Post puppy depression

[Pepita]

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Hi everyone!
Although I did find some information/stories about what I am experiencing since I got my puppy I feel like I want to share my situation and might get some helpful advice from other experienced dog owners. I´ve always wanted a dog. Since I was a child. My mother never let me have one because she said she didn´t want to be the person taking care of the dog I am 30 years now and the last years my wish for a dog grew and grew. So at some point I decided that the time is good now and that I am ready. I read tons of books, I talked to dog owners, I thought I was prepared. I also always had pets (mice, rats, hamsters, cats....) and I have loved all of them!

I know some people owning Amstaffs and I had a special kind of liking for them, so I decided that this would be my choice, found a breeder and arranged a date where I could get a look at the pups. When I got there there was only one female dog left. I immediately felt overwhelmed with all the puppies and as well I felt a little "run over" that there was only one pup left anyway ( I had been looking at the whole litter for weeks on facebook so I already had some of them in mind) BUT the character she had seemed perfect. Very calm compared to her brothers and sisters, didn´t seem dominant/scared or any other kind of characteristics that I wanted to be aware of. So I decided that this must me faith anyway, called the breeder the next day and told her I´d take her. I was sooooooo nervous when I called and I was scared of giving her my finale answer because I started to ask myself all those questions: Will I be able to educate this dog, will I be able to handle all the situations, and so on and so on..so actually, from the moment on that I set the deal my head started spinning. I didn´t sleep well, I was constantly worried about if I made the right decision.

Then the day came where we (me and my boyfriend - who actually never really wanted a dog but agreed for my sake) picked her up.

The first two weeks we had her I was very stressed out already but I somehow powered through everything. Then, after 2-3 weeks a hardcore depression and being sort of a nervous wreck kicked in. I got her for almost 2 months now. What changed is that I really love her a lot already. The first 2-4 weeks I almost felt like she was this weird little monster in my apartment that I could not handle and that is turning my life upside down.
Luckily my boyfriend loves her a lot, helps me with everything and is very committed to her. So now I do have a lot of love for her, I train and walk her everyday and I am really giving my best. But I still feel soooo horrible. I don´t really understand why I am guessing it just comes from all the stress I put upon myself starting from the very beginning. Like I want to do everything perfectly and I worry that I am not doing a good job or so.
I still can´t sleep at night because my head won´t stop spinning (when will she wake up, where will I take her tomorrow, oh my god why don´t I feel better already, and so on and so on) It is not her fault - she already sleeps around 8 hours at night. I feel nervous with so many things with her. When I take her to a dog park I feel shaky because I am scared that there could be a situation that I can´t handle (like an aggressive dog attacking her or something like that). It is soooo intense to walk with her because walking her of course is yet not relaxing for me, but training for her. I train her to walk nicely on the leash without pulling, eating cigarettes and other crap she finds on the street and so on...

I can´t turn off my head when it comes to her. The breeder told me I could leave her alone in her crate without worries for 3-5 hours. Last week I went to a Yoga Class and crated her ...and all I did was thinking if everything is fine with her :>

I really really really hope that all of this will get better because I really love her a lot already but I feel like if this doesn´t get better within a few weeks I can´t take this pressure any more. And I feel sooo silly and like the biggest loser for feeling this way because I really don´t get it and never thought that I could be stressed out in such a negative way by such a cute little puppy.
So I came up with a strict plan for during the week. A timetable that I will follow - no matter how miserable I feel and this certainly helps!
But I realised that as soon as it´s week ends, I start freaking out again, just hanging around at home betweens walks and feeding her, constantly thinking about what I have to do next with her and feeling completely dependent and stuck in this situation.

Has anyone here experienced something similar and some advice or helpful tipps of how to manage this situation?

I am looking forward to your comments

 

[JoanneF]

Puppy blues are actually quite common. You are not alone! You always wanted a dog so it's hard to understand how fulfilling your wish has led to this but it is a big disruption in your life and a massive learning curve. It should pass but if it doesn't you could always have a word with your doctor.

 

[Pepita]

Thanks Joanne. Yes, I heard it´s pretty common, I just didn´t think it could be that rough Hope it passes soon!

 

[Lilycrumb]

Hi Pepita, I have had the same experience! We have just got a puppy. We have had her two weeks and I am starting to feel better now.

I think the only advice I can give you is to just take it easy on yourself. I was really stressed out as soon as we brought our pup home, and I think I overloaded myself with information and then I was so anxious about whether we were doing the right thing or were we going to teach her to be a horrible dog when she is older!

I realised that I was so busy worrying that I wasn't really enjoying the training and playing and cuddles. Try to focus on the good stuff you are doing and also give yourself a break. Try and spend more time away from her so you realise that you can still do things that you enjoy without pups!

The other problem I am having is I am exhausted all the time from broken sleep. My partner and I share night duties but if he wakes up then I wake up too so. I am so tired and when she gets up she is so lively and I just want to collapse! I am trying to convince myself that things will be much better when I am not so exhausted!

You are learning just like your dog, and that is a hard thing to do! So let yourself make mistakes and don't be hard on yourself when you do.

 

[Pepita]

Hi Lilycrumb, thank you for your post. It does help to hear from other people who are experiencing similar situations! You are right! I, as well am so stressed out that I don´t enjoy training, walks and so on. I sort of had this picture in my mind of the perfect summer. That we´ll be hanging at the lake, I´ll be reading, cuddling with my cute adorable pup. We´ll be spending much time outside, enjoying the sun..and then reality hit in. No sleep for the first weeks, puppy biting, peeing...I was and am still so stressed out with her that I don´t want to spend time outside together with her and other friends because walking is hard work training her to walk on the leash nicely..I can´t listen to what other people are saying and watch her so that she doesn´t eat everything off the street at the same time. I feel really cut off from my usual life and when she sleeps I am so darn tired and depressed that I can´t force myself to do something.

You said you got her for 2 weeks now? How old was she when you got her? 8 weeks? Do you crate-train her?
The nights will get much better in 3-5 weeks. Joy (thats the name of my puppy) had to go pee at night every 3-4 hours and now she sleeps 8-9 hours.
The only trouble is that my head doesn´t stop ruminating - otherwise I could get a lot more sleep than a few weeks ago.

If you have an undisturbed sleep by ruminating thoughts you´ll be sleeping well soon and then you´ll have more energy for her during the day! What kind of a dog is she?
Are you working during the week? Can you bring her or do you leave her at home?

I think the most important point you mentioned is that I should do more things without her so that my life starts to feel like a normal one again and I can enjoy the time I spend with her.

 

[Lilycrumb]

yes, she was 8 weeks when we got her and so now she is 10 weeks. She is a cockapoo/labradoodle cross. We have one more week until we can take her to the park, then I think things might get easier as we have a small garden which she has already thoroughly explored!

I am a piano teacher, and as it is the summer holidays at the moment I have been able to be very flexible about time. My partner has been off for the last two weeks but next week he is going back to work (9-5 ish) and I need to do some prep for the new term, and I have some evening classes. I have set myself a timetable for each day next week so that we have some structure and I can make sure I am getting enough work done and she is getting enough attention.

At the moment puppy is going to sleep at about 10pm and then we take her out at 3:30am. She doesn't ask to go out then, but when we get downstairs she is up and awake, so we take her out anyway. We are then getting up at about 6:30am when she is totally awake. Every couple of days we push the first wake up call back by about 30 minutes and so far we have not had any accidents since the 3rd night

 

[Pepita]

wow, thats great! And during the day, does she give you signs when she needs to go outside? Joy doesn´t She is not clean yet, we´re still having a lot of accidents in the apartment :/ I don´t get the impression that she understands she is not supposed to pee or poo in the apartment. When she does and I show her that this is inappropriate, she looks at me as if I was an Alien A timetable and a well thought through structure help a lot! I envy you for your garden!! Even if it´s only a small one! I never realized how hard it would be to always carry the dog 2 floors up and down and then having not the least bit of green in front of our building. Luckily she accepted the streets as a place to do her business pretty quickly. I live in the city. I have nice parks and nature to go for walks but I never thought about how hard it would be in the beginning to take a puppy ANYWHERE. A walk that takes me 15-20 minutes takes forever with an 8 week old puppy and they shouldn´t even walk that long

Do you live in the city as well?

 

[Lilycrumb]

We live in a town but on the edge so we are very near country walks.

She is mostly going outside but it is more luck that we get her out there than our judgement of when she is wanting to go. If we leave the back door open she will choose to go outside and she will only wee in the grass and only poop on the flower beds.

It must be so hard in a flat. I can't imagine doing it! I used to live in London though and there were loads of people with dogs so it must be common in cities!

 

[gypsysmum2]

Please don't chastise your puppy when it makes a mistake Pepita. If you do, your will create more problems than you solve. Your puppy will start to try to avoid you when it needs to toilet and that will impact on good house training.

House training is all about the dog wanting to go outside to toilet. This is achieved by rewarding the right behaviour and ignoring the wrong behaviour. Puppies have to have the bladder and bowel control which only comes with age and experience.

Can you, in your apartment, train your puppy to toilet outside the door to the apartment? You could use a tray of soil or grass or even cat litter. The main thing is that the puppy learns to leave the apartment when it needs to toilet. Once this is achieved you can move the reward to a place further and further away from the apartment until it only happens on walks.