Can't let go of my poorly dog.

[Murphy11]

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Hello,
I'm writing for advice re my beautiful Tibetan terrier, Murphy, who has been poorly now for over a year and a half.

He has been under a specialist and has IBD, and steroid-refractory chronic enteropsthy with ongoing gastrointestinal bleeding and iron deficiency anaemia .

He is on so many meds, with the latest 200mg Atopica, 5mg of steroids, Trental, iron injections, ferrous sulphate. Probiotic vsl#3. Royal canin hypoallergenic diet.

He was very poorly a few weeks back and our vet and specialist suggested we were just firefighting and to put him to sleep. He developed vasculitus and I felt he would pass naturally; the vets were very kind and said we had done so much for him but he wasnt responding to meds and it was time to let him go. But I couldn't as I saw him responding to the antibiotic they gave him and wanted to give him more time for new med Atopica to work whilst reducing the 25mg of steroids.

I've done so much research and listed his quality of life signs. At this time, I felt he still had fight in him. We've given him a blood transfusion a few times but his PCV keeps dropping.

The results weds were pcv of 15 (he has been 11). I feel stuck and helpless. He is tired in the morning but seems to spring back begging for food in the evenings.

I do not feel I can put him to sleep. He is 11 and not insured. He was insured up until 9 then I stopped paying as the premium was £350 a month; then after I stopped he got really sick. We have spent in the thousands on credit cards to get him what he needs but we just cannot control his anaemia.

He has had 3 blood transfusions. After last one 3 weeks ago he really perked up so I'm thinking we should give him another but then thinking sadly, that it will not change the fact he is not responding to his treatment.

The other option is a chemo drug but vet feels it would not work and there are risks with exposure to my toddler and older girl.

Feel so guilty. I feel I cant fix him, cant euthanize him and I cant watch him suffer.

Any advice welcome. I'm so devastated. Hes my baby x

 

[JudyN]

I'm so sorry - this must be so hard. Others with more experience will be able to give great advice based on their experience, but I just want to say - don't feel guilty. You have done so much for him, and sacrified so much. If you do what you believe to be the best for him - he's been lucky to have been so loved and have such a caring owner xxx

 

[JoanneF]

If he could talk, what do you think he would say? If it is 'thank you for trying but I am weary and don't feel well' then perhaps it is time to let him go. They say better a week too soon than a day too late. I am so sorry, it's a horrible decision but one that pet owners have to make. The more we love them, the greater the pain. If it helps, the Blue Cross has a pet bereavement counselling service .

 

[Murphy11]

Thank you so much. That means a lot. It's really comforting to hear from others who understand x x

 

[merlina]

I really do understand your conflicting emotions- we let our 10 yo spaniel go after his cancer proved unstoppable. We let him go after the best day we could give him. If not now then soon you will have to say goodbye to you much-loved dog for whom you've fought bravely- and you should have no guilt. Every day I wish my lost boy was still with me but every day I know he wouldn't wish it. He'd had enough. If you think you've got to that stage with him and his life offers only a little in return for pain and ill-health you'll know it because you are there to be his voice. I'm beyond sorry for you.

 

[Murphy11]

If he could talk, what do you think he would say? If it is 'thank you for trying but I am weary and don't feel well' then perhaps it is time to let him go. They say better a week too soon than a day too late. I am so sorry, it's a horrible decision but one that pet owners have to make. The more we love them, the greater the pain. If it helps, the Blue Cross has a pet bereavement counselling service .

I think that's really helpful to think what would he say. He probably would say right this minute " I want that sausage roll the toddlers not eating!" As he is begging for it as I text. But early in morning he would prob say I've had enough of all these meds and my belly hurts.......can you help me?"

 

[Murphy11]

I really do understand your conflicting emotions- we let our 10 yo spaniel go after his cancer proved unstoppable. We let him go after the best day we could give him. If not now then soon you will have to say goodbye to you much-loved dog for whom you've fought bravely- and you should have no guilt. Every day I wish my lost boy was still with me but every day I know he wouldn't wish it. He'd had enough. If you think you've got to that stage with him and his life offers only a little in return for pain and ill-health you'll know it because you are there to be his voice. I'm beyond sorry for you.

 

[Murphy11]

Sorry, I'm.new to this and im trying to reply individually to everyone but I'm pressing all the wrong buttons. I'll work it out then reply properly. I really appreciate everyone's kind words and to hear from those who just know. X x x

 

[Murphy11]

I'm so sorry - this must be so hard. Others with more experience will be able to give great advice based on their experience, but I just want to say - don't feel guilty. You have done so much for him, and sacrified so much. If you do what you believe to be the best for him - he's been lucky to have been so loved and have such a caring owner xxx

Thank you. Means so.much. I keep re-reading the message as I'm finding it hard to accept i couldn't do more

 

[Murphy11]

I really do understand your conflicting emotions- we let our 10 yo spaniel go after his cancer proved unstoppable. We let him go after the best day we could give him. If not now then soon you will have to say goodbye to you much-loved dog for whom you've fought bravely- and you should have no guilt. Every day I wish my lost boy was still with me but every day I know he wouldn't wish it. He'd had enough. If you think you've got to that stage with him and his life offers only a little in return for pain and ill-health you'll know it because you are there to be his voice. I'm beyond sorry for you.

So sorry for your loss and thank you for your lovely message. I think I'm starting to think he is at that stage but then I'm.so scared I'm jumping the gun. I cant fathom life without him. In the evenings he is like my old Murihy bringing his Kong to be filled with his treats (hypoallergenic kibble which he thinks is different from his food lol). But in the morning he is so exhausted. It feels like mixed messages. I feel I cant make plans to put him to sleep whilst he shows interest in life but then in the morning I think I'm being cruel keeping him going because hes seems to be deteriorating.

 

[Mad Murphy]

I understand your pain and grief because thats what this is , you are grieving now for the loss you know is coming but I will put to you the question my vet used to put to those in your postition..

At the end of the day who are you doing this for?
Is it for Murphy because his life will be returned to normal and he will be healthy again?
or is it for you because you cannot let go?

We have all been in the position of having to say goodbye. But it is the greatest act of kindness to let them go while we still want them to stay and they are suffering and there is no hope of recovery to normal life. You say you cant watch him suffer but Im sorry that is exactly what is happening.

I hope you find the strength and peace to let go while Murphy still has a little dignity..

 

[Murphy11]

I understand your pain and grief because thats what this is , you are grieving now for the loss you know is coming but I will put to you the question my vet used to put to those in your postition..

At the end of the day who are you doing this for?
Is it for Murphy because his life will be returned to normal and he will be healthy again?
or is it for you because you cannot let go?

We have all been in the position of having to say goodbye. But it is the greatest act of kindness to let them go while we still want them to stay and they are suffering and there is no hope of recovery to normal life. You say you cant watch him suffer but Im sorry that is exactly what is happening.

I hope you find the strength and peace to let go while Murphy still has a little dignity..

Thank you for your message. Everything you have said above I understand and take on board. I think where my difficulty lies is that his conditions of IBD and anaemia are controllable and I believe on some level I've just not found the right medicine and if I did then he could return to being healthy. My vet said if it was a diagnosis of cancer or tumour that it's really difficult in itself but when its something which pets can live with and manage it makes decision more confusing.

I feel like I've failed him. I know I need to listen to my vets too and respect their experience. Seeing the specialist on Tuesday.

 

[JudyN]

Even if there is a small chance he could return to health, that doesn't mean that hanging on just in case is the right thing to do, because you are putting him through more suffering just on a very remote chance that something might work. Honestly, you will fail him more if his last days are miserable than if you said goodbye to him now believing that just maybe, there is a 'fix' you have missed. Or rather, if you say goodbye to him while he still has quality of life but in all probability that quality will deteriorate, then you haven't failed him in the slightest.

 

[Mad Murphy]

The only time you have failed is when you let him suffer...

Searching for a magic cure is a sign of hopelessness..

 

[excuseme]

I'm so sorry, it is such a horrid decision for you but probably kinder for him
This is my favorite poem;

May I Go?

Best wishes.

 

[Murphy11]

Even if there is a small chance he could return to health, that doesn't mean that hanging on just in case is the right thing to do, because you are putting him through more suffering just on a very remote chance that something might work. Honestly, you will fail him more if his last days are miserable than if you said goodbye to him now believing that just maybe, there is a 'fix' you have missed. Or rather, if you say goodbye to him while he still has quality of life but in all probability that quality will deteriorate, then you haven't failed him in the slightest.

Thanks JudyN, this message really made sense to me; I think I've been scared to admit the remote chance of recovery but things seem clearer now. I feel I've started to accept things more now. Thank you x

 

[Murphy11]

The only time you have failed is when you let him suffer...

Searching for a magic cure is a sign of hopelessness..

Yep, I'm realising that now. Think I just needed people who love dogs to guide me to face the facts. Thank you x x x

 

[Murphy11]

I'm so sorry, it is such a horrid decision for you but probably kinder for him
This is my favorite poem;

May I Go?

Best wishes.

What a beautiful poem - that really touched me and thank you for your kind words and support x x x x