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GENERAL APPEARANCE
The Irish Wolfhound is the largest and tallest of the galloping hounds, combining power and swiftness - in other words he can steal from great heights, and just when it starts bucketing down, he will spot a hare (or anything else that moves - like a paper bag!), and no amount of screaming will bring him back until you are thoroughly soaked to the skin. On returning to his beloved owner he will use his great strength and speed to flatten you into the mud whilst licking your face ecstatically.
HEAD AND SKULL
Long enough to snout in the mud and broad enough to raise your elbow when you have a full cup of coffee in your hand.
Pigment should be dark, but paint, mud and caked on food is permissible.
EYES
Frequently closed, but when open can spot food from a great distance.
EARS
Totally deaf to commands - but try unwrapping foil-covered food!
Ears may also be covered in mud, butter, and anything disgusting that can be rolled in.
BITE
Strong enough to turn chair legs into filigree, carpets into Nottingham Lace, and render brooms, brushes etc., to matchwood.
NECK
Long and muscular - giving hound the capability of nicking anything from a great height.
FOREQUARTERS
Strong and muscular - all the better for digging craters, up-rooting roses and young trees, also enables hound to dig up recently buried Hamster/Chicken/ Cat to be put aside for a later snack.
BODY
Back - long enough to completely obscure the television. Chest -deep enough to lie in aforementioned crater.
HINDQUARTERS
Very powerful, enabling hound to "pop" over the recently constructed fence (a second mortgage may be required here to build a fence of Colditz proportions) . Young hounds like to try out their strength by flattening Grandma as she walks through the door.
FEET
Moderately large and frequently all four in the air or up the newly painted wall. Must be large enough to carry vast quantities of mud to be distributed through the house. Nails - long and strong
enough to necessitate plastic surgery on arms and legs when demanding attention.
MOVEMENT
Virtually non-existent when answering a command. Like grease lightening when next-doors cat appears in the garden, or food is on the table.
TAIL
Very long and slightly curved - must be carried over the back in the ring. At home, must wag violently to knock off ornaments and whack kids around the face.
COAT
Rough and full of mud, twigs, sticky burs and other noxious substances, especially immediately before departure to a show at 5 a.m.
COLOUR
Usually dirty brown (especially on white bits), it is not acceptable for the natural colour to be visible, but paint of any colour is acceptable.
WEIGHT AND SIZE
Normally very thin or very fat, only ever correct when the show season ends. Far too big to fit in the family car, thus requiring a third mortgage to purchase a Transit or similar.
The Irish Wolfhound is the largest and tallest of the galloping hounds, combining power and swiftness - in other words he can steal from great heights, and just when it starts bucketing down, he will spot a hare (or anything else that moves - like a paper bag!), and no amount of screaming will bring him back until you are thoroughly soaked to the skin. On returning to his beloved owner he will use his great strength and speed to flatten you into the mud whilst licking your face ecstatically.
HEAD AND SKULL
Long enough to snout in the mud and broad enough to raise your elbow when you have a full cup of coffee in your hand.
Pigment should be dark, but paint, mud and caked on food is permissible.
EYES
Frequently closed, but when open can spot food from a great distance.
EARS
Totally deaf to commands - but try unwrapping foil-covered food!
Ears may also be covered in mud, butter, and anything disgusting that can be rolled in.
BITE
Strong enough to turn chair legs into filigree, carpets into Nottingham Lace, and render brooms, brushes etc., to matchwood.
NECK
Long and muscular - giving hound the capability of nicking anything from a great height.
FOREQUARTERS
Strong and muscular - all the better for digging craters, up-rooting roses and young trees, also enables hound to dig up recently buried Hamster/Chicken/ Cat to be put aside for a later snack.
BODY
Back - long enough to completely obscure the television. Chest -deep enough to lie in aforementioned crater.
HINDQUARTERS
Very powerful, enabling hound to "pop" over the recently constructed fence (a second mortgage may be required here to build a fence of Colditz proportions) . Young hounds like to try out their strength by flattening Grandma as she walks through the door.
FEET
Moderately large and frequently all four in the air or up the newly painted wall. Must be large enough to carry vast quantities of mud to be distributed through the house. Nails - long and strong
enough to necessitate plastic surgery on arms and legs when demanding attention.
MOVEMENT
Virtually non-existent when answering a command. Like grease lightening when next-doors cat appears in the garden, or food is on the table.
TAIL
Very long and slightly curved - must be carried over the back in the ring. At home, must wag violently to knock off ornaments and whack kids around the face.
COAT
Rough and full of mud, twigs, sticky burs and other noxious substances, especially immediately before departure to a show at 5 a.m.
COLOUR
Usually dirty brown (especially on white bits), it is not acceptable for the natural colour to be visible, but paint of any colour is acceptable.
WEIGHT AND SIZE
Normally very thin or very fat, only ever correct when the show season ends. Far too big to fit in the family car, thus requiring a third mortgage to purchase a Transit or similar.
