Friday Mornin Funny

[lurcherburger]

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Three men who were lost in the forest were captured by cannibals. The cannibal king told the prisoners that they could live if they could pass one trial. The first step of the trial was to go to the forest and gather ten pieces of the same kind of fruit. So all three men went separate ways to gather fruits.

The first one came back and said to the king. " I have brought ten apples to you." The king then explained the trial to him. "You have to shove the fruits up your butt one at a time without any expression on your face or you will be killed and eaten."

The first apple went in...but on the second one he winced out in pain, so he was killed and put in the pot.

The second guy arrives and showed the king ten berries. When the king explained the trial to him he thought to himself that this should be easy. 1...2...3...4...5...6...7...8.. and on the ninth berry he burst out in laughter and was killed.

The first guy and the second guy met in heaven. The first one asked, "Why did you laugh, you almost got away with it?" The second guy replied, "I couldn't help it, I saw the third guy coming with pineapples."

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

 

[lurcherburger]

A blonde wanting to earn some money decided to hire herself out as a handyman- type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do. "Well, you can paint my porch, how much will you charge?" he replied. The blonde said "How about $50.00 ?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladder were in the garage. The man's wife inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?" The man replied, "She should, she was standing on the porch." A short time later, the blond came to the door to collect her money. "You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes, the blond answered and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats". Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50.00 "and by the way the blond added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari".

 

[lurcherburger]

a second grade teacher talked one day to her class about speech impediments.

"Human beings are the only animals that stutter", she says.

A little girl raises her hand. "I had a kitty-cat who stuttered", she volunteered.

The teacher, knowing how precious some of these stories could become, asked the girl to describe the incident.

"Well", she began, "I was in the back yard with my kitty and the dog that lives next door got a running start and before we knew it, he jumped over the fence into our yard!

"That must've been scary", said the teacher.

"It sure was", said the little girl. "My little kitty went 'Fffff, Fffff, Fffff'... and before he could say "F**k," the dog ate him!"

 

[Kath]

:lol: Love em :lol:

 

[AnnSa]

 

[kris]

:lol: (w00t) :thumbsup: