Ruby will be 15 years old next Saturday, 20th June. 18 months ago she was diagnosed with chronic kidney disease, in early December 2018. She responded really well to treatment and it was only months later than her vet revealed they hadn't thought she was going to survive more than a couple of weeks. With monitoring and fluids via drip when needed, plus a restricted diet, she's continued to do really well. Apart from losing most of her hearing, she seemed really well and happy, as well as extremely energetic for a dog her age. Just last Wednesday she was running full speed around the marshes, seemingly fully fit and happy. On Thursday at around 4pm I noticed her panting heavily and shaking all over. It seemed to come on quite suddenly, and for no reason. My neighbour drove us to the vets (it's about a 45 minute drive away, and I am not a driver) where at first they were also mystified. Until, during the consultation, she suddenly started to show a pronounced limp. She was kept in overnight for fluids to prepare her kidneys, so that on Friday she could be sedated and Xrayed. The Xrays show severe degenerative bone disease in both her front legs, with joint mice in one elbow. She now on tramadol (can't have non-steroidal anti-inflammatories due to kidney disease) and I'm not to let her exercise at all - strictly only very short outings on the lead to toilet and I'm to keep even that to a minimum. We'll be seeing the vet again next Friday, to discuss options. He said there are really three options available - one being just continued pain medication and minimal exercise, one being that plus laser therapy, and lastly there is a surgical option (arthroscopy). I don't want to put her through surgery, so really I'm thinking laser therapy is most like, alongside pain meds. I'm devastated. Particularly thinking about how advanced he said it is, and that she must have been in pain but not showing it for so long, and also thinking she'll never be allowed to run free again. She cried a bit this morning when she woke up, but I gave her the tramadol with her breakfast and she hasn't seemed to be in any pain since, just sleeping a lot. I don't really know what I am asking here, even, I'm so sad I just can't think straight at all. I know nobody can predict the future for me, and nobody can make the decisions for me either. I'm gutted that there is no more local vets I could take her to, because I think the journeys in themselves are stressful for her. I don't know whether to put her through multiple trips to the vets for the laser therapy, and I don't know what her quality of life can be without being able to exercise. I live alone with her, and can't even have visitors come and give her cuddles due to the virus etc. If anyone has been through anything similar, and/or has words of advice, or comfort, I would really welcome them right now. I feel very overwhelmed and scared I'm not going to be able to cope. I don't know if I trust myself to make decisions for her and don't know how I'll know what the right decision is. I feel very alone with it all right now. I have ordered some Yumove for her, which is supposed to help with joints (glucosamine etc), and I will give her that from now on, but of course I'm kicking myself for not having given her that earlier in her life.