I am in bits about rehoming (when I say rehoming I am aware of Lucy's Law either back to breeder or rescue) my Toy Cockapoo puppy Maple who is 16 weeks tomorrow. This is an epic post and appreciate anyone who reads it..... I just needed to share.
By way of background: I've been thinking about getting a dog for years. Assessed for a rescue dog by a Romanian dog charity and passed this a few years ago but decided against as I didn't feel that I could deal with the behavioural issues as I am training as a Trauma Therapist and undergoing my own therapy as part of this. I'm on my own, 58 years this year! My son lives in Hong Kong and decided he does not want children. I have no extended family, a few friends and my consistent social life was attending yoga each week, a Womens' Circle and drumming and singing circle on a Saturday night. There were some other events and I live by the sea so swim in the sea in all weathers. Dogs are on the beach (weather permitting) socialising.
I have been getting alerts for UK either rehoming or puppies for sale for some time. I wanted a small to medium dog as I'm in a flat and have no garden though very easy access to gardens and the beach and wonderful woods and parks. At a very low moment, I received an email for Toy Cockapoos and thought that I would start looking. I arranged to see the puppies a few days later. I already had purchased a dog crate, toys and various other things in anticpation from a few years ago. The crate would not fit in the car so I thought that's good I won't buy one today as can't transport it. I travelled for an hour and half to see the puppies and on the way there I thought if there is a Pets at Home nearby I could get things for the puppy and something to transport it in. It ended up being an entirely emotional decison without research (pupyy contracts) and I forgot to ask questions etc etc! The puppy that I chose was quieter and I only went and brought her home that day. She came with blanket, toy, food she had been weaned on, flea treatment, food bowl etc. So I felt that gave me some confidence that the puppies came from a good home. I was sent a video that morning and when I arrived I saw the puppies (2 left) being fed and eating. Then playing with each other, picking up and holding them and then collapsing on a large teddy bear that was on the floor in the play pen area for a nap. I went to Pets at Home and bought some essential items. Came back to finally choose the puppy I wanted.
As I say I choose the quiet one. She didn't sit down during the whole journey in the dog carrier, she was I now realise stressed as she was panting the whole way home. She did not wee or poo during the whole journey. She would not drink water or take a treat. When arriving home she was shaking with fear. I held her in my arms for ages and her shaking stopped. I thought that sleeping in the contained dog carrier would help her feel safe that evening so set that up with blankets etc with the side open if she wanted to get out. This was next to my bed, she did not wee or poo that evening and did not cry or whinge. Did not move out of the carrier until I lifted her. With hindsight she was in a Nervous System shut down state. I took her out and she trembled in my arms walking about and anyone coming near he to stroke her she would tremble and move away. I took her to the vet for her second injection the following Wednesday. She was so totally unresponsive that the vet wanted to do blood tests as this was not normal puppy behaviour. She behaved differently as she was feeling safe in the flat with me and playing with toys though she stayed in the centre of one room not venturing outside yet.
So the puppy that I had was not sociable and would not go into a puppy sling so I could walk about with her and see sights and socialise her. We were limited to where I could carry her, sitting on local benches and some car journeys to get essentials. On a grass area in front of the flat. She was not settling for naps as if I moved she would follow me. I couldn't get her to settle in the crate and every day I would put treats in and she would go in quickly and then move out as quickly or not go in at all.
All in all, I had been in the flat for weeks alone and was at the end of my tether. As she would not engage with friends their excitement ended as she would not engage with them. I have felt so isolated and alone and really not handling the puppy training so well and feeling that there is no end in sight. I feel so ashamed that I had been wanting to rehome her. Funds are tight, however, I got a dog trainer to assess her and she said that she was too nervous to attend Puppy Class. This would have been a gateway to meet other puppy owners. I had envisaged puppy dates for them to play. The trainer said it would be a slow process to build her confidence. She was not the dog that had been advertised, socialised with family and grandchildren and other dogs and used to household noises. There had been contractors building in the area and noise that I was informed the puppies had been around.
As a last resort I found Lydia a dog trainer/doing level 5 behavioural course a new start up business with an hourly rate of £20 an hour. She has supported Maple being crate trained and taken her out every day last week to support building her confidence. Maple is soooo nervous and runs from other people; tail down; and many other dogs. She has also said it is a slow process and has a plan for training over the next 4 weeks and again when she is 6 months old. Maple loves her and gets excited when she sees her. There has been progress but not with other people unless they make her feel safe.
I can't see an end in sight and it is affecting my mental health not socialising and living alone. My life is dog, dog and dog. I knew a puppy would be hard work but the fact that she is so nervous and people don't want to stop and chat if I say please don't stroke her. She is very cute. She does not like being handled unless on her terms, does not like confined spaces..... There is so much.... won't let me touch her ears. I'm doing lots of desensitesation and food is being given for play and treats with no bowl.
I bought her because it said she was well socialised and that was important for me . I keep vasilating between rehoming her but I feel so bad if I was to do that. That is why I wanted a listening ear with someone who does not know me. It's dog heaven around where I live with lots of socilising in the local gardens (one of which is paid for and a secure area). I wanted to socialise with my puppy.
On a head level I can see she is not a good fit for me. But I didn't have the heart to do anything before I had tried everything. My son who lives away is helping me in the short term with costs of the dog trainer. If I had the funds I think I would pay for someone to do puppy check in's a couple of times a week so I could go to at least yoga and the womens circle which are outside working hours for the dog trainer.
I am presently on the side of releasing her. I have not taken formal steps. I have had the intention of doing this for the past couple of day. I know it is a long post but I needed to share where I am at. Anyone who reads my manuscript I soo appreciate your time. Thank ypu. I can't be the only person who has been through something similar.
By way of background: I've been thinking about getting a dog for years. Assessed for a rescue dog by a Romanian dog charity and passed this a few years ago but decided against as I didn't feel that I could deal with the behavioural issues as I am training as a Trauma Therapist and undergoing my own therapy as part of this. I'm on my own, 58 years this year! My son lives in Hong Kong and decided he does not want children. I have no extended family, a few friends and my consistent social life was attending yoga each week, a Womens' Circle and drumming and singing circle on a Saturday night. There were some other events and I live by the sea so swim in the sea in all weathers. Dogs are on the beach (weather permitting) socialising.
I have been getting alerts for UK either rehoming or puppies for sale for some time. I wanted a small to medium dog as I'm in a flat and have no garden though very easy access to gardens and the beach and wonderful woods and parks. At a very low moment, I received an email for Toy Cockapoos and thought that I would start looking. I arranged to see the puppies a few days later. I already had purchased a dog crate, toys and various other things in anticpation from a few years ago. The crate would not fit in the car so I thought that's good I won't buy one today as can't transport it. I travelled for an hour and half to see the puppies and on the way there I thought if there is a Pets at Home nearby I could get things for the puppy and something to transport it in. It ended up being an entirely emotional decison without research (pupyy contracts) and I forgot to ask questions etc etc! The puppy that I chose was quieter and I only went and brought her home that day. She came with blanket, toy, food she had been weaned on, flea treatment, food bowl etc. So I felt that gave me some confidence that the puppies came from a good home. I was sent a video that morning and when I arrived I saw the puppies (2 left) being fed and eating. Then playing with each other, picking up and holding them and then collapsing on a large teddy bear that was on the floor in the play pen area for a nap. I went to Pets at Home and bought some essential items. Came back to finally choose the puppy I wanted.
As I say I choose the quiet one. She didn't sit down during the whole journey in the dog carrier, she was I now realise stressed as she was panting the whole way home. She did not wee or poo during the whole journey. She would not drink water or take a treat. When arriving home she was shaking with fear. I held her in my arms for ages and her shaking stopped. I thought that sleeping in the contained dog carrier would help her feel safe that evening so set that up with blankets etc with the side open if she wanted to get out. This was next to my bed, she did not wee or poo that evening and did not cry or whinge. Did not move out of the carrier until I lifted her. With hindsight she was in a Nervous System shut down state. I took her out and she trembled in my arms walking about and anyone coming near he to stroke her she would tremble and move away. I took her to the vet for her second injection the following Wednesday. She was so totally unresponsive that the vet wanted to do blood tests as this was not normal puppy behaviour. She behaved differently as she was feeling safe in the flat with me and playing with toys though she stayed in the centre of one room not venturing outside yet.
So the puppy that I had was not sociable and would not go into a puppy sling so I could walk about with her and see sights and socialise her. We were limited to where I could carry her, sitting on local benches and some car journeys to get essentials. On a grass area in front of the flat. She was not settling for naps as if I moved she would follow me. I couldn't get her to settle in the crate and every day I would put treats in and she would go in quickly and then move out as quickly or not go in at all.
All in all, I had been in the flat for weeks alone and was at the end of my tether. As she would not engage with friends their excitement ended as she would not engage with them. I have felt so isolated and alone and really not handling the puppy training so well and feeling that there is no end in sight. I feel so ashamed that I had been wanting to rehome her. Funds are tight, however, I got a dog trainer to assess her and she said that she was too nervous to attend Puppy Class. This would have been a gateway to meet other puppy owners. I had envisaged puppy dates for them to play. The trainer said it would be a slow process to build her confidence. She was not the dog that had been advertised, socialised with family and grandchildren and other dogs and used to household noises. There had been contractors building in the area and noise that I was informed the puppies had been around.
As a last resort I found Lydia a dog trainer/doing level 5 behavioural course a new start up business with an hourly rate of £20 an hour. She has supported Maple being crate trained and taken her out every day last week to support building her confidence. Maple is soooo nervous and runs from other people; tail down; and many other dogs. She has also said it is a slow process and has a plan for training over the next 4 weeks and again when she is 6 months old. Maple loves her and gets excited when she sees her. There has been progress but not with other people unless they make her feel safe.
I can't see an end in sight and it is affecting my mental health not socialising and living alone. My life is dog, dog and dog. I knew a puppy would be hard work but the fact that she is so nervous and people don't want to stop and chat if I say please don't stroke her. She is very cute. She does not like being handled unless on her terms, does not like confined spaces..... There is so much.... won't let me touch her ears. I'm doing lots of desensitesation and food is being given for play and treats with no bowl.
I bought her because it said she was well socialised and that was important for me . I keep vasilating between rehoming her but I feel so bad if I was to do that. That is why I wanted a listening ear with someone who does not know me. It's dog heaven around where I live with lots of socilising in the local gardens (one of which is paid for and a secure area). I wanted to socialise with my puppy.
On a head level I can see she is not a good fit for me. But I didn't have the heart to do anything before I had tried everything. My son who lives away is helping me in the short term with costs of the dog trainer. If I had the funds I think I would pay for someone to do puppy check in's a couple of times a week so I could go to at least yoga and the womens circle which are outside working hours for the dog trainer.
I am presently on the side of releasing her. I have not taken formal steps. I have had the intention of doing this for the past couple of day. I know it is a long post but I needed to share where I am at. Anyone who reads my manuscript I soo appreciate your time. Thank ypu. I can't be the only person who has been through something similar.
