New puppy mummy

[Marie1958]

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Hi everyone. I am a new mummy to a 15wk old Cavapoo pup. She has been with me now for 6wks. All good with the exception doesnt like being on her own even when i pop to bathroom. So any advice would be very grateful for

 

[Whippylove]

Welcome
Congrats on your new puppy!

 

[JoanneF]

Teaching independence is really important.

Its a good idea to prepare for this as early as you can - get her used to you walking out of the room then immediately back in again, preferably when she is occupied with something like a Kong. Try to make no fuss, you don't want to prepare her into thinking "oh no this means they are going out" - the aim is for her to barely register you coming and going - ideally for her to have a 'oh, you're back, I didn't notice you leave' reaction. Very, very gradually build up time. This will be hard work but put the work in now and it will pay off later. If she gets distressed though you have gone too fast, and created anxiety and that is not what you want. Stair gates are also useful to allow her to see you pottering about in another room, but without being glued to your feet.
You can also reward independent behaviour - praise when your dog is not actively engaged with you, which is actually quite hard to remember to do because we sort of don't notice when it happens!

There are other things you can do like picking up keys and putting on outdoor clothes then not actually going out, to desensitise her to the triggers that signal you leaving.

An Adaptil diffuser releases calming hormones in the house and might also help.

@JudyN has written some great stuff on this.

 

[gypsysmum2]

Good advice from Joanne.
Also remember to not over coddle her. If she is constantly resting on your lap or touching you in any way she will become over dependent on your scent. If this has happened already the try the Adaptil and add in an old t shirt or similar that smells of your recent scent.
Are you crate training? Some dogs find crates (better described as "dens") very comforting.

 

[JudyN]

@JudyN has written some great stuff on this.

JoanneF and gypsymum2 have pretty well covered it. There's an article I wrote on another forum here - you might want to have a read now in case there's anything that might be useful later.

 

[Marie1958]

Thanks everyone for replies. She sleeps on my bed at night no probs at all regarding this.but daytime she.s my constant shadow. If i.m in kitchen i tell her to get on her bed which 9out 10 times she does but as soon as i open gate shes there. She wont go in grate unless i treat her then once eaten out again sleeping on floor. Yesterday i spent 10mins (on 3 seperate occasions)telling her bed used clicker plus treats.i wonder as i live alone could this be another reason shes clingy. I take her for walk every morning.playand train when come back. I jingle keys during all day on and off. In and out for few mins all time whether she in kitchen or sitting room with me. I video her when i have to go out for longer and she cries/barks 10mins sleep 10mins. was gone 1hr. left her with filled kong.loads toys.my tshirt.
I have been at home with her the whole 6wks got another 3wks before i go back to work for 3hrs in morning. Would like to have her bit more settled but feel that i.m doing it wrong and that i.ll never be able to leave her alone
Neighbours are brill by way just keep saying she still baby and will grow out of it. I do wonder...

 

[gypsysmum2]

Sleeping on your bed, lovely though it is, does not help her to learn to be independent. She is surrounded by your scent and when you take your scent away (go out) she cannot cope. It is very distressing for her and her behaviour not deliberate at all.
I would wean her, gradually, off your bed. Pop her in a den or puppy play pen beside your bed so that you can dangle your hand down if she gets distressed. Once she settles there for a few nights gradually move the pen away from the bed a little bit every couple of nights. Once she is near the door put her outside the door but leave it open. You are aiming, eventually, to have her sleeping outside the bedroom completely. This will hugely increase her confidence in her ability to cope without you being right next to her.

Use barriers like stair gates etc, to confine her, with lots of lovely chew toys, stuffed kongs etc for short periods each day. Do not allow her into the loo! You are not being mean you are helping her to be happy! Separation Distress is a terrible thing for a dog to suffer from.

There are other techniques to help her but none of them are going to work until she has learned to be more confident in her ability to cope on her own. It is a bit like children going to school they do have to learn to cope without their mum!

 

[Marie1958]

Sleeping on your bed, lovely though it is, does not help her to learn to be independent. She is surrounded by your scent and when you take your scent away (go out) she cannot cope. It is very distressing for her and her behaviour not deliberate at all.
I would wean her, gradually, off your bed. Pop her in a den or puppy play pen beside your bed so that you can dangle your hand down if she gets distressed. Once she settles there for a few nights gradually move the pen away from the bed a little bit every couple of nights. Once she is near the door put her outside the door but leave it open. You are aiming, eventually, to have her sleeping outside the bedroom completely. This will hugely increase her confidence in her ability to cope without you being right next to her.

Use barriers like stair gates etc, to confine her, with lots of lovely chew toys, stuffed kongs etc for short periods each day. Do not allow her into the loo! You are not being mean you are helping her to be happy! Separation Distress is a terrible thing for a dog to suffer from.

There are other techniques to help her but none of them are going to work until she has learned to be more confident in her ability to cope on her own. It is a bit like children going to school they do have to learn to cope without their mum!

Hi gypsysmum2. I did wonder if i was doing the right thing by having her on my bed.she was doing well in the crate at night time up till then (prob put her back to 1st night now then). Must admit today has had a few highs she went off on her own to sitting room ( i was in kitchen ironing) she has little snooze and play as i kept moving her as she was laying on my feet. Abd kept telling her No in firm voice. I feel like a 1st time mum i.m 60yrs lol. I try not to get frustated with her as she is still a baby but i think made so many mistakes with her over the last 7 wks that i cant see light at end of tunnel as of yet.she is so good at other things crying to go out.good on lead and at times obedient.i think i love her to much and when she gives me the sad eyes my heart breaks lol. I will go back to basics tonight with her in crate in bedroom. Thankyou for advice and will give updates soon x

 

[JudyN]

Remember that a puppy, like a child, can only learn to be independent from a secure base. So while it's good to encourage separation, you should aim to keep it within her comfort zone. A dog who is repeatedly stressed at being separated from you, such as when shut in the crate or behind a stairgate, will not learn that it OK to be separated - it will just reinforce that it's stressful.

So personally, I don't think you need to ban her from the bed if (a) you're happy for her to sleep there, (b) she gets really upset in the crate and (c) if means you get a decent night's sleep, and I wouldn't worry about her going with you into the bathroom. IMO it's better to start with 5 seconds separation that she's comfortable with and build up from there than 5 minutes' separation that she cries throughout.

On the other hand, @gypsysmum2 does have a lot more experience than me so this is just my thoughts

 

[Marie1958]

Remember that a puppy, like a child, can only learn to be independent from a secure base. So while it's good to encourage separation, you should aim to keep it within her comfort zone. A dog who is repeatedly stressed at being separated from you, such as when shut in the crate or behind a stairgate, will not learn that it OK to be separated - it will just reinforce that it's stressful.

So personally, I don't think you need to ban her from the bed if (a) you're happy for her to sleep there, (b) she gets really upset in the crate and (c) if means you get a decent night's sleep, and I wouldn't worry about her going with you into the bathroom. IMO it's better to start with 5 seconds separation that she's comfortable with and build up from there than 5 minutes' separation that she cries throughout.

On the other hand, @gypsysmum2 does have a lot more experience than me so this is just my thoughts

Thanks JudyN. I have found that Rosie sleeps better and longer on my bed. Ok bit pain when woken up by licks on neck /face lol. over wkend she has not followed as much and also gone off to either kitchen or sitting room on her own . This morning left while went to shop and she never cried when i was leaving and neighbour said all quiet so another little bonus. Small steps each day but positive ones

 

[JudyN]

That's brilliant, Marie
I also think that wanting to be where you are is normal and doesn't necessarily translate into SA - on balance my dog prefers to be where I am but will often be in another room. If I shut him in the room though he's more likely to get upset because he can't get to me - even if he doesn't particularly want to be where I am, if that makes sense.

 

[Marie1958]

That's brilliant, Marie
I also think that wanting to be where you are is normal and doesn't necessarily translate into SA - on balance my dog prefers to be where I am but will often be in another room. If I shut him in the room though he's more likely to get upset because he can't get to me - even if he doesn't particularly want to be where I am, if that makes sense.

Yes i can relate to the shutting in room as i didnt shut Rosie in kitchen i left stairgate open and shut sitting room door so she had bit more freedom and it was a positve outcome. All smiles today lol