Knowing when it is time......

Hello

this is my first posting on DogForum.

I have come here to be assured that I am doing the right thing for my girl, Lucy.

Terrier cross Rescue dog that I have had for 11 years, and although I have never not had a dog in my entire life, this little lady is my absolute true heart friend. My last 2 dogs I lost as emergencies so in many respects the decision was taken out of my hand.

Lucy is the most beautiful, kind, gentle, loyal and loving companion. She and I have been best buddies since the day I went to see her. I talk to her incessantly and in my mind she talks back

Last year Lucy became very unwell and was diagnosed with acute pancreatitis, We did really well and controlled that to the extent her pancreas remains very healthy. We also had raised liver enzymes which came back to normal with careful diet, At the beginning of December Lucy started with more vomiting and her stools became darker - we had the usual bloods and anti sickness......everything returned as normal, so a further abdominal scan showed a mass in her abdo but at the junction of the intestine. She is 13, and the prognosis I was given on 19 Dec was immediate extensive surgery which may give her 6 months or so or palliative care.

We discussed it at length and decided on palliative care, mainly because of her age, and the fact that so much extensive surgery couldn't guarantee her a prolonged life, and we felt we wanted to be together as a family unit, If she had been a younger dog we may have explored this but not at her age.

So we were told we would possibly have 3 weeks or so. Given ranitidine to try to keep the abdo less inflamed and general advice. My Vet is lovely and Lucy loves her, she is thorough and doesn't mind how many times I may phone her with concerns, Initially Lucy did well, the ranitidine certainly seemed to settle her tummy, she was having a bland diet but still fairly low fat so as not to exacerbate the pancreatitis, but I was giving her lots of variety. We enjoyed our walks.....much shorter than before but enough for her to say hi to other doggies, have a good sniff around and enjoy some fresh air.

Every body including the Vet tells me you will know when it is time, and better a day early than a day late.......but I find this really really hard to take on board. Lucy (and this isn't intended to sound disrespectful) is a lady who always has wanted to please us. I have never wanted to be selfish in this but to give her the dignity she deserves, although even now I have cried for a week. Lucy will not take her painkillers - we have tried mashed up, in pate, in cheese, in mash, in chicken and after seeing the vet last night in liquid food. But she will not take it and I will not distress her further.

Today was her last walk. She was giddy to go, as soon as I started to get dressed, bouncing around for her lead. But 100yds later is looking at me like I am putting her through hell. Kept stopping.......slow slow slow. Got home and realised that we will never go for another walk other than potter round the garden. Broke my heart, My girl and I since the day I got her have been up and out early doing a good 5 miles most days until a couple of years ago when she started to dislocate her knee.

Her breathing is a little rapid. Doesn't appear distressed but when we used to lie on the couch together watching TV I used to be amazed that we breathed exactly together, Now it is more rapid than mine. Her appetite is reasonable. Today had salmon and sardines for 2 of her meals and wolved them but isn't having much bowel activity. Sleeping quite contentedly now,.

Last night the Vet seemed quite pleased generally - she could feel the mass in her belly whereas in Dec she couldn't and it was only diagnosed by scan. But on the whole Lucy was better than she thought and with some liquid anti emetic (she spends alot of time licking her lips) and trying the painkillers, said that if she continued to eat could possibly have another 2-4weeks. We all came home, including Lucy, feeling a little buoyant.

Today that seems to have changed - the walking issue - the pain control issue, the fact that she is sleeping and eating and struggling to go to the loo, and that is her life. I phoned the Vets but her own vet isn't in until Monday now,.

I will never ever let her suffer (but I don't know how to tell) and I would never be selfish as much as I just don't want to let her go,. my true soul mate. I would rather that her own Vet is the one to help me say goodbye, but that is asking another 3 days from my brave little girl. I don't know any of the other Vets particularly well, One I dislike when he was so rude a couple of years ago.

I know it is important to ME to have her own Vet, I do believe that will help with my healing afterwards, But I want to do what is right for Lucy and if that means we have to say goodbye before Monday then so be it............but how do I know??

My heart is already broken in to tiny pieces, I just want to do whatever is right for her,

xxxxxxxxx

 

Thank you gypsysmum2

I am typing through tears as this decision has been made this morning as Lucy has started to vomit, and it is 12hrs since her last meal.

As the mass is where it is and she is also struggling to pooh, then I am worried she may be beginning to "obstruct" and when we were first given the news, vomiting was one of my markers.

I will be ringing the Vets when they open and I fear today will be our last hours together.

xxx

 

Thank you all.

5pm tonight we have an appointment, my girl will go to sleep.

Heartbroken but I believe it is what she wants. That line keeps going through my head "If love alone could have saved you, you would live forever" and it is true.

xx

 

Lucy had the most peaceful and dignified passing........in my arms and with my words in her ears. So reassured by the Vet about how she wouldn't know and he was so beautiful with her it was as though she was his own dog.

Heartbroken

x