Goodbye Jasper

[JudyN]

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What's on the ground floor of John Lewis, RGC? I'm sure I'll need somewhere to park him at some point.

 

[RGC]

What's on the ground floor of John Lewis, RGC? I'm sure I'll need somewhere to park him at some point.

It’s the techno stuff - video, audio, computers. Boys’ toys. First floor it’s cookware. What fun.

 

[JudyN]

Be careful what you wish for....

I told Mr N that if he couldn't think of somewhere to go this weekend that he'd enjoy I'd take him shoe shopping with me...

... so we're going to a motorbike showroom

 

[RGC]

Be careful what you wish for....

I told Mr N that if he couldn't think of somewhere to go this weekend that he'd enjoy I'd take him shoe shopping with me...

... so we're going to a motorbike showroom

May you be thrice blessed.

 

[Crazy Dog Man]

I think it is also a gentle reminder that, although it is hard, when grieving we need to be kind to ourselves...
I always found a candle lit bath, bubbles and nice music(and a large glass of something) helped ease the physical and let the tears flow with ease, with no worries...I don't think it's a bad thing to take time out and just be incredibly sad...

Absolutely! Our four legged angels wouldn't want us to be miserable, they would want us all to stay strong and keep going which is why I only hang onto the happiest memories of Lady and just remember all the unconditional love she gave me

I stay strong for her and now for Rocco too.

 

[Crazy Dog Man]

Jasper was like Mary Poppins... bear with me on this...

He blew into our lives, and turned them upside down. He taught us so much - everything I know about dog behaviour and training, how there is no such thing as a bad dog, just a dog with inconvenient coping strategies. Before he came, I thought that my fibromyalgia meant that I wasn't up to a lot of walking but, hey, he was supposed to be my son's, and someone told me that lurchers just need a couple of half-hour strolls a day... By gradually increasing the length of his walks, I discovered that I could actually walk for miles, up hill and down dale (but mostly uphill!). He showed me the beauty of the open spaces pretty much on our doorstep, and taught me that mud doesn't matter, that rain doesn't stop you going out for a walk, and that it's OK to sleep in gritty sheets when he's 'remade' the bed. He's taught me about patience, and that I have the strength to keep going when things are tough. He made me appreciate even more just how wonderful Mr N is - he didn't really want a dog, and was assured he'd never have to walk it, or pick up poos... He walked J most weekends to give me a break when he was really challenging, he gave him a long walk before work every day when I had knee problems, and he never, ever moaned or complained, or suggested maybe we should give up, even when he got a bad bite after an argument over a bread roll in a plastic bag.

Through him, I have made some great friends, both online and offline. I am healthier than I have been for decades and, I confess, I can really appreciate the luxury of being able to do what I want, when I want.

Most of all, of course, he taught me about love. Unconditional love, I guess.

And then, when the time was right, he blew out of our lives, having shown us how to live. His job was done, and he couldn't have done it any better. In time, I want to think of him not with sadness, but as a joy who was with us for many years, and who changed our lives for the better in every way.

I have CFS/ME which is a lot like Fibromyalgia so I can relate to that. When I was 13 years old, my mother and birth father separated and got divorced and at that same year a family member passed away and I was getting badly bullied at school so I developed really bad depression and then sometime at around 18 years old, I think I got a viral infection and since then I was never the same ever again. My doctor told me that I ended up with CFS/ME as it can be brought on by traumatic events and viral infections. Like Fibro though, it's a neurological illness and it cannot be cured, however it can be well managed so I use meditation/yoga, the love of Rocco, my wife and my family as well as gym work to help me stay active and to help manage my symptoms.

Lady was a big help to me with my CFS/ME, even though she was overweight she loved her walks and was very active and I enjoyed walking her. Same with Rocco, for a 4 year old, he is just so full of energy and me and he loves his walks so I go with him on his walks and it really helps me with my mental and physical well-being.

Jasper sounds like everyone's dream dog, inspiring, full of life, gentle, sweet and loyal. We all need a dog like Jasper!

 

[Crazy Dog Man]

We scattered Jasper's ashes last week at the heath, and oh boy did I find it hard. I couldn't sprinkle them round the pond - he loved to cool off in it, but wouldn't go out of his depth, and rather irrationally, I think I was worried about the ashes drifting out to the middle....

I sat on the far side of the pond, back to the others, rubbing his ashes into my hands as if I could absorb him. After a while my son came and sat down by me, saying nothing, just being there. After a few minutes he asked if he should go, saying that he was useless at this sort of thing, never knowing what to say. But what he had done - just being there with me - was perfect. So if you ever want to comfort someone but not know what to say - it doesn't matter, please, just be there with them.

I was then able to sprinkle some ashes in the old sand/clay pits, where he'd had some wonderful zoomies in his younger days.

Something else I wasn't expecting - we had a terrific storm on Saturday night, which shook the house. I should have been glad that Jasper didn't have to suffer through it, but all I could think about was how scared he would have been, which upset me. It was never easy to reassure him when there were storms in the night as he really didn't appreciate being touched while he was on his bed.

I'm sure we'll have many more moments like these. Mr N and I can go on walks with other people, or together, and we're fine. If we go out separately on our own but have a distraction (he'll take his litter picker, I'll take my camera) we're fine. But if we 'just go for a walk', the thoughts creep back in...

Overall, though, we're fine. And it is lovely to be able to do things we couldn't before. We went to a Jubilee garden party on Saturday and were there for 7 hours. We even survived several of our neighbours asking how he was doing... Despite that, twice I looked at my watch wondering if we needed to get back because we'd left him too long....

There is absolutely no 'right way' to do this. For anyone going through similar, just accept the process and go with it. I believe the body does a fine balance of blocking out feelings you're not ready to deal with, and letting them creep in when you have a few more reserves. But like intensive physiotherapy on an injured joint, there will be times when it ruddy well hurts.

Have you thought about getting a concrete dog statue as a memorial for your back garden at all? I got one for Lady in my garden to honour her memory, it may be a good idea or you can get a ceramic dog ornament as another tribute that you can keep in your lounge.

Saying goodbye is always the hardest part but now you've done it, you can finally feel free and value the happiest memories of Jasper.

Once again, I am always here for you if you need a friendly ear

 

[JudyN]

Jasper sounds like everyone's dream dog, inspiring, full of life, gentle, sweet and loyal. We all need a dog like Jasper!

Haha, you've missed the bits where he was more the dog of your nightmares But I had so much help in the early days that I was able to manage all his 'little foibles' and accept him for who he was

I'm sorry you have ME/CFS. My older son has it too - he developed it when he was 17 and had a bad dose of flu. I do wonder if there's a genetic link that predisposes us to ME or fibro.

Funnily enough, Mr N and I had talked about getting a statue of a dog for the garden and I was thinking about it just yesterday - there's a metal bench at the end of the garden where I sit occasionally to think about J, and it would be lovely to have one there (as long as I didn't cry every time I saw it...). It's just a case of finding the right statue - must look vaguely like him, and not the sort of thing you could buy in any garden centre but, ideally, something reclaimed. Mind you, this has something of Jasper's look about it: https://www.pinterest.co.uk/pin/10344274130193458/

 

[Flobo]

I like that statue...

 

[RGC]

 

[Hemlock]

Very gentle and graceful until you look at the hindleg. Which would drive me nuts every time I saw it.

 

[RGC]

Very gentle and graceful until you look at the hindleg. Which would drive me nuts every time I saw it.

We like it as it captures the essence of a whippet we had - we go for subtlety and understatement. On a pragmatic note it can always be turned around.

 

[Hemlock]

The important thing is that is pleases you. It doesn't have to please anyone else.

 

[RGC]

The important thing is that is pleases you. It doesn't have to please anyone else.

Verdad.

 

[Lucy Howard]

@Judy, my heart goes out to you. I am so sorry for your loss

 

[arealhuman]

Oh my goodness, I'm so very sorry to read this, and I'm also sorry that my condolences are so late. My apologies. I guessed something was amiss without the mails I get notifying me of updates to Jasper's Diary. I have tears welling up after reading the posts here, especially the first one. I hope you're both doing as well as can be expected, my best wishes to you both.

I'm bracing myself too as Jimmy is undergoing palliative care at the moment and I'm finding that very tough.

On a different note, I didn't know (or had forgotten) we shared another passion - motorbikes. That said, since the pandemic I fell out of love with them for some reason after about 35 years of riding and sold mine as I wasn't allowed to ride it!

Again, sincere condolences, I know Jasper will be missed lots both at home and by everyone here.

 

[JoanneF]

Sorry to hear about Jimmy @arealhuman

 

[JudyN]

Thank you arealhuman, and I'm so sorry Jimmy is in palliative care We're doing OK, really - and I do hope that this thread might at some point help someone going through the same thing.

There will always be 'moments', I'm sure. I had one on Saturday when we took my mum into Bristol for her cataract op - I sat in the back of the car and there's still a lot of dog hair there But I would still rather have the wonderful memories even if they do come with a degree of pain.

Mr N still doesn't ever want to have another pet he might get attached to. Maybe a stick insect then....

 

[arealhuman]

Thanks both, didn't mean to hijack this.

 

[Crazy Dog Man]

Haha, you've missed the bits where he was more the dog of your nightmares But I had so much help in the early days that I was able to manage all his 'little foibles' and accept him for who he was

I'm sorry you have ME/CFS. My older son has it too - he developed it when he was 17 and had a bad dose of flu. I do wonder if there's a genetic link that predisposes us to ME or fibro.

Funnily enough, Mr N and I had talked about getting a statue of a dog for the garden and I was thinking about it just yesterday - there's a metal bench at the end of the garden where I sit occasionally to think about J, and it would be lovely to have one there (as long as I didn't cry every time I saw it...). It's just a case of finding the right statue - must look vaguely like him, and not the sort of thing you could buy in any garden centre but, ideally, something reclaimed. Mind you, this has something of Jasper's look about it: https://www.pinterest.co.uk/pin/10344274130193458/

Oh I know that oh too well
Lady would always like to steal from people's plates, she would always drag her bum everywhere (even if her anal glands were OK and she was dewormed), she'd make awful farts and she'd bark at everything but she was a dog you'd never get tired of!

Rocco is like a male version of Lady although he never steals food from anyone, we've trained him to never pinch food and not to beg but he will definitely stare at you

Fibro and CFS/ME could be linked, there may be just a possibility, especially given the fact the symptoms are so similar. My grandmother has Fibromyalgia so I too wonder if CFS/ME and Fibro can be genetically linked or just linked in general

The statue looks lovely Definitely ideal for your garden as a memorial for Jasper!