Goodbye Jasper

[Flobo]

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I think it is also a gentle reminder that, although it is hard, when grieving we need to be kind to ourselves...
I always found a candle lit bath, bubbles and nice music(and a large glass of something) helped ease the physical and let the tears flow with ease, with no worries...I don't think it's a bad thing to take time out and just be incredibly sad...

 

[Hemlock]

Thank you, JudyN - as I always think: I can "say" but you had to "do". And you rose to the occasions magnificently.

It's the same with the unique type of grief we undergo when a beloved animal dies. It's a unique type of love, which is why. Take all the time you need, pamper yourself in as many ways as you can, as Flobo says, never feel bad about feeling bad or feel you have to put on the motley for the sake of other people. Look after yourself.

 

[JudyN]

Absolutely, Flobo - Mr N and I were saying earlier that we need to be kind to ourselves right now. I'm quite surprised I haven't cried in the bath... yet, anyway.

I was saying to someone online this morning that I will never, ever be able to listen to Nothing Compares 2 U again:

Since you been gone, I can do whatever I want
I can see whomever I choose
I can eat my dinner in a fancy restaurant
But nothing
I said nothing can take away these blues
'Cause nothing compares
Nothing compares to you

Of course, reading these lyrics set me off again... but it was a lot less painful, there was almost a 'happy memories' type feeling. I'm planning to do some gardening now. Will I need my hanky? Maybe, maybe not, either is fine. But if I find any more dog poos hidden in the undergrowth, they can stay, decompose, and become part of the garden

 

[Flobo]

Eek! You got me with that one, I love that song, right where's my tissues!!

 

[Suzette]

I am so sorry to hear this. But you did the most loving thing you could for him right to the end. You are in my thoughts and prayers. Take care.

 

[Ari_RR]

Oh, no…. We have been following J for so many years. Very sad. Trying times…. Hugs.

 

[JudyN]

Just when I thought the worst of the pain was over.... the vet just rang to say that they had Jasper's ashes. I said I'd come and pick them up sometime, started getting ready, but... I just can't do it :-( Mr N is going to collect them at lunchtime, because he's less likely to dissolve in a heap. I can take J's ashes down the garden and have a good blart, but really don't want to do that in the vet's waiting room. He's now feeling guilty because it was him who wanted the ashes.

We're planning on sprinkling the ashes on Upton Heath, with DS2 & DIL and a bottle of fizz. That's going to be difficult too, but it's OK if we all end up leaking.

 

[JoanneF]

Have you thought of keeping some and having them made into a memento?

 

[JudyN]

I have, but I think if I wanted something like that, I'd rather use the hair that Mr N rescued from his brush, worried I might clean it - there would be more 'actual Jasper' in it. I could put some in a locket, but I'm not really a locket sort of person. I also thought of a tattoo, but I probably won't - I'm not good with pain!

We have his collar, and Mr N also insisted on keeping his purple muzzle, which was J's favourite... we might also choose a photo of him and get it framed.

 

[RGC]

Whatever you chaps do take our thoughts.

 

[Hemlock]

I've kept every collar (mine only have one once grown-up). It doesn't take up much room, and is so very 'them'.

You could plant a rose or a shrub in his memory. This does help.

 

[Tinytom]

We were going to take our 3s ashes to the woods but we decided to sprinkle them in the garden ...we also had photos put on canvas of them

 

[Tinytom]

You have to do what helps you Judy ...we are all so different xxxx

 

[JudyN]

Absolutely, there's no right way. Neither of us were sure we could handle seeing the canister in the house, so it's out in the garage/utility room. Which may seem harsh, but it's where we put food we didn't want him to get, so he always wanted to go in there and was never allowed!

He's actually sitting on Mr R's motorbike, so he can dream of going faster than ever now...

The canister is quite pretty, so once it's emptied - or nearly emptied - we might keep his collar in it (and the muzzle too if it will fit) and then put that somewhere we can see it.

 

[Flobo]

Can I just say thank you @JudyN for continuing to share your journey here, it is undoubtably an incredible difficult time and an incredibly difficult and sensitive subject to talk about and share... but very needed all the same...
Yes we all experience grief differently but the one thing we do all have in common is the tremendous love we share with our 4 legged friends and the tremendous pain we feel when we lose them. Thank you for giving us the opportunity to share also...
I feel yours and Jaspers journey will live on and continue to help others for many years to come for sure!

 

[JudyN]

Thank you so much Flobo I have thought that this thread might help others in the future, though suspect that I'm just using it as an excuse to talk about how I'm feeling. Most of the time I'm fine, and can really appreciate all the things I can do now that I couldn't before.

I've learnt that grief is so very, very individual, and however it affects you, that's OK, you don't need to set any expectations.

 

[JudyN]

Jasper was like Mary Poppins... bear with me on this...

He blew into our lives, and turned them upside down. He taught us so much - everything I know about dog behaviour and training, how there is no such thing as a bad dog, just a dog with inconvenient coping strategies. Before he came, I thought that my fibromyalgia meant that I wasn't up to a lot of walking but, hey, he was supposed to be my son's, and someone told me that lurchers just need a couple of half-hour strolls a day... By gradually increasing the length of his walks, I discovered that I could actually walk for miles, up hill and down dale (but mostly uphill!). He showed me the beauty of the open spaces pretty much on our doorstep, and taught me that mud doesn't matter, that rain doesn't stop you going out for a walk, and that it's OK to sleep in gritty sheets when he's 'remade' the bed. He's taught me about patience, and that I have the strength to keep going when things are tough. He made me appreciate even more just how wonderful Mr N is - he didn't really want a dog, and was assured he'd never have to walk it, or pick up poos... He walked J most weekends to give me a break when he was really challenging, he gave him a long walk before work every day when I had knee problems, and he never, ever moaned or complained, or suggested maybe we should give up, even when he got a bad bite after an argument over a bread roll in a plastic bag.

Through him, I have made some great friends, both online and offline. I am healthier than I have been for decades and, I confess, I can really appreciate the luxury of being able to do what I want, when I want.

Most of all, of course, he taught me about love. Unconditional love, I guess.

And then, when the time was right, he blew out of our lives, having shown us how to live. His job was done, and he couldn't have done it any better. In time, I want to think of him not with sadness, but as a joy who was with us for many years, and who changed our lives for the better in every way.

 

[Ari_RR]

Love this, beautifully said…

 

[Hemlock]

That is so beautiful, JudyN.

 

[Flobo]

Ok, pass the tissues ... again...!