Rescue dog still does not show affection after nearly 3 years

[Queen Victoria]

Join our free community today.

Connect with other like-minded dog lovers!

Login or Register

Hello, Lulu came to us as a 2 yr old rescue dog from Cyprus. She had totally shut down. She stays in her bed in my bedroom all day. She only comes out to go out for walks. I still have to feed her there. She loves her walks and is out going engaging with other dogs, her recall is acceptable. However, back home she is a different dog. Still frightened of unknown noises and doesn’t show any affection at all. Do I need to do more? If so what? Should I just accept she will always live in the bedroom and not want cuddles? Is she happy‍ Any advice,ideas welcome.

 

[JudyN]

Does she show you affection when out of the house, and if so, how? How does she respond to people she meets on walks? How about in your garden (assuming you have one) - does she interact with you out there, and are there any games (of any description) she likes to do out there?

If you put her food on the landing, would she eat it out there?

What would happen if your bedroom door was shut so she couldn't get in after a walk? (I'm not suggesting you try this if you haven't before, unless someone more experienced suggests it - she needs her security.)

Also, could there be any environmental triggers in the house that could be upsetting her? I'm thinking of things as seemingly inconsequential as fridges turning on and off - testing this might not be so simple though...

Sorry for all the questions, but the more complete our picture is, the more we may be able to help.

 

[JoanneF]

Remember too that former street dogs grew up learning that humans were unsafe, dangerous - some may never become like normal pets.

Have you tried Adaptil diffusers in the house?

 

[Queen Victoria]

Hi Judy, thank you for replying. Lulu has no interest in toys eg ball throwing. She doesn’t show affection outside. She’ll wag her tail if she sees someone or a dog she recognises on her walk but doesn’t interact. She is used to the environmental sounds in the house unless one she’s not heard before. If I closed the bedroom door I think she would pace outside. I have tried coaxing her out of the bedroom with food but she becomes so stressed continually checking it is safe before she eats I felt it was cruel not putting her food where she feels safe.

 

[Queen Victoria]

Remember too that former street dogs grew up learning that humans were unsafe, dangerous - some may never become like normal pets.

Have you tried Adaptil diffusers in the house?

 

[Queen Victoria]

Hello Joanne, I do know Lulu’s background in that she was in a PTS pound. I know many dogs abroad have stones thrown at them etc and are therefore naturally frightened of people. She is frightened of men. I do avoid what I know frightens her because of fear stacking. Luckily we live in a quiet house. I tried the Adaptil plug ins and collars for many months but they didn’t seem to have any effect and expensive!

 

[Tinytom]

Could you get another dog .....
Welcome to the forum ....
Alot of ex street dogs do best when they live with another dog especially one that can teach them that humans are ok ...
I know a lady that had a Romanian rescue dog that loved behind the sofa at home ...waa fine outside with other dogs but didnt feel safe inside until she adopted a dog from this country...

 

[Queen Victoria]

Hi Tiny Tom,
Yes we got another rescue for that reason 2 years ago. They are fine with one another but don’t interact at all. Bonnie loves our company and wants to be with us all the time. Unfortunately it hasn’t made any difference to Lulu.

 

[Tinytom]

At least you have tried...
If she is happy being upstairs I would leave her be and just accept that is how she is ...she is lucky to have such an understanding owner so many of these dogs end up being given up on with no rescue back up...
As long as she enjoys her walks and has a quality of life I think you have given her a wonderful home xx

 

[Queen Victoria]

Thank you very much, that’s kind of you and given me reassurance I can do no more.

 

[Hemlock]

I too think you should accept her as she is - trauma doesn't go away, not for humans either. I bet if you'd kept a diary from when she first arrived, you would realise how far she has come. You have done brilliantly, but no amount of love and care can change the mindset of a street dog that quite probably comes from generations of them. She has given you the canine equivalent of a bouquet of flowers every day, so be proud.

 

[Feverfew]

I know a little dog, also from Cyprus, who is very similar. Her owner, who is elderly, walks her every day on the same field as I walk with my Romanian dog. He described to me how his dog, Toots, doesn't interact at all with him in the house, and spends all her time upstairs in his bedroom. She doesn't show him any affection, though she likes her ears rubbed sometimes.
However, his dog has the most amazing canine skills, and I know this because she is one of very, very few dogs my Romanian rescue tolerates (in addition to his housemate). Her body language is incredibly subtle - our dogs don't play together on the field, and don't even come into physical contact, but they do communicate beautifully from a distance. Amazing and a privilege to watch.
The reason I say all this is because I bet your dog has similar canine skills and great strengths in communicating with her own kind. From my perspective, you are absolutely blessed to spend your life with such a truthful dog because dogs like that are very rare indeed. And she is blessed to have your love and understanding - I love the way you feed her where she feels safe, not where it is convenient for you. What dog would not love a safe home like that?

 

[Queen Victoria]

Many thanks for your kind words, I really appreciate it. I have used a brilliant Face Book advice forum which is run by dog psychologists, behaviour experts and vets. I have learnt a lot about dogs through Lulu which I wish I’d known years ago when I first started adopting dogs. I do think she is quite intelligent. Eg at the end of the walk she will sit where I can’t reach her and then bottom shuffle backwards when I move towards her. She is a sweetheart and I thank you for your reassurance she is happy which is all I ask of her.

 

[RGC]

Thank you very much, that’s kind of you and given me reassurance I can do no more.

I’m by no means a dog psychologist so accept that this view isn’t from an expert. From what I can gather you’ve done all the right things - haven’t imposed conditions and have given Lulu her own space. What more could she want? As Hemlock has said, you probably don’t appreciate the progress you’ve made in her time with you. On a personal note our rescue will come to me for a gentle fuss but on the occasions when I go to her for a cuddle there’s no reciprocation. She can be very aloof and I have to accept her distance but, like Lulu, she knows that she’s safe. I’m sure the environment you’re providing for Lulu is the best for her.

 

[Hemlock]

Worth also considering - dogs don't stroke or cuddle other dogs. We like to stroke and cuddle, but it's alien to their mindset. So when we give them a human "nice" it is only nice to them in the way that they let us because they like us, and they know we like to handle them that way. We wouldn't like to lick them or sniff their butts. So what dogs tolerate and what dogs come to like and what dogs are programmed for are different things.

I speak as one who loves to stroke dogs that know me well, or have them snuggle up to me, but I haven't cuddled dogs for many years once I realised how unnatural it was for them. Like pats on the head aren't nice either. Doesn't mean individual dogs don't like to be cuddled - of course they do - but if we watch dog/human interaction, it's amazing how many dogs are metaphorically gritting their teeth while their owners think they loooove what is being done to them.

 

[RGC]

“…… are metaphorically gritting their teeth while their owners think they loooove what is being done to them”. Nail on head, Hemlock.

 

[Queen Victoria]

I agree, and as far as Lulu is concerned by affection I probably meant acknowledgment. She doesn’t greet me in any way when she sees me and still runs past me if she passes me. (Related to her past I guess) I wouldn’t dream of forcing myself on her, and if I sit on the floor long enough she will eventually come to me. However, I think some dogs love to be stroked and cuddled. My other rescue dog lifts my hand up with her nose for me to continue petting her.

 

[Feverfew]

Yes, I agree. My old Lurcher could not get close enough to me on the settee - he loved to be held in my arms, whereas my little collie doesn't even like being touched.
One possibility is pain - eg arthritis) if a dog doesn't want to be touched, but it sounds like that's just her character. I think & aknowledgement' is ever such a good way of describing a mutually respectful greeting.

 

[CoCo2014]

I currently have 2 dogs from street dog ancestry. My Rommie boy has never known anything other than sympathetic humans, having been lucky enough to be born in the home of the incredible lady, who pulled his heavily pregnant mum from a public kill shelter just before she whelped. He's a very normal chilled out boy, who loves to be next to me, the only behaviour that reveals his ancestry is his vigilance to sound, he's a really good"warner"of even the quietest of delivery drivers, visitors etc. He loves to sleep next to me & loves his T-Touch massage.
My other boy was born on the streets of Portugal & sadly was abused in his first home in the UK, he is terrified of 2/3 year old children & anyone who takes illegal drugs, especially cannabis. He is also frightened of unknown dogs & offers lots of fearful behaviours. Luckily he has bonded with my Rommie, who has excellent inter dog skills. He also now loves his T Touch massage.

TT uses the body's own endorphines to reduce stress levels.& induces fear levels, without the use of drugs

 

[JoanneF]

Have you seen this page? It might help.

Romanian and other street dogs