Blonde Bank Robbers

[~Dave~]

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Two blondes decide to rob a bank together. The first blonde, Judy, plans the robbery and goes over the plan with the second blonde, Buffie, in great detail.

The robbery begins. Judy drives up in front of the bank, stops the car and says to Buffie, "I want to make absolutely sure you understand the plan. You are supposed to be in and out of the bank in no more than three minutes with the cash. Do you understand the plan?"

"Perfectly," replies Buffie.

So Buffie goes in the bank while Judy waits in the getaway car. One minute passes... three minutes pass... seven minutes pass... and Judy is really starting to stress out.

Finally, the bank doors burst open and out comes Buffie. She has a safe wrapped up in rope and is dragging it to the car.

At about the same time she gets the safe into the trunk of the car, the bank doors burst open again with the security guard coming out. The guard's pants and underwear are down around his ankles while he fires his weapon.

As the gals drive away, Judy yells, "You are such a blonde! I thought you understood the plan!"

Buffie said, "I did. I did exactly what you said!"

"No, you idiot!" snapped Judy. "You got it all mixed up. I said tie up the GUARD and blow the SAFE!"

 

[~Dave~]

AND ANOTHER

Three blondes were walking in the forest one day. They saw a set of tracks and started arguing over what kind of tracks they were. The first blonde said, "I think they’re deer tracks!" The second blonde said, "I think they’re dog tracks!" The third blonde said, "Well, I think they’re cow tracks!" They were still arguing when the train hit them.

 

[~Dave~]

AND ANOTHER.....I'm on a roll

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead were convicted of a crime and sent to jail. Then they decide to escape, the brunette jumps up on the wall and then jumps in the bushes on the other side. The guards poke their heads around the door to see what the noise was so the brunette says, "meow meow."

The guards say, "Don't worry it was just a cat."

So then the redhead has to go, she gets up on the wall and jumps off into the bushes. Once again the guards come out and see what the trouble was and the redhead says, "meow meow."

The guards say, "oh never mind, just another cat..."

So then its the blonde's turn, so she gets up on the wall and jumps off, and into the bushes. And the guards come out once again to see what all the noise is, so the blonde says, "Don't Worry, its just Another Cat!!"

 

[~Dave~]

AND YET ANOTHER

Once upon a time, there was a blonde driving down the motorway. In the distance, she saw a brunette doing jumping jacks in the middle of the road, so she decided to pull over.

The brunette was jumping up and down clapping her hands over her head, and shouting, "Twenty one! Twenty one! Twenty one!" So, seeing how this looked like fun, the blonde got behind her, and started doing jumping jacks, and shouting, "Twenty one! Twenty one! Twenty one!"

This goes on for about an hour, and the brunette got tired, so she sat down. But the blonde decided to continue because she was having the best time of her lifedoing jumping jacks in the middle of the motorway shouting twenty one.

Along came a truck and splat! There goes the blonde. Well the brunette got up and went back into the road and started doing jumping jacks and shouting, "Twenty two! Twenty two! "

 

[~Dave~]

Two blonde girls were talking and one couldn't help but notice how pretty and beautiful the others skin was. So she asked her outright what made her skin so soft and beautiful."Well, once a week I fill the bathtub with milk and just soak in it."

So the blonde went to a farm and spoke to the farmer. "I'd like a lot of milk."

"How much?" asked the farmer.

"Well, quite a lot because I'm going to soak in it."

He asked, "Pasteurized?"

"No...just up to my boobies."

A blonde decides to do something wild she hasn't done before, so she sets out to rent her first X-rated adult video. She goes to the video shop and, after looking around for a while, selects a title that sounds very stimulating.

She drives home, lights some candles, slips into something comfortable, and puts the tape in the VCR. To her disappointment, there's nothing but static on the screen, so she calls the video shop to complain.

Blonde: "I just rented an adult movie from you and there's nothing on the tape, but static."

Shop assistant: "Sorry about, that. We've had problems with some of those tapes. Which title did you rent?"

Blonde says "It's called 'Head Cleaner."

A blonde went to the appliance store sale and found a bargain. "I would like to buy this TV," she told the salesman.

"Sorry, we don't sell to blondes," he replied. She hurried home and dyed her hair, then came back and again told the salesman "I would like to buy this TV."

"Sorry, we don't sell to blondes," he replied. "Darn, he recognized me," she thought. She went for a complete disguise this time, haircut and new color, new outfit, big sunglasses, then waited a few days before she again approached the salesman.

"I would like to buy this TV." "Sorry, we don't sell to blondes," he replied. Frustrated, she exclaimed "How do you know I'm a blonde?" "Because that's a microwave," he replied.

This blonde decides one day that she is sick and tired of all these blonde jokes and how all blondes are perceived as stupid, so she decides to show her husband that blondes really are smart.

While her husband is off at work, she decides that she is going to paint a couple of rooms in the house. The next day, right after her husband leaves for work, she gets down to the task at hand. Her husband arrives home at 5:30 and smells the distinctive smell of paint. He walks into the living room and finds his wife lying on the floor in a pool of sweat.

He notices that she is wearing a ski jacket and a fur coat at the same time. He goes over and asks her if she is ok. She replies yes. He asks what she is doing. She replies that she wanted to prove to him that not all blonde women are dumb and she wanted to do it by painting the house.

He then asks her why she has a ski jacket and a fur coat on.

She replies that she was reading the directions on the paint can and it said "For best results, put on two coats."

 

[The Whistler]

(w00t) (w00t) (w00t) funny (w00t) (w00t) (w00t)

 

[gabbitas31]

(w00t) This is giving me a good laugh. :thumbsup:

 

[posh totty]

(w00t) :thumbsup:

 

[hely]

totally brilliant Dave..........love them (im not blonde by the way :- " )

(w00t) (w00t) (w00t) (w00t)