Hi
Please forgive me if this post seems emotional but that's exactly what it is. I can't stop tearing up and just want to rant and collapse in a blubbering heap all at the same time. I'm in bits and close to breaking down myself.
My dog, who is my best friend - literately, my only companion and means more to me than i can even describe in my head let alone in words has been diagnosed as having a probable brain tumor.
I myself have mental health issues having suffered congenital chronic depression all my life and I live alone with no close family or friends except my Harvey. I won't go into it because this is about Harvey, not me, but I have to take 3 different medications each day just to function.
Harvey is a rescue dog from the RSPCA, a medium sized short haired collie cross boy who is about 8 or 9 year old. When I adopted him the RSPCA didn't know his exact age and estimated he was around a year old.
He has always been fed on the best quality dry mix I can afford, normally James Wellbeloved and he always has fresh fruit and veg with each meal. Normally a chopped apple and pear, two large carrots and sometimes chunks of cucumber or broccoli and when the fruit is ripe in the garden he got the odd strawberry or a few blueberry's. He loves any fruit and veg and prefers it raw as I think he likes the crunch.
It started back in the summer last year when I noticed slight changes in Harvey's behaviour. Nothing major at first but tiny little things that only those who are blessed to share their life with a dog will notice.
For example I knew him inside out, I knew his moods, his body language and some of the time I will swear I could tell what he was thinking.
Harvey does not have a bad bone in him, perpetually always happy, full of life, and even in what I guess is middle age he still thought he was a puppy. Always ready to play, always ready to go for a walk across the farmland where I live and always very loving and affectionate. He has also always been very confident and friendly to anyone. He is a beautiful dog to look at with one half of his face black and the other white, people always comment on how he looks.
Despite being a rescue dog he is, or was, very well rounded and we are more deeply bonded than I can describe, he is my world.
He has always been a dog who loved heat, whenever the sun was out he would lay in it even when he got so hot he would pant. In the winter when I had log fires he would sit far too close staring into the flames that I'd call him away from the fire (for his own safety) and he never cared if the logs were spitting.
Last summer I noticed he wasn't laying in the sun so much, I'd be gardening and look over to his favourite spot and he would not be there - when I looked for him he was in his bed in the kitchen. I didn't really think too much of it at the time but I feel now that I should have seen the signs.
When last winter came and I lit the fire as soon as the first crackles started he would almost bolt out of the front room into his bed in the kitchen. This bothered me as I wanted him to be in the warm front room and not the chilly kitchen.
I tried all I could to settle him in the front room, fussing him a lot, trying him with treats and so on when ever there was a crackle from the fire but nothing worked.
Worried that he would be cold I stopped lighting the fire and bought one of those electric oil filled radiators which I placed next to his bed in the front room. He loved this and would lay with his back to it. I should say that he has two beds, one in the kitchen and a flat one in the front room next to me as I don't like him laying on the cold floor.
In December he started having accidents in the kitchen over night, leaving pools of urine and the occasional poo also i noticed that he was constantly doing what I can only describe as 'smacking his lips' and he was drinking a little more water than normal so after about a week of this I took him to his usual vet early in the morning.
She is a fairly new young vet at my regular vets practice and she was always very good with Harvey, very patient and more importantly Harvey liked her. The other Vets (and I mean no dis-respect here) are a bit too matter of fact and it felt like it was just another patient, if that makes any sense. Harvey didn't like them at all and always became very stressed when he saw them so I stuck with the newer lady vet.
She checked him over and said his temperature was up slightly and she also took a blood sample to check his kidney function. She gave him an antibiotic injection to bring his temp down and gave me a course of tablets to give him for the 'lip smacking'. She said that she would call me later that day with the results of his blood tests and as soon as I was able to get a urine sample I should bring that in for testing.
As promised Harvey's vet called and said that his kidney was and blood work was fine and asked again for the urine sample.
Harvey did not like me trying to get a urine sample and refused to cooperate so it took me until the next day to get one but as soon as I did I took it to the vets. She called later in the day and said that he had crystals in his urine and that his urine was a bit alkaline. He would need to go on a special diet designed to add a bit more acid into his urine to dissolve the crystals which was promptly ordered in for me.
Two days later he started the new diet and it didn't seem to mess up his system, no diarrhoea or anything but he did seem to be drinking even more water than normal but not excessively so at first. The vet asked for a new urine sample after a month so she can see if the crystals were being dissolved.
About three weeks in I noticed Harvey was getting through maybe 2 or 3 pints of water a day and I noticed that occasionally when he was sat upright he would seem to be having shakes in his front legs as if he was shivering so I spoke to his vet on the phone who said for his size it did seem an excessive amount but it could be down to the new diet. She said that as I was bringing a new urine sample into her in a week then she would check what was going on then and the shakes could be that he was just feeling cold or that it may be due to his age.
After about two weeks at the end of the run for the tablets I noticed Harvey's 'lip smacking' had stopped so I was happy about that aspect but he was having urine accidents almost nightly in the kitchen. Also his shakes seemed to be getting worse and he seemed reluctant to lay down.
I promptly took the new sample in when it was due and later in the day she called to say that the crystals were greatly reduced but his urine was too weak due to the excessive water intake. She said that as he had got into the habit of drinking as much as he liked (I always made sure his bowl was clean and full with fresh water) I should place him on a water restricted diet. She also said that the urine accidents were down to the extra water he is drinking and that they should clear up as we get him to drink less. I mentioned the shaking again and she again said it was to be expected at his age. I was not convinced by this, I knew Harvey inside out and I knew something was not right.
My instructions were to only place about 1/2 to 3/4 of a inch of water in his bowl and wait until it was empty before adding fresh. She said that she wanted another urine sample in a month and she would review the water situation then.
At first Harvey would empty his bowl and wine for more but I kept rigidly to her instructions and I noticed that his water consumption slowly came down to what it used to be. He stopped having accidents with his urine and seemed to be back to normal in this respect.
In February after the final urine sample the vet gave him the all clear saying the crystals were gone and that his urine was back to the correct strength. She said I could start to move him back to his normal diet but change to a feed mix specifically for a older or mature dog.
Again I stayed with James Wellbeloved but went with their specific mature dog mix which I started introducing 50 / 50 with the urine dog mix and adding back in his veg and fruit.
He seemed back to his normal self except for the shaking which had now spread to his back legs. When he is sitting upright if you place your hands over the shaking muscles you can feel them trembling so very concerned I took him back to the vet about the third week in February.
Of course the excitement of being at the vets did not present any trembles so there was nothing for the vet to see. She checked him over, listened to his heart and took his temperature which she said were all fine and said again that it was his age and that there was not much that could be done.
I was not happy with this as I don't consider 8 or 9 to be particularly old for a dog but what could I do?
About two weeks ago I walked into the front room to find him sat bolt upright in the middle of the room with his head hanging down. He did not respond when I said his name but when I gently stroked him he kinda jumped or started but after that he was fine.
Four days ago he was laid on his bed next to me asleep and I noticed his back leg seemed to be twitching quite a lot (sometimes he has made running motions in his sleep as he dreamed) so I leaned down and gave his back leg a gentle stroke. He looked up at me wagged his tail and went back to sleep.
About 15 minutes later he had a what I now know to be a very serious Grand Mal seizure that lasted about 2 1/2 to 3 minutes. He was on his side, legs doing the full running motions, he voided his urine and saliva was everywhere. The leg motion was so strong it moved him across the room and almost in circles.
It was terrifying, its burnt into my memory and I can't stop thinking or obsessing about it.
I didn't know what was happening or how to handle it, i was calling out his name over and over trying to snap him out of it (something I now know is the exact opposite of what I should do).
I handled it very badly and very wrong, I broke into tears and panic at the sight of my poor Harv going through this. and at one point I nearly called 999 but what I thought they could do I don't know. I think I had a panic attack.
After his seizure stopped he just lay there unresponsive (but breathing) so I immediately called my vets which put me through to the 'out of hours service' (it was 10.15pm).
The guy I spoke to was happy to speak to me and to his credit he calmed me down and asked questions about Harvey before confirming that he had just had a seizure. At this point Harv started to come around so he told me to move anything away that Harv could bump into.
While I was still on the phone Harv tried to get up but kept falling over, he was disorientated but he recognised me and was just trying to get over to me.
He tried to climb in my lap and naturally wanted comfort and reassurance. The man on the phone told me that Harv maybe disorientated for quite a while, he may develop a big thrust or hunger, he may walk around in circles and he may have another seizure.
He said if he does have another then I should bring him into the out of hours vet (some 20 miles from where I live) and he said I should know that just a consultation would be £195.00. He said if Harv does not have another then I should take him to my vets in the morning and the conversation was ended.
Harv was disorientated for about an hour I'd say, and he was very unsteady on his feet at first but over the hour maybe an hour and a half he regained his orientation. He alternated from needing to be as close to me as he can be (sitting in my lap and staring up at me and he is a medium sized dog) to walking into the kitchen and back then into the kitchen and back and then over to me, pushing his nose into me, then back into the kitchen and then back to me and so on - all of the time I was still panicking inside and barely holding back the tears (Okay a few times I couldn't hold them back).
Harv then went and stood by the back door, his signal that he wanted to go outside so I let him out and went with him.
He did a wee and came straight back indoors.
For about the next two maybe three hours he would not settle and was very unsettled (naturally) and I sat on the floor next to him. He would not lay down but he kept pushing his hind into me, he needed that touch between us all of the while either consistently licking me or pushing his nose into my hand for fuss (which of course I gave as much as he wanted). Eventually he did lay down, curled himself into a tight ball and fell asleep.
I quickly went up stairs grabbed a pillow and the duvet off my bed and I spent the night laying next to him. I could not sleep anyway and I did not want him to wake up alone or to have another fit in the night and have to come around from it on his own.
The next morning as soon as the Vets opened I took him in and after describing to his vet what had happened she said that he had a pretty serious Grand Mal seizure. She did a few checks on him, listened to his heart and took his temperature but that was all she did.
She said that as he had recently had blood tests done which showed his Kidney was normal we didn't need to do any more blood tests. She said that the shakes (or tremors as she called them) were signs she had missed that something else more serious was wrong and that given the symptoms I described it was either an epileptic fit or a more probable a Brain Tumour.
I know exactly how those words hit me, Brain Tumour... I know I went dizzy and had to sit down and my whole world just came crashing down. It strange but the walls of the room did seem to spin, this is my Harvey she was talking about.
So I asked what was next?
She said that she could not say for sure if it was epilepsy or a Tumour without him having a MRI scan and that he may also need a Spine Fluid Test?
She said she could refer Harvey for these but they are both going to cost around £1300 - £1500 each. She said the other alternative would be to just book a consultation with the animal hospitals specialist and they would perform a exam of harvey (but without the tests) and that this would cost about £200. She said with this I would have the written advice of a specialist but we would still not know if it was epilepsy or a Tumour.
Of course I was beside myself and due to my own medical condition I have not been able to work for a number of years so I can barely afford the vets fees so any tests were beyond me.
She said the only other thing she can do is start Harv on a anti-epilepsy drug and see if that can control the seizures, she said if it's a tumour then it won't but if its epilepsy then the drug might. She said that there was a fairly new drug that didn't have any bad side effects we can try Harvey on called Pexion.
I agreed to try the drug and he is on 1 400mg tablet daily. I have to break the tab in half, wrap it in a little bit of sliced cooked meat and give him half in the morning and half in the evening.
If I give him his morning one at 8am I give him his evening one 8pm so that they are spaced 12 hours apart, i don't know if this is the right thing to do but it was what my common sense said to do.
He has so far not had another seizure but it's too soon to even consider, he is defiantly not himself.
He is constantly clingy and needing fuss and reassurance, it has taken me a good three hours to type this as I am constantly having to stop to give him fuss. He still has the shakes but it may be my imagination but they do not seem as bad as they did just before he seized.
Last night at bedtime he took himself off to his bed in the kitchen, he always sleeps there when I go to bed as I kinda thought a dog in the bed room was going beyond a boundary and he has always been happy. No crying in the night or barking, even as puppy.
So for the first time in three nights I slept in my bed and he stayed in the kitchen. For the last two nights I slept on the sofa out of fear he may have another seizure and he stayed with me on his bed in the front room.
I feel really badly guilty about sleeping upstairs while he is down, I hate the thought of him having a seizure in the night and coming around alone. The thought of him staggering about the kitchen, disorientated and scared, is something I just cannot bare, I can't do it.
So I thought I'd maybe allow him to sleep with me in the bedroom, that way if he seizures, hopefully it would wake me and I will be there for him.
But I am confused if this is the right thing to do?
I rent my house and the kitchen has solid floors so mopping up wee is Okay but upstairs is all carpets so I can't really have him urinating into the carpets but I don't want him alone either.
I just don't really know what to do or think!
What would you guys do?
Would you have him in the bedroom in a dog bed or allow him on the bed?
I'm worried he may have a seizure and fall off the bed or fall down the stairs as I cannot afford a stair gate and would rather spend the money on vets bills.
Today I had to go to the shops, I have been out of milk for the last two days and I needed to get some more cold sliced meat to give to Harvey with his pills and he needed some fresh veg for his dinners so I had to go. I have been putting it off and putting it off and today I had no choice.
Harvey knew I was going out and got panicked so I calmed him down the best I could and went. He has never had separation issues before and when I've had hospital or doctor's appointments he has been fine to leave for 4 maybe 5 hours. It was me that does not like to be separated from him for very long.
I was gone for about 45mins and when I got back the kitchen was a scene of devastation. He had pee'd all over the floor and it was everywhere, he had pulled a coat off the back of a chair which was laying on its side, pulled some cups off the table which had smashed, and do not ask me how (I am very worried about this), he had pulled a tray off the kitchen work top and its contents were now mixed with dog pee on the floor. He had also ripped one of the kitchen curtains almost off its runners.
Now none of this really matters as it is what the heck he must have been feeling and what was going through his mind that bothers me. What on earth did I put him through by leaving him?
How do I deal with this on top of everything else?
Before I went out I had taken him for a good walk over the fields and apart from him sticking by my side instead of running in front a bit he seemed Okay. After the walk I made a cup of tea and had it on the bench in my garden and Harvey sat on the bench next to me, his bum pushing tightly against my side and one of my arms were around him as I tried to drink my tea. At Tesco I was desperate to get back to him as soon as I could but there seemed to be people and screaming kids everywhere. At one point I nearly dropped everything and just fled home but I talked myself out of doing that as I would have nothing to give to Harvey with his medication.
He did have the shakes again today in his front legs but not as bad as before and after his walk he seemed alright, not brilliant but okay if you understand what I mean...
I think the best way to describe my emotional state is to say barely controlled panic, I have hardly eaten as I'm just not hungry. The panic is there, just bubbling under the top and I am on edge all of the time. I am finding Harveys constant need for reassurance to be a little hard to cope with which makes me feel even more guilty. I do have things I need to do, just normal stuff like go to the bathroom or have a wash but even then poor Harvey just clings to me.
Is what I'm feeling normal?
The biggest thing that's scaring the hell out of me and I do mean I am scared is that I know if it is a tumour there is nothing that can be done and at some point I will have to make a unthinkable and dreadful decision and you know what, i don't think i can make that decision.. How can I decide to essentially kill my little boy?
Also I have read on the net that some people seem to have success using Ice Packs on their dog during seizures? and people speak about different diets, using supplements and there is so much info out there to try and make sense of but it's just too overwhelming, there is just too much and I can't take it in.
Right now I need to know if I'm doing the right thing for him and how to manage him on a day to day or hour to hour basis. This is stupid but just writing all of this out and reading it back is making me panic more..
I will have to go out again at some point, I have hospital appointments for my own medical problems which means he will be left for a good few hours so what the hell do I do?
I did think about his old dog crate which I still have, it's the right size and one of those steel ones. Thing is, what if he has a seizure while in it, flailing claws and metal mesh do not mix and if he has to pee he will have nowhere to do it so that does not seem a good idea.
I'm sorry that this seems to have become a novel instead of a quick post but I could really do with some advice?
Please forgive me if this post seems emotional but that's exactly what it is. I can't stop tearing up and just want to rant and collapse in a blubbering heap all at the same time. I'm in bits and close to breaking down myself.
My dog, who is my best friend - literately, my only companion and means more to me than i can even describe in my head let alone in words has been diagnosed as having a probable brain tumor.
I myself have mental health issues having suffered congenital chronic depression all my life and I live alone with no close family or friends except my Harvey. I won't go into it because this is about Harvey, not me, but I have to take 3 different medications each day just to function.
Harvey is a rescue dog from the RSPCA, a medium sized short haired collie cross boy who is about 8 or 9 year old. When I adopted him the RSPCA didn't know his exact age and estimated he was around a year old.
He has always been fed on the best quality dry mix I can afford, normally James Wellbeloved and he always has fresh fruit and veg with each meal. Normally a chopped apple and pear, two large carrots and sometimes chunks of cucumber or broccoli and when the fruit is ripe in the garden he got the odd strawberry or a few blueberry's. He loves any fruit and veg and prefers it raw as I think he likes the crunch.
It started back in the summer last year when I noticed slight changes in Harvey's behaviour. Nothing major at first but tiny little things that only those who are blessed to share their life with a dog will notice.
For example I knew him inside out, I knew his moods, his body language and some of the time I will swear I could tell what he was thinking.
Harvey does not have a bad bone in him, perpetually always happy, full of life, and even in what I guess is middle age he still thought he was a puppy. Always ready to play, always ready to go for a walk across the farmland where I live and always very loving and affectionate. He has also always been very confident and friendly to anyone. He is a beautiful dog to look at with one half of his face black and the other white, people always comment on how he looks.
Despite being a rescue dog he is, or was, very well rounded and we are more deeply bonded than I can describe, he is my world.
He has always been a dog who loved heat, whenever the sun was out he would lay in it even when he got so hot he would pant. In the winter when I had log fires he would sit far too close staring into the flames that I'd call him away from the fire (for his own safety) and he never cared if the logs were spitting.
Last summer I noticed he wasn't laying in the sun so much, I'd be gardening and look over to his favourite spot and he would not be there - when I looked for him he was in his bed in the kitchen. I didn't really think too much of it at the time but I feel now that I should have seen the signs.
When last winter came and I lit the fire as soon as the first crackles started he would almost bolt out of the front room into his bed in the kitchen. This bothered me as I wanted him to be in the warm front room and not the chilly kitchen.
I tried all I could to settle him in the front room, fussing him a lot, trying him with treats and so on when ever there was a crackle from the fire but nothing worked.
Worried that he would be cold I stopped lighting the fire and bought one of those electric oil filled radiators which I placed next to his bed in the front room. He loved this and would lay with his back to it. I should say that he has two beds, one in the kitchen and a flat one in the front room next to me as I don't like him laying on the cold floor.
In December he started having accidents in the kitchen over night, leaving pools of urine and the occasional poo also i noticed that he was constantly doing what I can only describe as 'smacking his lips' and he was drinking a little more water than normal so after about a week of this I took him to his usual vet early in the morning.
She is a fairly new young vet at my regular vets practice and she was always very good with Harvey, very patient and more importantly Harvey liked her. The other Vets (and I mean no dis-respect here) are a bit too matter of fact and it felt like it was just another patient, if that makes any sense. Harvey didn't like them at all and always became very stressed when he saw them so I stuck with the newer lady vet.
She checked him over and said his temperature was up slightly and she also took a blood sample to check his kidney function. She gave him an antibiotic injection to bring his temp down and gave me a course of tablets to give him for the 'lip smacking'. She said that she would call me later that day with the results of his blood tests and as soon as I was able to get a urine sample I should bring that in for testing.
As promised Harvey's vet called and said that his kidney was and blood work was fine and asked again for the urine sample.
Harvey did not like me trying to get a urine sample and refused to cooperate so it took me until the next day to get one but as soon as I did I took it to the vets. She called later in the day and said that he had crystals in his urine and that his urine was a bit alkaline. He would need to go on a special diet designed to add a bit more acid into his urine to dissolve the crystals which was promptly ordered in for me.
Two days later he started the new diet and it didn't seem to mess up his system, no diarrhoea or anything but he did seem to be drinking even more water than normal but not excessively so at first. The vet asked for a new urine sample after a month so she can see if the crystals were being dissolved.
About three weeks in I noticed Harvey was getting through maybe 2 or 3 pints of water a day and I noticed that occasionally when he was sat upright he would seem to be having shakes in his front legs as if he was shivering so I spoke to his vet on the phone who said for his size it did seem an excessive amount but it could be down to the new diet. She said that as I was bringing a new urine sample into her in a week then she would check what was going on then and the shakes could be that he was just feeling cold or that it may be due to his age.
After about two weeks at the end of the run for the tablets I noticed Harvey's 'lip smacking' had stopped so I was happy about that aspect but he was having urine accidents almost nightly in the kitchen. Also his shakes seemed to be getting worse and he seemed reluctant to lay down.
I promptly took the new sample in when it was due and later in the day she called to say that the crystals were greatly reduced but his urine was too weak due to the excessive water intake. She said that as he had got into the habit of drinking as much as he liked (I always made sure his bowl was clean and full with fresh water) I should place him on a water restricted diet. She also said that the urine accidents were down to the extra water he is drinking and that they should clear up as we get him to drink less. I mentioned the shaking again and she again said it was to be expected at his age. I was not convinced by this, I knew Harvey inside out and I knew something was not right.
My instructions were to only place about 1/2 to 3/4 of a inch of water in his bowl and wait until it was empty before adding fresh. She said that she wanted another urine sample in a month and she would review the water situation then.
At first Harvey would empty his bowl and wine for more but I kept rigidly to her instructions and I noticed that his water consumption slowly came down to what it used to be. He stopped having accidents with his urine and seemed to be back to normal in this respect.
In February after the final urine sample the vet gave him the all clear saying the crystals were gone and that his urine was back to the correct strength. She said I could start to move him back to his normal diet but change to a feed mix specifically for a older or mature dog.
Again I stayed with James Wellbeloved but went with their specific mature dog mix which I started introducing 50 / 50 with the urine dog mix and adding back in his veg and fruit.
He seemed back to his normal self except for the shaking which had now spread to his back legs. When he is sitting upright if you place your hands over the shaking muscles you can feel them trembling so very concerned I took him back to the vet about the third week in February.
Of course the excitement of being at the vets did not present any trembles so there was nothing for the vet to see. She checked him over, listened to his heart and took his temperature which she said were all fine and said again that it was his age and that there was not much that could be done.
I was not happy with this as I don't consider 8 or 9 to be particularly old for a dog but what could I do?
About two weeks ago I walked into the front room to find him sat bolt upright in the middle of the room with his head hanging down. He did not respond when I said his name but when I gently stroked him he kinda jumped or started but after that he was fine.
Four days ago he was laid on his bed next to me asleep and I noticed his back leg seemed to be twitching quite a lot (sometimes he has made running motions in his sleep as he dreamed) so I leaned down and gave his back leg a gentle stroke. He looked up at me wagged his tail and went back to sleep.
About 15 minutes later he had a what I now know to be a very serious Grand Mal seizure that lasted about 2 1/2 to 3 minutes. He was on his side, legs doing the full running motions, he voided his urine and saliva was everywhere. The leg motion was so strong it moved him across the room and almost in circles.
It was terrifying, its burnt into my memory and I can't stop thinking or obsessing about it.
I didn't know what was happening or how to handle it, i was calling out his name over and over trying to snap him out of it (something I now know is the exact opposite of what I should do).
I handled it very badly and very wrong, I broke into tears and panic at the sight of my poor Harv going through this. and at one point I nearly called 999 but what I thought they could do I don't know. I think I had a panic attack.
After his seizure stopped he just lay there unresponsive (but breathing) so I immediately called my vets which put me through to the 'out of hours service' (it was 10.15pm).
The guy I spoke to was happy to speak to me and to his credit he calmed me down and asked questions about Harvey before confirming that he had just had a seizure. At this point Harv started to come around so he told me to move anything away that Harv could bump into.
While I was still on the phone Harv tried to get up but kept falling over, he was disorientated but he recognised me and was just trying to get over to me.
He tried to climb in my lap and naturally wanted comfort and reassurance. The man on the phone told me that Harv maybe disorientated for quite a while, he may develop a big thrust or hunger, he may walk around in circles and he may have another seizure.
He said if he does have another then I should bring him into the out of hours vet (some 20 miles from where I live) and he said I should know that just a consultation would be £195.00. He said if Harv does not have another then I should take him to my vets in the morning and the conversation was ended.
Harv was disorientated for about an hour I'd say, and he was very unsteady on his feet at first but over the hour maybe an hour and a half he regained his orientation. He alternated from needing to be as close to me as he can be (sitting in my lap and staring up at me and he is a medium sized dog) to walking into the kitchen and back then into the kitchen and back and then over to me, pushing his nose into me, then back into the kitchen and then back to me and so on - all of the time I was still panicking inside and barely holding back the tears (Okay a few times I couldn't hold them back).
Harv then went and stood by the back door, his signal that he wanted to go outside so I let him out and went with him.
He did a wee and came straight back indoors.
For about the next two maybe three hours he would not settle and was very unsettled (naturally) and I sat on the floor next to him. He would not lay down but he kept pushing his hind into me, he needed that touch between us all of the while either consistently licking me or pushing his nose into my hand for fuss (which of course I gave as much as he wanted). Eventually he did lay down, curled himself into a tight ball and fell asleep.
I quickly went up stairs grabbed a pillow and the duvet off my bed and I spent the night laying next to him. I could not sleep anyway and I did not want him to wake up alone or to have another fit in the night and have to come around from it on his own.
The next morning as soon as the Vets opened I took him in and after describing to his vet what had happened she said that he had a pretty serious Grand Mal seizure. She did a few checks on him, listened to his heart and took his temperature but that was all she did.
She said that as he had recently had blood tests done which showed his Kidney was normal we didn't need to do any more blood tests. She said that the shakes (or tremors as she called them) were signs she had missed that something else more serious was wrong and that given the symptoms I described it was either an epileptic fit or a more probable a Brain Tumour.
I know exactly how those words hit me, Brain Tumour... I know I went dizzy and had to sit down and my whole world just came crashing down. It strange but the walls of the room did seem to spin, this is my Harvey she was talking about.
So I asked what was next?
She said that she could not say for sure if it was epilepsy or a Tumour without him having a MRI scan and that he may also need a Spine Fluid Test?
She said she could refer Harvey for these but they are both going to cost around £1300 - £1500 each. She said the other alternative would be to just book a consultation with the animal hospitals specialist and they would perform a exam of harvey (but without the tests) and that this would cost about £200. She said with this I would have the written advice of a specialist but we would still not know if it was epilepsy or a Tumour.
Of course I was beside myself and due to my own medical condition I have not been able to work for a number of years so I can barely afford the vets fees so any tests were beyond me.
She said the only other thing she can do is start Harv on a anti-epilepsy drug and see if that can control the seizures, she said if it's a tumour then it won't but if its epilepsy then the drug might. She said that there was a fairly new drug that didn't have any bad side effects we can try Harvey on called Pexion.
I agreed to try the drug and he is on 1 400mg tablet daily. I have to break the tab in half, wrap it in a little bit of sliced cooked meat and give him half in the morning and half in the evening.
If I give him his morning one at 8am I give him his evening one 8pm so that they are spaced 12 hours apart, i don't know if this is the right thing to do but it was what my common sense said to do.
He has so far not had another seizure but it's too soon to even consider, he is defiantly not himself.
He is constantly clingy and needing fuss and reassurance, it has taken me a good three hours to type this as I am constantly having to stop to give him fuss. He still has the shakes but it may be my imagination but they do not seem as bad as they did just before he seized.
Last night at bedtime he took himself off to his bed in the kitchen, he always sleeps there when I go to bed as I kinda thought a dog in the bed room was going beyond a boundary and he has always been happy. No crying in the night or barking, even as puppy.
So for the first time in three nights I slept in my bed and he stayed in the kitchen. For the last two nights I slept on the sofa out of fear he may have another seizure and he stayed with me on his bed in the front room.
I feel really badly guilty about sleeping upstairs while he is down, I hate the thought of him having a seizure in the night and coming around alone. The thought of him staggering about the kitchen, disorientated and scared, is something I just cannot bare, I can't do it.
So I thought I'd maybe allow him to sleep with me in the bedroom, that way if he seizures, hopefully it would wake me and I will be there for him.
But I am confused if this is the right thing to do?
I rent my house and the kitchen has solid floors so mopping up wee is Okay but upstairs is all carpets so I can't really have him urinating into the carpets but I don't want him alone either.
I just don't really know what to do or think!
What would you guys do?
Would you have him in the bedroom in a dog bed or allow him on the bed?
I'm worried he may have a seizure and fall off the bed or fall down the stairs as I cannot afford a stair gate and would rather spend the money on vets bills.
Today I had to go to the shops, I have been out of milk for the last two days and I needed to get some more cold sliced meat to give to Harvey with his pills and he needed some fresh veg for his dinners so I had to go. I have been putting it off and putting it off and today I had no choice.
Harvey knew I was going out and got panicked so I calmed him down the best I could and went. He has never had separation issues before and when I've had hospital or doctor's appointments he has been fine to leave for 4 maybe 5 hours. It was me that does not like to be separated from him for very long.
I was gone for about 45mins and when I got back the kitchen was a scene of devastation. He had pee'd all over the floor and it was everywhere, he had pulled a coat off the back of a chair which was laying on its side, pulled some cups off the table which had smashed, and do not ask me how (I am very worried about this), he had pulled a tray off the kitchen work top and its contents were now mixed with dog pee on the floor. He had also ripped one of the kitchen curtains almost off its runners.
Now none of this really matters as it is what the heck he must have been feeling and what was going through his mind that bothers me. What on earth did I put him through by leaving him?
How do I deal with this on top of everything else?
Before I went out I had taken him for a good walk over the fields and apart from him sticking by my side instead of running in front a bit he seemed Okay. After the walk I made a cup of tea and had it on the bench in my garden and Harvey sat on the bench next to me, his bum pushing tightly against my side and one of my arms were around him as I tried to drink my tea. At Tesco I was desperate to get back to him as soon as I could but there seemed to be people and screaming kids everywhere. At one point I nearly dropped everything and just fled home but I talked myself out of doing that as I would have nothing to give to Harvey with his medication.
He did have the shakes again today in his front legs but not as bad as before and after his walk he seemed alright, not brilliant but okay if you understand what I mean...
I think the best way to describe my emotional state is to say barely controlled panic, I have hardly eaten as I'm just not hungry. The panic is there, just bubbling under the top and I am on edge all of the time. I am finding Harveys constant need for reassurance to be a little hard to cope with which makes me feel even more guilty. I do have things I need to do, just normal stuff like go to the bathroom or have a wash but even then poor Harvey just clings to me.
Is what I'm feeling normal?
The biggest thing that's scaring the hell out of me and I do mean I am scared is that I know if it is a tumour there is nothing that can be done and at some point I will have to make a unthinkable and dreadful decision and you know what, i don't think i can make that decision.. How can I decide to essentially kill my little boy?
Also I have read on the net that some people seem to have success using Ice Packs on their dog during seizures? and people speak about different diets, using supplements and there is so much info out there to try and make sense of but it's just too overwhelming, there is just too much and I can't take it in.
Right now I need to know if I'm doing the right thing for him and how to manage him on a day to day or hour to hour basis. This is stupid but just writing all of this out and reading it back is making me panic more..
I will have to go out again at some point, I have hospital appointments for my own medical problems which means he will be left for a good few hours so what the hell do I do?
I did think about his old dog crate which I still have, it's the right size and one of those steel ones. Thing is, what if he has a seizure while in it, flailing claws and metal mesh do not mix and if he has to pee he will have nowhere to do it so that does not seem a good idea.
I'm sorry that this seems to have become a novel instead of a quick post but I could really do with some advice?
