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[SIZE=14pt]Did you ever hear the one about the Buddhist ordering a pizza [/SIZE]
"Make me one with everything".
Man goes to the doc, with a strawberry growing out of his head.
Doc says "I'll give you some cream to put on it."
"Doc, I can't stop singing the green green grass of home."
"That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome. "
"Is it common? "
"It's not unusual."
A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet. "My dog's cross-eyed, is there
anything you can do for him? "
"Well," says the vet, "let's have a look at him" So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks his teeth. Finally, he says "I'm going to have to put him down."
"What? Because he's cross-eyed? "
"No, because he's really heavy".
Guy goes into the doctor's. "Doc, I've got a cricket ball stuck up my backside"
The Doctor says "How's that?"
"Don't you start!"
"Doctor, I can't pronounce my F's, T's and H's."
"Well you can't say fairer than that then"
What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.
I went to the dentist. He said "Say Aaah."
I said "Why?"
He said "My dog's died."
I gwent home, and the phone was ringing. I picked it up, and said “Who's speaking please?” 'And voice said 'You are.'"
I rang up my local swimming baths. I said “Is that the local swimming baths?”
He said “It depends where you're calling from.'
I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside my house.'
He said 'I'm not stopping you.'
Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese.
And there are 5 people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mum or my dad. Or my older brother Colin. Or my younger brother Huan-Hung-Lo. But I think it's Colin.
I was driving along, and my boss rang up, and said ”You've been promoted.” And I swerved. Then he rang up a second time and said "You've been promoted again.' And I swerved again. He rang up a third time and said “You're managing director.” I went into a tree. A policeman came up and said 'What happened to you?'
I said 'I careered off the road.
"Make me one with everything".
Man goes to the doc, with a strawberry growing out of his head.
Doc says "I'll give you some cream to put on it."
"Doc, I can't stop singing the green green grass of home."
"That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome. "
"Is it common? "
"It's not unusual."
A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet. "My dog's cross-eyed, is there
anything you can do for him? "
"Well," says the vet, "let's have a look at him" So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks his teeth. Finally, he says "I'm going to have to put him down."
"What? Because he's cross-eyed? "
"No, because he's really heavy".
Guy goes into the doctor's. "Doc, I've got a cricket ball stuck up my backside"
The Doctor says "How's that?"
"Don't you start!"
"Doctor, I can't pronounce my F's, T's and H's."
"Well you can't say fairer than that then"
What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.
I went to the dentist. He said "Say Aaah."
I said "Why?"
He said "My dog's died."
I gwent home, and the phone was ringing. I picked it up, and said “Who's speaking please?” 'And voice said 'You are.'"
I rang up my local swimming baths. I said “Is that the local swimming baths?”
He said “It depends where you're calling from.'
I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside my house.'
He said 'I'm not stopping you.'
Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese.
And there are 5 people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mum or my dad. Or my older brother Colin. Or my younger brother Huan-Hung-Lo. But I think it's Colin.
I was driving along, and my boss rang up, and said ”You've been promoted.” And I swerved. Then he rang up a second time and said "You've been promoted again.' And I swerved again. He rang up a third time and said “You're managing director.” I went into a tree. A policeman came up and said 'What happened to you?'
I said 'I careered off the road.