Dealing with a bossy puppy

[kriswithak]

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Hi, I recently got an Alsatian x Lab puppy. She is just over 8 weeks old and has moved in to my home with myself, my partner, and our cat (2 and a half years old.)

So far, things are going okay. She is settling in and responding to basic commands like sit and come. (When she wants to.) She is fairly calm around the cat though does sometimes get excited and try to get him to play with her. He is very nervous with her and is still figuring her out. Her bouts of excitement feel like they could be setbacks to their bonding as the cat gets more nervous with her excitement.

We have cordoned off the bedroom so this is the only room she can access without us letting her out. This has been going pretty well, the cat can come and go through the flap in the baby gate at will, but she cannot. The bedroom has her crate and lots of toys which we have using to play with her between naps.

One thing I have noticed is she seems more determined than any puppy I’ve ever had to challenge us. When she is being told no to a behaviour (usually chewing the wrong thing,) she can get very stroppy and starts barking. We typically respond by saying no, and then ignoring her until she calms down and offering praise for calming down which does work fairly well but she’s at her worse when we eat. It seems to me she thinks that she is the boss. Today she has started whining whenever she is coming in from outside (where she loves) - it seems to me she is demanding to be allowed into the rest of the house but neither she nor the cat are ready for that. Interested to know how long before people would tend to open the house up a little more to the puppy and how to best deal with them crying to explore the rest of the house.

I would really like to hear other people’s thoughts and see if I am going about dealing with her bossiness the right way and/or if anyone has any advice on how to deal with these issues.

For extra context we have only had her 9 days, it may well be that I am just expecting too much too soon and need to be patient. Both my partner and me really want to help raise a happy, obedient, well mannered dog but it is our first time (though we have had dogs as children,) and want to do it properly.

Appreciate I’ve rambled. Any advice/support is welcomed.

 

[Hemlock]

Puppies are hard work, much more so than human babies, but over a shorter period. You have my empathy here! The following thoughts are NOT criticisms but observations that should help you.

She is a baby. A baby dog. So she has dog instincts, dog needs and dog communication skills that are as yet undeveloped. So with puppies and grown dogs, we are the only ones who can change our mindset.

She is not trying to boss you. She doesn't speak human language and has no idea why you say "No" or what it means. She only observes that when you say it you look cross and stop her doing something that was nice to do. She is trying to tell you what she wants and what she needs (two different things but in her mind of equal importance). She does not yet have the mental development to manage being ignored.

We as humans are naturally horribly negative. We "tell" animals what we don't want, but are very bad at finishing the conversation by showing them what we DO want. Of course, what they want to do does not always fit in with human lives, so we can't allow it, but in most situations we can meet them halfway. Provide lots and lots of "right" things to chew, for instance, and ensure everything that you don't want chewed is put away or screened from her, just as you would with a crawling human baby. All she knows is that she MUST chew RIGHT NOW because her jaws and part-developed teeth need that. She has no comprehension of what you don't want her to chew, so make sure she has no access, while fulfilling that need with suitable items.

So - is what your pup is asking for reasonable? Possible? Do-able? Can you change the subject e.g. "Don't do that - do this"?

We have a list of reading that will help - do have a look through it - and others will reply to your post with lots of useful info. I am trying not to overwhelm you with too much all in one go! Do ask anything any time.

 

[JoanneF]

Yes, I think your expectations are a little high.

Thinking of her as bossy and telling her 'no' isn't really helpful, try to think of it like this.

Imagine you are learning to drive. Every now and then, your instructor sternly says Dame!

You would be puzzled. Even if you stopped or interrupted what you were doing, you wouldn't know what you were doing wrong - driving too fast, not using your mirrors, turning left instead of right, going the wrong way down a one way street, in the wrong gear, too close to the car in front etc etc.

And "dame" is a Japanese word for no by the way, but essentially English is just as foreign a language to your puppy as Japanese is to you.

Can you see how it is exactly like that for your puppy? Frustrating for him as well as for you.

A 'no' is at best an interruptor but importantly it doesn't tell your puppy what she has done wrong, and what you want her to do instead.

So when she is doing something you don't want, try to redirect her on to something else. We have some helpful pages here, maybe have a look through and see if there's anything that resonates - Thread 'Useful Links & Recommended Reading' Useful Links & Recommended Reading

But do come back with any questions.

And - @Hemlock replied as I was near the end of typing this!