Someone help me out - which puppy breed!?

Sorry if this offends but you seem very focused on what you want from the dog and not too much on what you can give it. If I were a breeder I would not let a puppy go to any home where it isn't guaranteed a walk EVERY day. Rescues will have the same attitude and when I homecheck this is one of the first questions I'd ask. You could well find you are not meeting the law with regard to the animal welfare act in this- which I suggest you research very thoroughly before you bother about which breed if any. A dog is not a toy to be used and put away- nor a burglar alarm.

 

I'm sorry to be blunt but I really don't think your idea of a dog matches with the reality. You want it to be a family dog, but ”act appropriately” if a family member is ”threatened” (what does that even mean?). I think in that respect you need to get some legal advice - even putting a 'Beware of the Dog' sign on a gate is fraught with legal implications as it suggests a dog *might* present a risk. So having a dog that you expect to ”act accordingly” could put you on the wrong side of the Dangerous Dogs Act.

Further, if someone was on your property, they could fairly easily incapacitate a dog (assuming the dog wasn't in hiding). Prevention is better than cure, buy a good burglar alarm and a safe for your gold.

There are guard dogs of course but they need a lot of training from people who have a lot of experience. Reading and taking advice from friends is not enough. You wouldn't expect to be able to drive a high performance car without any driving lessons, no matter how many times you have watched other people driving and how clearly you understand how the steering and acceleration work.

I'm afraid that is simply not the case, and again highlights that your expectations are a little unrealistic. There are many dogs that are simply not handler focussed, some have been bred over millennia to be highly independent.

I'm not suggesting you shouldn't get a dog, but the guard dog / pet for a new owner that you are looking for isn't realistic.

 

Actually, this just jumped out at me too -

You said you are under 18. In the next few years, you are going to be going into either further education or work, probably moving away from home, getting into relationships, maybe children. So do you leave the dog in the family home with people you had to ”persuade” to get him? Or you take him - what happens when you are at work all day?

Your life is at a pivotal point, you want a puppy now but thinking of the next 10 to 12 years, how do you foresee it working out?

 

I would not recommend any mastiffs for a first timer, but looking at your wish list....many small breeds would tick that list. Don't think that the size is all that matters...many small breeds are just 'big dogs in a small body' and they can be mighty keen to raise alarm when somebody comes around.
But even they are small and may seem there is 'less to handle'...don't let that fool you, they still need the same training as the larger breeds though as regarding physical exercise, some don't need 'hours' for it, just regular daily walks...more of 'little and often' basis.
But what ever breed you eventually settle....puppies will take HUGE amount of effort to get them their adulthood with appropriate skills to live and behave amongst humans.
And as for the rescues....they can be bit easier as first timer, but even then...they can take months to settle and learn their way in the new household....and there will be toilet accidents too until they feel totally settled and safe with you.
I'm not trying to put you off, but it is better to hear some harsh possibilities of what to expect and may happen. There is just no guarantees with dogs...pups or 'second hand'....it is always a leap into unknown and then you have to try to mould the dog into your liking, but also you and your family will have to adjust A LOT too. It is same situation if you would have another human joining into your household....you all have to make it work together, not just the new human visitor.

 

Half the dogs in rescue are from homes where the child/ stay at home mum/elderly parent thought a dog would be a nice idea. Then life changed (!) often after only a few months or a year and it was up to the rescue to pick up the pieces.

 

The advice I would give you is this.... be very careful or you could have a ticking time bomb on your hands,which may go off when you least expect it.