Help! I want to sleep!

[Firstimedoggymum]

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Hi there

I have a beautiful little ball of fluff a wee Cockapoo called Alfie! He has only been with us for two weeks and he seems to be loving life and very clever! He came from a bad home, we can only assume a puppy farm but don't really know. I am really worried he is going to end up with separation anxiety. We ensured that we took time off work for his first few weeks so we have been around constantly and he has not left our side, particularly mine he is my shadow. He spent the first night in his crate in the living room with me on the couch but he hated it he whined and barked so the next night we put crate in the bedroom and he was perfect only woke up quietly to go to the toilet by standing up in his crate and waiting patiently. Then I decided I don't want him to stay in the bedroom and the puppy trainer at his class said to let him cry and bark all night in his crate in the living room but it's so hard! I don't get any sleep and he seems to be so distressed. He loved being in his crate until I lock the door then he freaks out. I'm worried I'm going to have to be with him 24/7 as he barks and cries if I go to the toilet or have a shower. HELP!!!!!

 

[gypsysmum2]

I would go back to having him in the bedroom until he settles. Use the crate so that he can be, very gradually, moved towards the door of your bedroom. Hepl can then go just outside with the door open and then gradually close the door. He will be getting more independent each day anyway.

Try to teach him to be more independent during the day. Every time you see him playing independently give him eye contact and tell him how clever he is. Have the odd little game with him when he is playing independently. If he is following you then just completely ignore him. Don't let him rest touching you all the time. If he comes to lie on you then get up and move to another seat. Once he settles somewhere then go over to him and fuss him.

When you leave him alone do not make a huge deal of it. Just make sure he has everything he needs about ten minutes before you go and then ignore him for ten minutes and then just go. If you give him kisses and cuddles before you go he will miss you more than if he considers you to be "boring" and "grumpy" lol!

Same when you come back. Just come in and be very cool with him. Going out and coming home should be no bid deal for him. Pop out of the door lots of times and just come straight back in again to teach him you might only be a minute or two.

Adaptil might help him relax.

 

[JoanneF]

All that Gypsysmum said is good advice. I just wanted to add that I would look for another training class. While it isn't unusual for a puppy to cry a bit, I think leaving them in such a distressed condition overnight is wrong. Your trainer should have told you what Gypsysmum has said. Have a look at www.positively.com and if your trainer isn't using reward based positive methods, find one who is.

 

[Raven oaktree]

Find another trainer !!

I would never let a dog be distressed all night , especially given the little dudes background , you are trying to build trust , not destroy what they have left ..please find another trainer x

 

[Firstimedoggymum]

Thanks so much for your advice! I decided to keep him in the living room but change my approach based on your advice. On night one I sat with him next to the crate until he settled and was sleepy I then let him see me close the crate and he didn't seem stressed he just went to sleep so I left all the doors open so I could hear him and he woke up at 4am and 6am, I went through so he new I was there and just said shh in a quiet voice and he whined for a bit then settled back down and went to sleep! Night two he slept all the way through until 5am! He was wide awake when I went through so let him out to toilet and then he was running around so that was me up! But Its much better seeng him settle to sleep himself rather than hearing him whine and bark and sound distressed. Still not really left him yet during the day. I am making sure one of us is around at all times, but trying to leave him to go to the toilet and maybe hopefully we could get to the shops! He follows me around like a little shadow and if I'm cooking he will come and sit by my feet moving with me, so I just move away so he can't rest on me but i wish he would be happy just sitting away and not getting needing to move every two minutes!

 

[JoanneF]

Sounds like progress but to.make sure he doesn't develop separation anxiety, take Gypsysmum's advice about training independence.

 

[Firstimedoggymum]

We will work on that this week! :-D Wish me luck!

 

[JoanneF]

You'll be fine!

 

[Firstimedoggymum]

Just so nervous what I do now will impact him so much when he's older! So just trying to do everything 'right' there's so much conflicting things on the Internet! Xxx

 

[JoanneF]

You are so right. And we all make mistakes and later wish we had maybe done something different. But dogs are forgiving and tough and resilient little characters so when we aren't perfect they still let us get away with most stuff. I wish I had approached car training differently. So my dog is a massive work in progress in the car. But otherwise he ticks most of the boxes - well socialised, good recall, good with grooming, walks nicely on lead etc. So we don't beat each other up about the car, we look on it as continued training (maybe until he is about 14 but that's what it's all about)!

 

[Peegee]

I would agree with others advice to not leave them to cry. My 3 month Cockapoo is left in open crate with access to small play pen with puppy pads. She is still waking us two or three times a night to either go out to toilet or to clean her puppy pads if she's used them.my husband and I are both shattered and desperate for good nights sleep - taking it in turns to get up to her (we only go in when she's quiet!). Saturday night she whined and yapped at 1am when I went down she didn't want to go out and hadn't peed. Went back to bed and we decided to follow others advice and leave to cry it out. Sunday morning was dreadful she had peed and poohed in her play pen - was covered in pooh and had obviously been so distressed as there was chaos in her pen. We both felt terrible and couldn't apologise to her enough! We definitely won't do that again and will just have to wait until she is ready to go through the night and hope it isn't when she's 5! She doesn't seem to have been badly affected by the experience and she is very good during the day using her 'toilet area' most of the time.

 

[Firstimedoggymum]

That's great it's so nice to hear someone else is having same troubles! I was so pleased with my boy last night he only woke twice during the night but was told shh a few times and he settled and let us sleep! Today was the first time I woke up with my alarm! Went through and he was sitting quietly in his crate How are you getting on with leaving him for short periods? This worries me the most because is love to get back to the gym at some point!!!

 

[Peegee]

That's really good to hear he slept through. I was really worried about leaving her alone. We started with leaving her in crate with play pen access for short periods - 10 minutes or so, whilst we were upstairs. Always waited until she was sleepy, however downside of this was that I'm not sure she even knew we'd left her and was fast asleep when we came downstairs. We then moved to putting in crate then leaving by the front door and then creeping round to the back garden where we sat and had coffee for about 20 minutes. We then went properly out for 30-45 mins. At about 11 weeks we left her for 1.5 hours. We always leave her with a filled Kong or two, usually with her lunch in them, and try to make sure she is tired when we go out. We think she is ok but difficult to know for sure as we haven't set video or anything. What I haven't done yet is leave her for any length of time in a closed crate as I'm worried she'll want to go to the toilet.

 

[Firstimedoggymum]

We have done similar but he really hates being in his crate so we have started leaving for short lengths of time with his crate open in the living room with the door closed but he cries and whines and barks for a good 30-40mins we always leave a phone in the room on record to see how he copes and only when he's sleepy/sleeping is he quiet we left him for 45 mins and I don't even think he noticed! Just nervous I'm raising a monster as he whines even when I leave to go to bathroom! He is so attached to me, when my partner is holding him or sitting with him and I leave the room he freaks out! I know he's only young but so scared to leave him barking as the neighbours will have enough soon I'm sure!

 

[gypsysmum2]

The first step is to teach independence while you are around. Just pop in and out of doors. Avoid contact that is initiated by the dog. Don't respond to needy behaviour.

Reinforce settled behaviour with attention. Don't tip toe around when they are being independent. Give eye contact and smile!