Back again! Ranting

[sparkle4ever]

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Barley is now 18 weeks old.
We went away on holiday last week and it was bliss! I knew I was exhausted from everything but wow, the first night I just slept. And then we realised that Barley could sleep through as well, until 7am, or thereabouts, so we have kept that routine. And that has worked well.
In the time we were away, he was played with and stimulated, socialised and trained (as much as we could).
Then home...back to routine. And...yep, you may have guessed it, the chaos has resumed.
I am going to say something that not everyone may agree with, but Barley is not my dog. He is my OH's dog, as I kind of said from the start.
It doesn't matter what I do; play with him, train him, walk him...he wants my OH, all the time.
But OH has to work. And what happens? Barley goes mental not to be with him, so I end up tearing my hair out. Again.
Today OH is WFH. Barley got too much, again, tearing things apart, stealing things. I was trying to send an important email, I am making mistakes because I am racing around after him (and the only thing that gets him away from any object he has stolen or ripped apart is food, then you have to put it out of his reach, so the house is just getting more and more bare). So I put Barley into his crate downstairs with me and he creates merry hell. Crying, trying to get out. It gets too much.
Put him upstairs with OH in crate up there, and all is quiet.
OH is worried because he can't always work from home and thinks I will murder the dog.
And yes I resent him (the dog, no OH) because this sucks. I have been through so much for him, huge amount of effort and sleep deprivation and worry, sacrificed and compromised and paid out a fortune. And he just wants my OH.
We met other people with pups about Barley's age. Totally different. Calmer. And Barley just growls at them. But the owners are having a far different life than we are. Calmer, better, more enjoyable (hate them. Lol. Joke I think).
I have always loved animals to total distraction, cry over them getting hurt, can't watch movies with them getting hurt. Animal activist.
Now I just feel like a total failure. Because I can't entirely love a dog that is a little s**t and is basically ruining my life.
Rant over.
Sorry.
I can't see any solutions at all to this.

 

[JoanneF]

I know you said you weren't keen to find another trainer but I wonder if that might help? Someone who can see, in person, what Barley is doing and make suggestions on how to react.

 

[sparkle4ever]

I know you said you weren't keen to find another trainer but I wonder if that might help? Someone who can see, in person, what Barley is doing and make suggestions on how to react.

He wouldn't do it in front of them. He'd just be shy and reserved and probably yap at them.

 

[JudyN]

My heart goes out to you, it really does. Could you set up a video camera, or maybe just let your phone record video? You might need to set it up to film a 'trouble spot' and go about yout day as normal till you have something that demonstrates the problem behaviour. A good behaviourist would be as keen to see your body language as his behaviour, because he will be responding to your levels of stress.

There does come a time when you and your OH have to agree that it's just not working out, though. So many people say, 'I won't give up on him,' but I would say 'never say never', and the current situation is not just bad for you, but it's not great for Barley either.

And... I know you know this, but he's not really being a little s*** - he's just struggling with life too, and the 'bad' behaviours are his coping mechanisms. Heaven knows I called my dog all sorts of rude words at times though!

 

[sparkle4ever]

I can see what you are saying but when we were away, Barley was fine. He had his moments, don't get me wrong, but it was entirely different. And it is because he had all that attention, until he slept. But of course, that isn't reasonable in our normal lives. You can't give a dog all of your time and energy.
Now back to the normal work type routine, he plays up when he isn't with my OH or when I have things to do, or need to rest. But again, all this is normal way of living.
His struggle with life is for attention and to release energy, like a child with a tantrum (which we would probably also think was a little s** to be fair!) But he is happy, you can see that in him. Just more demanding and mischievous than the average puppy. And hard work.
Nearly every item of clothing I have has been ripped by him now. Id like to see anyone not get stressed by that. It is a vicious cycle, you'd have to be some kind of patient, unperturbed saint not to get stressed!
And where would he go if he was rehomed? To someone else who also couldn't cope? As that is exactly what happened to my last Springer. He was a rescue. By the time he got to me, he was 6 months old. He'd been rejected from two households and was in a rescue centre. He pulled on the lead and was very boisterous. He chased sheep and had lots of energy, but he wasn't intolerable. He didn't rip clothes, steal things and you didn't have to keep your eyes on him all the time. So the two households before me must have had a lower patience/tolerance level than me.
With that in mind, I don't know who could handle Barley to be honest, unless they devoted their entire time to him which may not be good for him anyway in terms of independence. So I would always worry for him if he were rehomed.

 

[Hemlock]

A good behaviourist doesn't need to see the extremes of behaviour. By observing your whole domestic/interactive set-up, they will be able to see what steps can be taken to help you get on better together. You'd be amazed what a competent observer can deduce. It's the underlying roots of the behaviour that need to be found before better behaviour can be created. You need someone at the top of their game, so will need to commit both to researching your behaviour trainer and carrying out the programme they agree with you. Improvement won't happen overnight.

 

[Tinytom]

When you were away neither of you were working so you were more relaxed which makes pup more relaxed..you will be suprised just how well they pick up on our emotions...

 

[sparkle4ever]

When you were away neither of you were working so you were more relaxed which makes pup more relaxed..you will be suprised just how well they pick up on our emotions...

Well I am always stressed. Lol. But I think it was also because he had more attention and he had more to occupy him as we went out. But of course, in ordinary life, you can't do that. Maybe we should just stop working, meditate all day and the next minute we will see Barley flat on his back, tongue hanging out out of his mouth, yapping ooommmm

 

[Carol S]

Barley is now 18 weeks old.
We went away on holiday last week and it was bliss! I knew I was exhausted from everything but wow, the first night I just slept. And then we realised that Barley could sleep through as well, until 7am, or thereabouts, so we have kept that routine. And that has worked well.
In the time we were away, he was played with and stimulated, socialised and trained (as much as we could).
Then home...back to routine. And...yep, you may have guessed it, the chaos has resumed.
I am going to say something that not everyone may agree with, but Barley is not my dog. He is my OH's dog, as I kind of said from the start.
It doesn't matter what I do; play with him, train him, walk him...he wants my OH, all the time.
But OH has to work. And what happens? Barley goes mental not to be with him, so I end up tearing my hair out. Again.
Today OH is WFH. Barley got too much, again, tearing things apart, stealing things. I was trying to send an important email, I am making mistakes because I am racing around after him (and the only thing that gets him away from any object he has stolen or ripped apart is food, then you have to put it out of his reach, so the house is just getting more and more bare). So I put Barley into his crate downstairs with me and he creates merry hell. Crying, trying to get out. It gets too much.
Put him upstairs with OH in crate up there, and all is quiet.
OH is worried because he can't always work from home and thinks I will murder the dog.
And yes I resent him (the dog, no OH) because this sucks. I have been through so much for him, huge amount of effort and sleep deprivation and worry, sacrificed and compromised and paid out a fortune. And he just wants my OH.
We met other people with pups about Barley's age. Totally different. Calmer. And Barley just growls at them. But the owners are having a far different life than we are. Calmer, better, more enjoyable (hate them. Lol. Joke I think).
I have always loved animals to total distraction, cry over them getting hurt, can't watch movies with them getting hurt. Animal activist.
Now I just feel like a total failure. Because I can't entirely love a dog that is a little s**t and is basically ruining my life.
Rant over.
Sorry.
I can't see any solutions at all to this.

I am not sure if I can be much help but only in the fact I have a Cavalier King Charles Spaniel puppy. Freya is now 7 months old tomorrow and I do feel your pain. She has not been easy going as with behaviour.
Both my husband and I are retired ( which helps)so we are with Freya almost 24/7 I say almost she does go to doggy day care for half a day (5 hours) a week . She could go for a whole day but I think at the moment it would be too tiring for her. This has been really good for her socialisation mixing with other dogs. Freya absolutely loves going there and it also gives us a bit of freedom to do what we want to do and even have a bit of lunch too before we pick her up at 3 pm. Could it be something you could consider for Barley ?

 

[sparkle4ever]

I am not sure if I can be much help but only in the fact I have a Cavalier King Charles Spaniel puppy. Freya is now 7 months old tomorrow and I do feel your pain. She has not been easy going as with behaviour.
Both my husband and I are retired ( which helps)so we are with Freya almost 24/7 I say almost she does go to doggy day care for half a day (5 hours) a week . She could go for a whole day but I think at the moment it would be too tiring for her. This has been really good for her socialisation mixing with other dogs. Freya absolutely loves going there and it also gives us a bit of freedom to do what we want to do and even have a bit of lunch too before we pick her up at 3 pm. Could it be something you could consider for Barley ?

Thank you Carol. Yes, this is something that I am actually exploring in my local area. And have asked in a couple of Facebook groups for suggestions. Though I have had a couple of trainers comment that it isn't a good idea for Barley because he is still so nervous of other dogs and people (despite us socialising him a lot). He tends to yap at other dogs and people, run away, etc. So they suggested a one on one pet sitter, but it is finding one really that Barley would be okay with and also who could handle him.
And on that note, I spoke to another trainer on the phone and they also advised me to rehome him. They said that unless I am prepared to devote a considerable amount of time to him every single day, then he will always play up.
I have had 4 Springers before and this hasn't ever been an issue. One did have to be rehomed very early but only because he was an adult rescue dog and I had a baby and he kept pulling the pushchair over. But other than that, he was fine and all the others were too. I never felt this...help, can't cope feeling.
When my OH is around, it is soooo much easier. When it is just me, I feel overwhelmed and exhausted. Barley has gone back to waking up too early too. So I envy your retired status but can also appreciate that it isn't easy for you either
Tomorrow we are taking him to gundog training, so will see how that goes!

 

[Carol S]

Hi I take your point about others saying it may not be a good idea for Barley to go to Dogy day care but with the one we go to we had a free trial for Freya to see how she would cope with other dogs. Luckily she was ok but she was used to my daughters three dogs - a Cocker Spaniel, a black Labrador and a Cockerpoo who is only 18 months old. And when she went for her first half day they did a slow introduction.Now she chases round their secure field with nine other dogs.
If you do find a day care place if they do a trial and they should it could help.

I am not sure if you have mentioned this in other posts but which food are you feeding Barley
, sometimes this could be something to look at regarding his behaviour.
In regard to puppy pads I don’t believe in them myself and I did’t use them and Freya was housetrained by the time she was 12 weeks of age ( sorry you probably don’t want to hear that)
Don’t get me wrong she is by no means perfect in any way she can be very naughty when I find her chewing the plastic labels from the garden or won’t come in when I want her too. But all that aside she is adorable.
I will try and get a photo of her if I can reduce the size of the photo.

 

[Carol S]

Hi I take your point about others saying it may not be a good idea for Barley to go to Dogy day care but with the one we go to we had a free trial for Freya to see how she would cope with other dogs. Luckily she was ok but she was used to my daughters three dogs - a Cocker Spaniel, a black Labrador and a Cockerpoo who is only 18 months old. And when she went for her first half day they did a slow introduction.Now she chases round their secure field with nine other dogs.
If you do find a day care place if they do a trial and they should it could help.

I am not sure if you have mentioned this in other posts but which food are you feeding Barley
, sometimes this could be something to look at regarding his behaviour.
In regard to puppy pads I don’t believe in them myself and I did’t use them and Freya was housetrained by the time she was 12 weeks of age ( sorry you probably don’t want to hear that)
Don’t get me wrong she is by no means perfect in any way she can be very naughty when I find her chewing the plastic labels from the garden or won’t come in when I want her too. But all that aside she is adorable.
I will try and get a photo of her if I can reduce the size of the photo.

 

[Flobo]

How did the gundog training go @sparkle4ever ?

 

[sparkle4ever]

How did the gundog training go @sparkle4ever ?

Thank you for asking.
Got absolutely soaked on the moors! It was okay, more trying to get the trainer to listen to the problems, which was really difficult. A few tips for obedience. Some practice of recall. He doesn't like a lot of trainers, referring to them as hobby trainers. He is former police/military. Said puppy classes were useless. He did say that he could tell Barley was stubborn and demanding, very nervous too. He almost understood (in the end) the struggle we have. But really he kind of said the same as the others about stimulating Barley. He only believes in using a slip lead. he was good, the best we have interacted with. I asked about rehoming and he said that it could happen with him, we would just sign the papers and Barley would become a working dog, go through obedience training and if he passed, would be put to work for the police. But he would live in kennels, have a lack of the love human interaction that we offer them as pets. He said the puppy stage would pass but couldn't say when and just to not give up on him. But if we had to, we could pass Barley to him within a week.
I said it is the constant supervision that is so difficult. But we have decided to wait till after the 6 month stage which will be about the end of next month. If Barley is still too much, then we will consider it. I did say that I didn't think it was right that we couldn't relax of an evening (without crating him, though tonight he has been fine) and that our lives shouldn't revolve around him where we have to give up everything for him. The way we have been living just can't be sustained. the exhaustion I have been feeling is unreal. But I can only hope it will get better. And we keep up doing all we can to stimulate his active brain.

 

[RGC]

I can see what you are saying but when we were away, Barley was fine. He had his moments, don't get me wrong, but it was entirely different. And it is because he had all that attention, until he slept. But of course, that isn't reasonable in our normal lives. You can't give a dog all of your time and energy.
Now back to the normal work type routine, he plays up when he isn't with my OH or when I have things to do, or need to rest. But again, all this is normal way of living.
His struggle with life is for attention and to release energy, like a child with a tantrum (which we would probably also think was a little s** to be fair!) But he is happy, you can see that in him. Just more demanding and mischievous than the average puppy. And hard work.
Nearly every item of clothing I have has been ripped by him now. Id like to see anyone not get stressed by that. It is a vicious cycle, you'd have to be some kind of patient, unperturbed saint not to get stressed!
And where would he go if he was rehomed? To someone else who also couldn't cope? As that is exactly what happened to my last Springer. He was a rescue. By the time he got to me, he was 6 months old. He'd been rejected from two households and was in a rescue centre. He pulled on the lead and was very boisterous. He chased sheep and had lots of energy, but he wasn't intolerable. He didn't rip clothes, steal things and you didn't have to keep your eyes on him all the time. So the two households before me must have had a lower patience/tolerance level than me.
With that in mind, I don't know who could handle Barley to be honest, unless they devoted their entire time to him which may not be good for him anyway in terms of independence. So I would always worry for him if he were rehomed.

This is where I may be shot down in flames. You’ve stated that your dog would not display destructive behaviours infront of strangers and just be a perfect dog. As a result JudyN has made a pragmatic suggestion of making videos of his ‘normal’ behaviour when you’re in charge which would serve as examples to submit to a behaviourist. Remember any decent behaviourist would address problems in BOTH the animal and the handler. I’m sure that you feel that your rationale is justified in your response to JudyN’s suggestion but why not take a POSITIVE leap of faith and give it a go? You’ve asked for help from some very capable people and they’ve responded. It’s up to you. I’m sorry if I seem hard but I’m of a practical mien. Hope it works for you both.

 

[sparkle4ever]

This is where I may be shot down in flames. You’ve stated that your dog would not display destructive behaviours infront of strangers and just be a perfect dog. As a result JudyN has made a pragmatic suggestion of making videos of his ‘normal’ behaviour when you’re in charge which would serve as examples to submit to a behaviourist. Remember any decent behaviourist would address problems in BOTH the animal and the handler. I’m sure that you feel that your rationale is justified in your response to JudyN’s suggestion but why not take a POSITIVE leap of faith and give it a go? You’ve asked for help from some very capable people and they’ve responded. It’s up to you. I’m sorry if I seem hard but I’m of a practical mien. Hope it works for you both.

No I don't think you quite understand. Barley wouldn't be a 'perfect' dog (he is a puppy anyway) in front of strangers. He would be nervous and anxious actually. And I have done lots of POSITIVE leaps of faith. Lol, sorry, but couldn't resist echoing that. We have had four trainers now and they have all said different things. We have also seen a behaviourist who did actually get to see Barley's behaviour and could see how demanding and stubborn he can be and suggested he himself could rehome him as a police dog. I have also been in contact with Barley's father's owner (literally trying everything) and he said that he would take him and train him as a gundog for a couple of months if we took Barley's grandmother. Bizarre I know. And not what we would do. But what we really need is to be able to cope with him every day. When I am out and about with Barley to socialise him as much as possible, I do meet other Springer Spaniel owners and do feel a bit despondent when they say their dogs were not at all like Barley when they were puppies, but all dogs are different.
I dont think you quite understand how hard it has been. I have given up all things I used to do and our house is in ruins. We are both exhausted and we still aren't giving up on him.

 

[Bootle]

Long time lurker on this forum but I have never registered or posted before, but your post prompted me too. I hope that is ok.

I have had spaniels a long time. I currently have 4. 3 of which are rehomes. I am so sorry you have been feeling overwhelmed, but I will say there is a very good reason why so many young spaniels end up rehomed as juveniles.

Spaniels are amazing dogs. Some lines have a lot more work drive than others, some are just plain neurotic, often, they are as mad as a box of frogs and often they are very nervous sensitive souls. They are very marmite dogs – you either love them or you could never imagine living with them!!!

Honestly, It sounds like you have a very ‘normal’ high drive dog. A sensitive soul who has amazing drive and therefore amazing work potential (as your trainers have identified), but dogs like these often don’t make good ‘pet’ dogs. They want to do stuff all the time, but they want to do everything WITH you – that is what they are bred to do. There is an old saying that you don’t own a spaniel, you ‘wear’ them, given their need to be involved with you and near you the whole time, and it is very true! A bored spaniel is a very frustrated one, and that tends to lead to destructive and attention seeking behaviour.

I am not saying I do everything right, but I know what works for me. My dogs each go to training three times a week (they do agility). Weekends, we travel and compete in agility competitions. They do scentwork, agility and obedience training everyday at home. When I have a rehomed puppy, regardless of age, I keep them busy with interactive toys, puppy foundation agility games, puzzles, bits of scentwork and then socialisation on top. I work from home, and of course have to go out to run chores, but in between calls and life chores, I am always doing something with all of them and focus on them. I crate them when I cannot be with them, but as soon as we are done, they are rewarded with fun and interaction. I get up early to walk them and stay up late with them too. I have to teach them to settle, which is something they find hard initially, but at the end of the day, they are tired mentally and physically and are happy to just rest. It is a life-choice I make. Am I constantly exhausted? Oh yes! Is it easy? No. Do I give up a huge amount of other 'normal' things to have my dogs? Yes. But this is what a high work drive dog needs. This is why they tend to make pretty awful pets, but make amazing working dogs.

I know you have had spaniels before very successfully. And I know you want to do right by this dog. But honestly, he is what he is – a very high drive dog that will never be the calm companion that you were seeking. He will always require a huge amount of stimulation and interaction with you to keep him happy. There is no shame in admitting that he may not be the dog for you – quite the contrary – 3 of my dogs were exactly the same and rehomed for the same reason – because their former owners realised it was just not going to work and just wanted the best for everyone – especially the dog. If they had stayed with their original owners, then it would have been miserable for everyone involved. I know of a number of amazingly successful agility dogs rehomed for the same reason. I am not telling you to rehome him, but I am suggesting you make whatever decision you choose to make knowing he will never be like the spaniels you have had before and needs a different approach.

If you want to keep the dog, then try to think on his wavelength – he wants to do LOTS with you – so interact with him as he wants – play games, find what motivates him and run with that. Do puppy foundation training for a dog sport, or go for obedience classes – anything really, but find a mutual hobby you can really get stuck into and go 2, 3 times a week and do your training homework in between everyday. Teach him to settle, but accept that he will only ever settle once he has had the mental and physical stimulation he needs, And accept that you will be exhausted – he is a high drive working puppy that needs you and your time. Accept that he will be VERY demanding for a number of months (potentially a couple of years) and that he will never be the calm companion you wanted. But also, understand that if you are willing to work with him, and fancy having a combined hobby, he could be the most amazing future sports dog, or future obedience dog, or future gundog-trials dog if you wanted to train him for that It all really depends on how much you are willing to commit to him. As I say, if that is not the life you want, then there is no shame in admitting that. It isnt the life for everyone. You just want what is best for the dog. And it sounds like you have had a few offers of some very suitable homes if that is the route you wanted to take. But I just wanted to put an honest opinion forward, based on my experience of spaniels. Sorry if I have overstepped or offended.

 

[RGC]

No I don't think you quite understand. Barley wouldn't be a 'perfect' dog (he is a puppy anyway) in front of strangers. He would be nervous and anxious actually. And I have done lots of POSITIVE leaps of faith. Lol, sorry, but couldn't resist echoing that. We have had four trainers now and they have all said different things. We have also seen a behaviourist who did actually get to see Barley's behaviour and could see how demanding and stubborn he can be and suggested he himself could rehome him as a police dog. I have also been in contact with Barley's father's owner (literally trying everything) and he said that he would take him and train him as a gundog for a couple of months if we took Barley's grandmother. Bizarre I know. And not what we would do. But what we really need is to be able to cope with him every day. When I am out and about with Barley to socialise him as much as possible, I do meet other Springer Spaniel owners and do feel a bit despondent when they say their dogs were not at all like Barley when they were puppies, but all dogs are different.
I dont think you quite understand how hard it has been. I have given up all things I used to do and our house is in ruins. We are both exhausted and we still aren't giving up on him.

My apologies. I can appreciate that it was a rant out of frustration with which I can empathise. I had major problems initially with my rescued whippet but those have abated to a great extent. Just a question of getting her trust but there’s always something ticking away in her mind - probably from a past experience. I’d tentatively suggest that your relationship with Barney is a mismatch. I sincerely hope for a good outcome.

 

[sparkle4ever]

Long time lurker on this forum but I have never registered or posted before, but your post prompted me too. I hope that is ok.

I have had spaniels a long time. I currently have 4. 3 of which are rehomes. I am so sorry you have been feeling overwhelmed, but I will say there is a very good reason why so many young spaniels end up rehomed as juveniles.

Spaniels are amazing dogs. Some lines have a lot more work drive than others, some are just plain neurotic, often, they are as mad as a box of frogs and often they are very nervous sensitive souls. They are very marmite dogs – you either love them or you could never imagine living with them!!!

Honestly, It sounds like you have a very ‘normal’ high drive dog. A sensitive soul who has amazing drive and therefore amazing work potential (as your trainers have identified), but dogs like these often don’t make good ‘pet’ dogs. They want to do stuff all the time, but they want to do everything WITH you – that is what they are bred to do. There is an old saying that you don’t own a spaniel, you ‘wear’ them, given their need to be involved with you and near you the whole time, and it is very true! A bored spaniel is a very frustrated one, and that tends to lead to destructive and attention seeking behaviour.

I am not saying I do everything right, but I know what works for me. My dogs each go to training three times a week (they do agility). Weekends, we travel and compete in agility competitions. They do scentwork, agility and obedience training everyday at home. When I have a rehomed puppy, regardless of age, I keep them busy with interactive toys, puppy foundation agility games, puzzles, bits of scentwork and then socialisation on top. I work from home, and of course have to go out to run chores, but in between calls and life chores, I am always doing something with all of them and focus on them. I crate them when I cannot be with them, but as soon as we are done, they are rewarded with fun and interaction. I get up early to walk them and stay up late with them too. I have to teach them to settle, which is something they find hard initially, but at the end of the day, they are tired mentally and physically and are happy to just rest. It is a life-choice I make. Am I constantly exhausted? Oh yes! Is it easy? No. Do I give up a huge amount of other 'normal' things to have my dogs? Yes. But this is what a high work drive dog needs. This is why they tend to make pretty awful pets, but make amazing working dogs.

I know you have had spaniels before very successfully. And I know you want to do right by this dog. But honestly, he is what he is – a very high drive dog that will never be the calm companion that you were seeking. He will always require a huge amount of stimulation and interaction with you to keep him happy. There is no shame in admitting that he may not be the dog for you – quite the contrary – 3 of my dogs were exactly the same and rehomed for the same reason – because their former owners realised it was just not going to work and just wanted the best for everyone – especially the dog. If they had stayed with their original owners, then it would have been miserable for everyone involved. I know of a number of amazingly successful agility dogs rehomed for the same reason. I am not telling you to rehome him, but I am suggesting you make whatever decision you choose to make knowing he will never be like the spaniels you have had before and needs a different approach.

If you want to keep the dog, then try to think on his wavelength – he wants to do LOTS with you – so interact with him as he wants – play games, find what motivates him and run with that. Do puppy foundation training for a dog sport, or go for obedience classes – anything really, but find a mutual hobby you can really get stuck into and go 2, 3 times a week and do your training homework in between everyday. Teach him to settle, but accept that he will only ever settle once he has had the mental and physical stimulation he needs, And accept that you will be exhausted – he is a high drive working puppy that needs you and your time. Accept that he will be VERY demanding for a number of months (potentially a couple of years) and that he will never be the calm companion you wanted. But also, understand that if you are willing to work with him, and fancy having a combined hobby, he could be the most amazing future sports dog, or future obedience dog, or future gundog-trials dog if you wanted to train him for that It all really depends on how much you are willing to commit to him. As I say, if that is not the life you want, then there is no shame in admitting that. It isnt the life for everyone. You just want what is best for the dog. And it sounds like you have had a few offers of some very suitable homes if that is the route you wanted to take. But I just wanted to put an honest opinion forward, based on my experience of spaniels. Sorry if I have overstepped or offended.

Hi Bootle.
Thank you for your reply. I do appreciate it. And definitely not overstepped or offended in any way.
Worried me but not offended
I read your reply to my OH because I know Barley is different to the Springers I have had before but in all fairness, I didn't have them from puppies, the youngest was six months old. And only when I was a child, did we have a Springer pup and course, the parents did the (wrong I might add) work. But have to say that from my experience, the Springers I have had might have been a bit neurotic, a bit mad, sensitive, a bit anxious but not as much as you have expressed. And I know Springers that also aren't as extreme as that.
You might be right about Barley, but you might be wrong too. He is still a puppy. Admittedly a more demanding puppy than others. But...he is beginning to settle independently and he does play independently. Not all the time but I have begun to see these small changes.
Will he be the 'calm' companion we want? Maybe, maybe not. I know he will always require exercise and stimulation but it is true to say that I wouldn't and couldn't do what you have suggested would be needed to be done (if he as as you say) and would not live as you do (we are all different and we accept that). There is a part of me that thinks you may be right, my OH thinks you are not and that he will become an obedient companion (not exactly a calm one but that is okay).
There is the train of thought that if you walk a dog five miles a day, you will always walk your dog five miles a day. It will be expected.
My Springer before was very high energy but when I was unable to walk him for miles every day, he adapted and was fine.
It could be a mismatch, it might not be in the end. We are still in the puppy stage, after all. He hasn't even lost his baby teeth.
I should have said that the behaviourist (it was actually for gundog training) who said he could take him to be rehomed as perhaps a police dog eventually if he passed the obedience tests, did say that we shouldn't give up on him. So he was watching us with Barley.
And the other person who is Barley's father's owner uses physical discipline with his gundogs, so it wouldn't have been an option. The idea was a bit ludicrous anyway and I think there was an agenda. So these aren't suitable homes for him.
I am hoping we will be a 'success' story but I don't know. I only know that we aren't prepared to give up yet. He is happy and is very affectionate and sweet as well as having this energy.
We have put a time limit on it because I am aware that it may not work out for us all.
But we have come this far so we can only see if he will be the loving dog that I think he has the potential to be, fingers crossed.