have dogs are going to shout at him for being within 6ft of the dog. He takes things literally, hint the mild autism diagnosis. It’s stopped him walking to school and Youth Club unattended now as he’s terrified of any assistance dog.

It’s so bad we’ve had to get mental health help through the school and through the GP. He genuinely believes every person with an assistance dog is pure evil.

I’ve tried to comfort him otherwise. I’ve shown him videos of different service dogs online, explained about Guide Dogs etc. He’s even had a nightmare or two about it as of late. It’s quite honestly his new worst fear.

He was even asked of an old lady in a wheelchair if she had a service dog, to judge if she was ‘good or bad’. I had to explain that was very rude and inappropriate of him, but he is genuinely terrified, and is impacting him going out, as he knows service/assistance dogs are allowed ANYWHERE.

Does anyone here have ANY advice on what to do or say to him? How to help him get over this? Does anyone have similar experiences of service dog users being scary, or fake service dog users being entitled? Please help, anything at the moment I can try…

Many thanks,
Amber

What a horrible thing to happen, no wonder your son was so upset? Do you think there's any more help he could get from mental health professionals with an understanding of autism - I''m wondering if this might classify as PTSD?

I'm thinking what might help - and if this is possible I've no idea - is if you could meet someone with a puppy who is going to be trained to be a service dog? If your son could get to be familiar with the puppy, and then see pup go through its training and even be introduced to its harness...

If your son likes dogs in general, and if he likes reading, you could look for children's books on the subject. I've found a range here: The best children’s books about service dogs and also: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Guide-Dogs-About-Other-Assistance/dp/1505315751

You could also maybe teach him some strategies - if he sees a dog, and he thinks it might be a service dog, to move away from it, e.g. cross the road and walk in the other side. If he can be in a position to observe a service dog and handler from a distance at which he feels relatively comfortable, where he can observe that actually, the handler seems like a lovely person, this might also help him build up confidence. If he has a way of controlling his exposure (like looking at a spider in a cage several feet away rather than having one appear on the sofa next to you), this could help a lot.

But if this is PTSD or similar, then I do think you may need intervention from people who are experts at working with this (though sadly finding the right support for your son might be tricky). I found this link that you might find of interest: Post-traumatic stress disorder in autistic people

I can't add to Judy's excellent advice but I wanted to express my sympathy too. Your poor son, what a terrible thing to happen.

I feel a bit of sympathy for the lady's son too. If the son needs a service dog, it sounds like his mother isn't exactly helping with whatever issues he is dealing with.

Your poor son , he shouldn't have been put in that position. I know its frustrating for people with service dogs having people distract them but this lady was totally OTT.

I think the advice Judy has given is really good.

I can't add anything to the above advice. But that is a truly awful thing to happen, when your boy, quite rightly asked if he could pet the dog, the lady had a perfect opportunity to explain that he was a service dog and not for petting, in a calm and educating way. Young people especially (and some older!) may not always notice the words on a dog's coat, they just see the dog. I too feel sad for the lady's son, if he struggles with social anxiety his mother is doing nothing to support him by losing it like that.
I really hope in time and with patience and support your boy can move past this traumatic experience.

I can say that parents of disabled children are under a lot of pressure and stress 24x7. Maybe even more so when there are no visible physical disabilities, which would let me believe it might be cognitive... sometimes it's especially hard being in public places, sometimes it just reaches the boiling point... And so, to some extend I would understand irrational reaction to an innocent situation from a mother who has to deal with her son's disability every minute of every day.

This is just to put the incident in a slightly different perspective, and not go too hard on the dog's lady, she may well have a hard life, struggles to keep herself together, and sometimes fails to do so.
Of course, none of this helps your poor boy, who happened to be on the receiving end of this meltdown.

I would probably try to approach from a slightly different angle.
There are folks around who intentionally or not, for good reasons or not, act irrationally. Which may very well come across as scary of evil to your boy. How to develop resistance to this kind of situations - I don't know, but if you are talking to professionals, I would probably present a "bigger" question to them. Rather than "how to overcome fear of service dogs and their humans?" - "how to develop resistance to people acting irrationally?" Today it's a service dog lady, tomorrow it could be some other kind.. If there is a way to start preparing the boy somehow for potential unpleasant encounters - it would be good to know.

Hugs, and hopefully things look better soon.