Guilt after euthanasia

[Jordxox]

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Hello.

I'm really struggling with guilt after putting my dog down...

She was an English Springer Spaniel, 11 years old.

Back in June I noticed a lump on her nipple, she wasn't my dog but my mums, and I kept on to tell my mum to get it checked out. It was growing at such rate.
I booked her in for an appointment 2 months ago, my mum forgot to take her. I booked her in a week later, and she forgot again. Turned out after all of this my mum was just terrified of what the vets would say, but I had had enough and got in contact with one myself, I already knew it was bad and the vet confirmed it but couldn't treat her because of covid. I spent the next 3 days phoning vets, as she wasn't insured. I took her to another 2 vets because I just wouldn't to be sure and explore treatment options.

Both vets said its spread too far, there was no point in doing operations, scans or tests. She had these lumps everywhere, it had spread to her lymhnodes.

After this it seemed she went down hill dramatically. The tumours were growing day by day, her breathing had become shallow and sounded so harsh. All she did was pant too.

Then Sunday, she just couldn't walk on her back legs. She had just stopped, she couldn't even stand up to pee. She pooped in her own bed. But she was still so happy, still had a great appetite, still aware and wanted to play. Her body just said something else.

Thats when my dad made a phonecall behind my back on Monday, the vet said its time to put her down. I found out and tried to say its too soon, its only been one day since she couldn't walk etc, she was still sound of mind and happy, she didn't seem like a sick dog. No other options were explored, and I was told to shut up because my mum was devastated.

She was put down later on Monday afternoon.

But the guilt I feel is unreal. I can't stop thinking if only I just took her to vets instead of arguing with my mum. Or if only I fought for her on Monday. I feel like I've betrayed her, I'm so heartbroken by it.

I can't tell my mum this because it would be me telling her I don't think its right what she did, I'm just struggling with the guilt of it.

 

[Tinytom]

I think we all feel guilt when we have to make that awful decision but I think from what you have said your parents did the right thing ...dogs can be in real pain and not show it to us ...your mums dogs body was giving up ....
In time you will realise it was the best thing for the dog ....take comfort in knowing she had had a good life ....cherish all the good memories and be kind to yourself....I know it's easy for someone to sat that ....Sending you a virtual hug...
Take care xxxx

 

[excuseme]

It sounds as if your father made the right decision, and not a day too soon either.
It sounds as if the dog was in quiet a lot of discomfort, it is not fair to keep a dog alive with such terminal conditions just because you can!
I'm sure the right and kindest decision was made.
.

 

[Jordxox]

It sounds as if your father made the right decision, and not a day too soon either.
It sounds as if the dog was in quiet a lot of discomfort, it is not fair to keep a dog alive with such terminal conditions just because you can!
I'm sure the right and kindest decision was made.
.

I think i struggle because she didn't seem sick like I would expect. I read online that they lose interest, weight and appetite. She hadn't lost any of that, she still wanted to play, still ate like a horse, was still just so aware of everything. Nor did she seem in any kind of pain

 

[Tinytom]

Panting rapidly in a dog is a sign of pain ...

 

[Jordxox]

Panting rapidly in a dog is a sign of pain ...

I wasn't aware...It didn't help the vets saying she also seemed like a happy dog all things considered and they didn't think she was in pain either which was part of their argument for not treating her too :/

 

[Tinytom]

The tumours would eventually have suffocated her ...I would always let my dog go a month too early than a day too late when she may have been in distress ....

 

[Jordxox]

The tumours would eventually have suffocated her ...I would always let my dog go a month too early than a day too late when she may have been in distress ....

I suppose its comforting to hear, in a way. I thought they had euthanasised her too soon...but perhaps you're right. I see all these YouTube videos of dogs suffering, or becoming paralysed and they manage to pull through, through adapting but I know you can't do that with cancer.

 

[Tinytom]

Yes cancer is so cruel and our dogs cant tell us what they are feeling we have to make that call ...
I always take comfort that our dogs go to Rainbow bridge xx

 

[JudyN]

Dogs can be good at hiding pain, and it may be that she was suffering even if she seemed happy. It is really is better to let a dog go a day too early than a day too late. Quality of life is far more important than quantity for a dog, but choosing the 'right' day is never an exact science.

I hope we have reassured you that the best decision was made for your dog. If you do still struggle with your guilt or grief, though, the Blue Cross has a Bereavement Support Service: Pet bereavement and pet loss