- Messages
- 2,664
- Reaction score
- 0
- Points
- 0
You need to concentrate on this............
How do you shoot a blue elephant?
With a blue elephant gun
How do you shoot a pink elephant
Twist its tail until it turns blue and shoot it with a blue elephant gun
How do you shoot a green elephant?
Tell it dirty jokes until it turns pink, twist its tail until it turns blue and shoot it with a blue elephant gun
How do you shoot a yellow elephant?
You don't get yellow elephants
What's an elephant's favourite game?
Squash
Why do elephants paint their toes red?
So they can hide in strawberry patches
How do you know it works?
You never see an elephant in your strawberry patch
Why do elephants hide in strawberry patches?
So they can jump out and tread on people
Why do elephants jump out and tread on people?
It's how they play squash
Why do elephants wear sandals?
To avoid sinking into the sand
Why do ostriches stick their heads in the sand
To look for elephants who forgot to wear their sandals
Why are the bottom of elephants sandals yellow?
So they can hide upside down in bowls of custard
Why do elephants travel in herds?
To get a reduction from sellers of yellow bottomed sandals
In what way is an elephant like a banana?
They're both yellow except the banana
What's the difference between an elephant and a plum?
Plums are purple
What did Tarzan say when he saw a herd of elephants in the distance?
Look, a herd of elephants
What did Tarzan say when he saw a herd of elephants in the distance wearing sunglasses?
Nothing, he didn't recognise them
What did Jane say when she saw a herd of elephants in the distance?
Look, a herd of plums. Jane is colourblind
How many elephants can you get into a mini?
four, two in the front and two in the back
How many elephants can travel on a mini?
five, two in the front, two in the back and one on the luggage rack
How can you tell if there's an elephant in the fridge?
Footprints in the butter
How can you tell if there are two elephants in the fridge?
Two footprints in the butter
How can you tell if there are three elephants in the fridge? The door won't shut
How can you tell if there are four elephants in the fridge?
There is an elephant waiting outside in a mini
How do you get a giraffe in the fridge?
Open the fridge, insert the giraffe, then close the door
How do you get an elephant in a fridge?
Open the fridge door, remove the giraffe, insert the elephant, then close the fridge door
How do you get eight elephants in a fridge?
Get two minis, put four elephants in each, open the fridge door, remove the elephant, put in the two minis, then close the fridge door. A fridge large enough to hold an elephant can easily hold two minis.
How do you get the entire elephant population of Africa in the fridge?
Put signs leading to your fridge saying 'Free yellow bottomed sandals, this way'
How can you tell if there is an elephant under your bed?
your nose touches the ceiling
How do you tell if there is an elephant in your bed?
There is a small letter E on his pyjama pocket
Why are elephant big grey and wrinkly?
If they were small white and smooth they'd be aspirins
How do you get an elephant up a tree?
put it on an acorn and wait for fifty years
How do you get it down again?
Wait until autumn and let it float down on a leaf
Why are crocodiles so short?
They stand under trees in autumn
Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?
It was dead
Why did the chicken fall out of the tree?
It was stapled to the monkey
Why did the elephant fall out of the tree?
It thought it was a game
Why did the tree fall over?
It thought it was an elephant
Why did the elephant cross the road?
It was the next logical step after coming down from the tree
How do you shoot a blue elephant?
With a blue elephant gun
How do you shoot a pink elephant
Twist its tail until it turns blue and shoot it with a blue elephant gun
How do you shoot a green elephant?
Tell it dirty jokes until it turns pink, twist its tail until it turns blue and shoot it with a blue elephant gun
How do you shoot a yellow elephant?
You don't get yellow elephants
What's an elephant's favourite game?
Squash
Why do elephants paint their toes red?
So they can hide in strawberry patches
How do you know it works?
You never see an elephant in your strawberry patch
Why do elephants hide in strawberry patches?
So they can jump out and tread on people
Why do elephants jump out and tread on people?
It's how they play squash
Why do elephants wear sandals?
To avoid sinking into the sand
Why do ostriches stick their heads in the sand
To look for elephants who forgot to wear their sandals
Why are the bottom of elephants sandals yellow?
So they can hide upside down in bowls of custard
Why do elephants travel in herds?
To get a reduction from sellers of yellow bottomed sandals
In what way is an elephant like a banana?
They're both yellow except the banana
What's the difference between an elephant and a plum?
Plums are purple
What did Tarzan say when he saw a herd of elephants in the distance?
Look, a herd of elephants
What did Tarzan say when he saw a herd of elephants in the distance wearing sunglasses?
Nothing, he didn't recognise them
What did Jane say when she saw a herd of elephants in the distance?
Look, a herd of plums. Jane is colourblind
How many elephants can you get into a mini?
four, two in the front and two in the back
How many elephants can travel on a mini?
five, two in the front, two in the back and one on the luggage rack
How can you tell if there's an elephant in the fridge?
Footprints in the butter
How can you tell if there are two elephants in the fridge?
Two footprints in the butter
How can you tell if there are three elephants in the fridge? The door won't shut
How can you tell if there are four elephants in the fridge?
There is an elephant waiting outside in a mini
How do you get a giraffe in the fridge?
Open the fridge, insert the giraffe, then close the door
How do you get an elephant in a fridge?
Open the fridge door, remove the giraffe, insert the elephant, then close the fridge door
How do you get eight elephants in a fridge?
Get two minis, put four elephants in each, open the fridge door, remove the elephant, put in the two minis, then close the fridge door. A fridge large enough to hold an elephant can easily hold two minis.
How do you get the entire elephant population of Africa in the fridge?
Put signs leading to your fridge saying 'Free yellow bottomed sandals, this way'
How can you tell if there is an elephant under your bed?
your nose touches the ceiling
How do you tell if there is an elephant in your bed?
There is a small letter E on his pyjama pocket
Why are elephant big grey and wrinkly?
If they were small white and smooth they'd be aspirins
How do you get an elephant up a tree?
put it on an acorn and wait for fifty years
How do you get it down again?
Wait until autumn and let it float down on a leaf
Why are crocodiles so short?
They stand under trees in autumn
Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?
It was dead
Why did the chicken fall out of the tree?
It was stapled to the monkey
Why did the elephant fall out of the tree?
It thought it was a game
Why did the tree fall over?
It thought it was an elephant
Why did the elephant cross the road?
It was the next logical step after coming down from the tree
