Constant guilty feeling about dog

[k8t.create]

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Hello everyone, I'm new to the forum and came on to get some advise.

Basically, my dogs been taking over my life, and my thoughts. To make a long story short I have a 21/2 year old german shorthaired pointer male. I am self employed and work from home, so he is always with me. Until a few weeks ago I have spoilt him with everything. He has been sleeping in my bed, gets on the couch, has full access to all areas of the house. He basically follows me everywhere and when I leave the house has a bit of separation anxiety. It was getting to the point where he could not settle, whining when I was trying to work at my computer, probably because he wanted me to sit with him. I couldn't go out without having to get back because I'd feel so guilty that I'd left him on his own. One night I put on his lead and he dragged me out the door and I nearly broke my neck. I finally broke down, and realised I couldn't live a normal life, my relationship with my dog was incredibly unhealthy. It was affecting my work, my social life and when I finally broke down, my health!

So, I decided I had enough. These last couple of weeks I've put so much effort into training. I started walking him and teaching him not to pull on the lead, which I'd say has improved significantly. I have banned him from my bedroom, he has his own bed believe it or not so I don't want him sleeping with me. Now I can get a good nights sleep for a change, I suffer from asthma and it's already improved. I just bought a new sofa so I want let him on it, inside I ask him to go on a lovely heated bed for him that I just bought so he can sit in the front room with me.

Regardless of all this I feel guilty, constantly and worry that I'm not giving him a good life. I take him out to the park of a morning where he gets about 40-50minutes of good exercise, he runs not stop for the majority of this time. Then I take him on a lead walk midday, then at night take him on a run on the lead for about thirty minutes.

I want to know, am I neglecting his exercise needs? I don't think I can devote anymore time out of my day because I have to work.

And finally, I cannot settle when I leave him in the house alone because he constantly gets by the front door and has found a way to get on my bed (when the door is locked). I am getting a gate put on a door to confine him to the back room which is a fair size and the kitchen for when I am out. I guess I am asking for reassurance that this is ok to do?

Does anyone feel this guilt and how the hell do I adopt the philosophy that he is just a dog!!

Many thanks

Kate

 

[eingana]

Hi Kate, and welcome to DogForum

I think that many people who post on pet forums all over the world will understand your guilt and your worry. We've only ever left Molly overnight for one weekend, and although she was left with a trusted friend who she gets on with really well, it was such a disaster that I can't imagine that we will do it again in her lifetime. It is natural for your dog to want to be with you all of the time, since he's a pack animal, but it's better for him emotionally if he can be alone for a while without it being the end of the world and he can amuse himself.

I think that you're giving him plenty of exercise and you're meeting his emotional needs to the very best of your ability. I think that the only way that I could think to improve things would be to teach him to not need to be quite as close to you 24/7. If you could teach him to be happy by himself for a while then he'd be much more chilled, but then at 2 and a half years old he's not that likely to be chilled much of the time anyway.

Dogs don't naturally know how to be alone- it's a skill that they learn as they grow and as we teach them. You start off simply by one day, after a walk so you know he doesn't need the loo, just leave the room for 30 seconds and then walk back in. Repeat a lot, increase the time to a minute, then two, then walk outside the house and shut the door for 30 seconds, then increase that time gradually.

Don't make a fuss of him before you leave or after you come back, as that will make the leaving and return into something bigger in his mind. You need it to be commonplace for him to see you go and see you return.

When you're past 5 minutes and he's calm, you can start increasing the time a lot more, from 5 to 10, to 20 minutes, to half an hour, and if he now understands that when you leave you will also return then he should be a chilled boy when you're not there. He will either be sleeping or entertaining himself with a toy or a chew. If he starts getting distressed or barking while you're not in the house then you wait for a period of quiet before you go back in, and again, don't make a big fuss of him.

From experience with nervous dogs I can tell you that amongst the things that can make dogs feel less stressed when learning to be left alone are:

a) being crate trained and having a den inside his crate with a cover over the top and, if he likes it, a voice radio station left on low

b) high value toys (that's how much value he places on it, not what it cost) which he only gets when he's being left alone, so he starts to associate something really lovely with being left

c) if he's not being crate trained, then access only to a small room, ideally one which doesn't have a window through which he can see whether you're leaving or arriving. Small spaces are comforting to nervous animals.

d) having the doors/gates that restrain him being good and firm, so that he knows that there's no point in trying to force his way around or through them. He is in the space he is in, and you've already taught him that you will be coming back when you leave, so it's fine to just relax or amuse himself where he is.

The philosophy that he's just a dog will come along with you knowing that he's fine being left for an hour or two and his world won't end when you're not there, because once that's happening and you can leave him for a bit, you are quite likely to get a bit of a social life and meet up with other members of the human race and have fun with them

I hope that if you put the work in to getting him used to being left, you see him becoming calmer with being left soon, and that helps you to make the small steps that will take you towards having a life outside of the canine world

 

[k8t.create]

Hi Eingana,

Thanks so much for your reply. You have pointed out some really helpful tips and I will be sure to take them all on board. I really like the tip regarding the high value toy only when I am out. Thank you for a goal to work towards!

I will keep in touch with any progress.

Many thanks

Kate

 

[fetchdoggy]

Hi Kate,

There was some very good info in the first post and I hope you will find the solution. Have you considered a dog walker in your area or even something like the borrow my dog website, where other dog lovers can help you out?

Best wishes

Jo

 

[k8t.create]

Hi Jo!

Thanks for your post. I had a dog walker and then didn't, but to be honest it's not a bad idea to maybe restart that again for a little respite. Will keep you posted on any progress and nice to hear your response

Kate