Finding it hard to get over the death of a dog

[samismithxx]

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Hi everyone,

Not really sure what I need from posting this, advice, words of encouragement. I’m posting because I feel like I need to get this off my chest and maybe someone else out there is feeling like me or has experienced this in the past.

We rescued a bulldog November 2019 after we’d seen her advertised online needing a good home, she was 6, overbred and living with 6 other dogs. We immediately brought her home and she was amazing, I think she was just happy to have a lovely home and constant attention just for her. We had taken her to the vet for a check up and the vets told us in general she was pretty healthy. We had 9 amazing months with our girl before we had to have her put to sleep. The day she died was such a shock, she had been fine all day and then an hour before we went to bed she started to dry heave and fit, within the hour we sadly had to have her put the sleep.

My partner and I were heartbroken, I had been made redundant in March and my partner was at work all day so my little companion that I had got so dependant on was gone.

We talked about getting another dog as we needed something to fill the hole in our lives. 6 weeks later we went to see a litter of Boston Terriers. We had done loads of research and they seemed the breed that come out on top for temperament, health and generally great dogs.

We chose our boy and picked him up at the start of November. He was amazing and was absolutely the right decision to make however, we have had a few problems health wise with him, blood in his poo the first day we got him home, which lasted for a few weeks with countless changes in diet and then getting his eye cut open by a cat and jumping off a chair and banging his head against a concrete floor.

Since loosing our bulldog and then getting our Boston, I feel like I am constantly worrying about him. Everything he does makes me anxious. If he sleeps too much I worry, if he doesn’t eat I worry it’s horrendous.

I feel like I haven’t got over the trauma of losing out Bully and it’s ruining enjoying the puppy. I constantly feel like the dog will get taken ill and have to be put down like our Bulldog. Everyone around me says that I’m being silly but I just cannot shake it.

Has anyone ever experienced this? I know you can’t control the what’s going to happen and generally in life I’m very laid back but this is just something I can’t get over x

 

[JoanneF]

I'm sorry for your loss, and I think what you are feeling now is very understandable. I'd like to say give it time and I'm sure it will be fine but that sounds shallow and insensitive. I don't think people who have never lost a pet fully understand the depth of the bond.

Do you think it might help to talk to a pet bereavement counsellor?

Pet bereavement and pet loss

 

[samismithxx]

Hi,

Thank you for responding. A pet bereavement counsellor is definitely something I’ve thought about but then I push it away again but I do think it will help.

Everyone has said give it time which I know will help but it’s just a horrible feeling so have constantly :-( x

 

[JudyN]

I'm so sorry for your loss, and how you're feeling. Please don't think you're silly, because you're not, and no one can predict how grief will affect someone. I agree with JoanneF that it would be sensible to talk to a professional counsellor. I hope you're able to enjoy your new pup to the full very soon xx

 

[samismithxx]

Thank you so much that’s very kind. I think I will look into speaking to someone. Have a lovely weekend xx

 

[merlina]

So sorry. Nothing prepares you for the pain of losing a much-loved dog, so of course you will be anxious. It's part of grief. We all have fears for our dogs so do talk about it- and therapy can help. But dogs seem to bring out the nurturing impulse even in people who don't think they have it and the stronger the love the stronger the impulse. But better than never feeling anything, huh?

 

[Hemlock]

It's always desperately hard, and there's no rushing it.
Puppies are hard work too. Be gentle with yourself. Counselling is a good idea, and I would suggest stick with the pet bereavement specialists because they know what you are going through, and others may not.

 

[Flobo]

So sorry for your loss... it is heartbreaking and you have the added shock of her passing being so sudden with no inkling that you were going to lose her, it's devastating even when we know the time is approaching either through illness or old age.. A lot to come to terms with, please do talk to someone if you can, and know you are not alone in what you are feeling, probably everyone of us here has felt similar at one time or another through our losses. It does get easier in time, remembering the love you shared will make you smile and the pain will ease...and hopefully your over worry for your new boy will also become less and he will inevitably be able to make your heart smile again.

 

[Hal]

Hi,
Really sorry to hear about your loss. Your worry is totally understandable, but it sounds like your grief about your last dog and your worries for your puppy are getting mixed together. A good CBT counsellor would be able to help you talk through your worries and your grief. There is nothing 'silly' about what you are feeling, but it sounds as if it is weighing you down and getting in the way of you enjoying your new companion. Some 'counsellors' are better than others (try and avoid one who just sits and nods at you - not always very helpful) but anyone who does CBT should be able to offer practical support and help. Hope you are feeling better about it all soon. Take care of yourself.