Sad news and a request for help with door dashing and training a new rescue

[Shalista]

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On May 2 we suffered a devastating house fire. my then-fiance (now husband) Joel jumped through a second-story window and was admitted to the hospital for two days with severe carbon monoxide poisoning.

our beloved dog Baxter didn't make it.

we are absolutely crushed by grief with the loss of Bax. our house is just stuff but Bax was our son! Joel especially is struggling with feelings of guilt that he didn't go back into the house to save him.

I knew the only path forward was though and so I started tentatively poking around rescues. I knew I wanted an adult. Joel knew he needed another rat terrier. enter. Solomon.

We picked him up yesterday and he's already the best boi. very well behaved. only knows sit but he walks decently well on the leash with a martingale. VERY house trained. extremely food motivated.

I have a couple of questions.

in the short 24 hours he's been he's gotten EXTREMELY attached to me. Velcro Dog doesn't begin to describe it. If I'm out of sight he will go into a down with his nose pressed to the door and wait whining completely ignoring Joel. he follows me all over the house. I was off work yesterday as well as today (covid isolation) so I don't mind per se. Joel will be working from home for the foreseeable future to keep him company. I'm just worried I'm setting him up for some separation anxiety when I leave to go to work tomorrow. I'm planning on taking a short shopping trip today to pick him up a tag and a harness for car rides (we have a doggy seat belt for him that I don't want clipping to his collar. YIKES). I worked very hard to foster independence with Bax and while he was attached to me he also loved joel. I'm thinking of playing some it's yer choice games with him etc? again, he's extremely food-motivated. poor little man has no standards and will even do tricks for milk bones. So tips for fostering independence would be nice.

Speaking of training. whooooo boy is he a door dasher. this is a big safety concern for me. As you can see on his shelter page he escaped TWICE in NYC and I have no interest in losing him this time. he even door dashes inside the house (from bedroom to living room etc) trying to get through the door between our legs. I've never been one for the theory that the owner should go through the door first to exert dominance but for this little guy a 'wait' at the door while I go through would be AWESOME. I'm just A. a little unsure on how to train this and B. I don't want to flood the guy with training. he's been here 24 hours. I want him to unwind and adjust. BUT. It is a safety issue so I want to address it ASAP. thoughts?

VERY low on my list of doggy priorities but worth mentioning here is that he does have some barrier frustration. he's an extremely extroverted friendly dog that's great with people and other dogs (he was fostered with multiple other dogs and stayed at a doggy daycare for the last two weeks of his stay) so I'm not worried about aggression but I'd love some tips for reducing barrier frustration when we're out walking. so far it's just exemplified by pulling and barking to get at dogs and pulling to get at people. so far I haven't had treats on our walks and haven't practiced watch me (see previous note on not wanting to start training too soon) so we've just been crossing streets and heading into people's yards to create maximum space and then praising extensively when he redirects away from the target. thoughts on how to do this better?

he starts basic obedience on June 16 and I think he's gonna do great! he truly is a silly goofy lil guy and while it's been really hard ( I wasn't expecting it to be as hard as it was when we first got him) I know he's helping us heal.

 

[Shalista]

Also side note but I'm extremely angry at this "rescue" I'm sure they meant well but they really screwed this poor guy over. from what I can tell they picked him up some time in November at 25+lbs. they then "put him on a diet" and he cant be more than 11 now. all his bones stick out. you can see every rib, feel every bone in his spine. i know how much bax weighed at roughly the same size so I know this guy is barely 11 pounds. they crushed over half his body weight in 6 months. no wonder the poor boy is food motivated! we have him on hills sensitive stomach diet per the rescues recommendation and we've been trying to frequently feed him small meals to put some weight back on him.

also he hasn't been bathed in forever. his coat feels grimy and has literal visible dirt on it. I've been holding off on the bath because I don't want to stress him but. YEESH. these guys....

 

[Shalista]

Just gave him his bath because I couldn't take it anymore. he tolerated it super well. I used a scoop to scoop water up to wet and rinse him because I knew the sprayer could be a little scary. he didn't enjoy it but didn't fight me on it either and he LOVED getting dried off with a towel and brushed afterward. lost his body weight in fur. His back paws are still a little crusty but I got the bulk of his coat good. I didn't want to do a really deep clean and stress him out too much.

 

[JudyN]

Oh no, I'm shocked to read this - I've known you and Bax for a few years across a couple of forums. Thank goodness you and your husband are OK, but you must still be reeling from it all. And when you lose a dog, grief bites HARD (((((Hugs))))))

Solomon has been with you such a short time, and has probably come with a lot of baggage. For now, I would let him follow you everywhere. He can't learn to be independent until he feels safe, and at the moment he doesn't feel safe - he's been passed from pillar to post and has no idea that this will be his forever home. Although he's not a puppy, you might find this helpful: Your new puppy: the first few nights

It sounds like you're doing the right thing in avoiding people and other dogs, and trying to keep his focus on you - if you can, walk him in quieter areas, at least for now, to keep his stress levels as low as possible while he settles in. And if it works, I would absolutely use treats on walks to help distract him and reinforce him for keeping his attention on you. The advantage of him being very food motivated is that you only have to give him the teeniest treats. Before long, chances are he'll spot a dog some way off and immediately turn to you - 'Where's my treat, Mum?' Hopefully cupboard love will help Joel win him over too.

For the door dashing, for now, I'd try to install a second barrier - maybe something like a dog playpen opened up and put across the hallway (depending on your layout). Think of it as an air lock - you ONLY open the front door when Solomon is on the other side of the playpen. Alternatively, put him on a lead whenever you need to open the door - if necessary put a sign on the door along the lines of 'May be a delay in opening while I sort out the new dog' or something...

 

[Shalista]

we are very fortunate that 2/3 of our doors to leave the house have a vestibule area so they come pre installed with that kind of air lock and the third only goes to the back yard that has a fence.

we definitely have him on a lead any time he leaves the house, even going into the garden. (fence isn't GREAT. )

he's a weird one, on the one hand he's so affectionate and obviously potty trained so I know he was loved by someone. but on the other hand he has no concept of the "scoot". id tell bax "Scoot scoot!" and nudge him with my foot he'd get out of my way or back up. solomon just keeps on trying to get out the door lol. did I just accidentally step on bax more so he knew to dodge my clodd hopping feet? haha.

knowing that he was staying for an extended stay at the doggy boarding place hits my heart HARD. he didn't even have a foster for the last couple of weeks. he truly was as homeless as we were. (we're currently staying in a pet friendly rental home that insurance is paying for while the house gets rebuilt).

I'll definitely have to check out that new puppy thread. i was initially very worried because he's sleeping so much. he slept the whole two hour car ride home and then any time I sat down at home he'd immediately plop and sleep instantaneously. he's still exhibiting similar behavior but he's got a bit more spark and pep to his step today.

 

[JudyN]

There will be time to train 'Go to your bed,' 'Move your butt,' or whatever in the future. We get so used to the words that our previous dogs understood that we can be taken aback when we say something to a different dog and they seem clueless.

 

[Shalista]

that puppy thread was a HUGE help. just assuring me that I'm not doing anything wrong by letting Solomon velcro. i also feel better because I read the "flitting" article and realized I already accidentally did this with him when I was unpacking a bunch of boxes and he eventually just settled in his bed and fell asleep while I moved from room to room so I have faith that I'm not doing any permanent damage and creating separation anxiety by what I'm doing now.

I'm going back to work tomorrow (joel will still be working from home) any tips to help that transition go smoothly so he doesn't feel like he's getting abandoned all over again?

 

[JudyN]

Hopefully Joel will be able to distract him with walks, games, and treats. Good luck!

 

[Hemlock]

Shalista, I am so sorry for your sadness. What an awful experience you have been through.

Solomon's troubles - what a lot of unhappiness he has been through as well - will resolve in his own time, and "knowing" you from another Board in the past, I have every confidence that you and he will shake down to a great team in time. How much time nobody can be sure. Baby steps.

 

[JoanneF]

I just wanted to add my condolences and best wishes.

 

[Shalista]

Today was my first day at work. all my fears about him being to attached to me were unfounded. joel put a bed for him in his office and solomon slept all day with him no problem.

a part of me feels guilty for how EASY he is. i struggled so hard with bax and while he definitely grew and blossomed he was never what I would call an EASY dog. Solomon is just such a good boi and I've only had him what, three days? it took years and years of blood sweat and struggle to help bax heal. solomon just came to us prepackaged as a very good boi. and I feel a little bit guilty about that for some reason.

 

[Shalista]

Turns out I spoke too soon. Solomon was playing with Papa and just unleashed a FLURRY of humping and (admittedly very gentle) open-mouthed mouthing behaviors. I'm sitting with my feet tucked up on the chair and he's literally staring at me whining and humping the air.

I'm still caulking it up for the most part to stress (it is only day three). he doesn't seem overly excited right now? he keeps settling into a down on his mat and then getting up to try to hump me again.

so far I'm mostly stepping out of his ahem. embrace. and ignoring him. then when he demonstrates calm behaviors or redirects elsewhere I praise him excessively but gently and softly. if he goes into a down near me I do gentle pets and soft words of encouragement to try to help him calm down.

any other tips? honestly, this looks like classic puppy behavior to me but he's almost six so I'm kinda surprised to see it. maybe he's regressing in age a bit because of all the stress with the new home?


























........is it wrong that I'm actually happy he's not so perfect after all?

 

[Hemlock]

Humping is a common stress release. Sounds to me that he is working through a lot of trauma in a perfectly normal manner. Obviously humping in a human society is a big NO, so I suggest you carry on exactly as you are, because keeping everything calm is - a stress release. Your instincts are sound and you are doing exactly right. But humping has to be "replaced" by a more acceptable stress release - I suggest chewing, and tearing up cardboard box puzzles, but not when he is in hump mode as he could link the two. So - hump mode, carry on as you are doing, but pre-empt stress build-up at times you can see it beginning or at those times when you find he often gets anxious, by giving him something to chew or rip up.

 

[JoanneF]

You might find this helpful -

Humping | Positively.com

Humping is a much misunderstood behavior. Many people think that humping is a purely sexual activity, but humping/mounting also happens when dogs get excited, during play, when they are anxious, to manage movement or as a displacement behavior.

positively.com

 

[JudyN]

........is it wrong that I'm actually happy he's not so perfect after all?

I've been pondering this, because I know what you mean. My first thought was that an 'easy' dog is a bit like buying an Airfix kit, or a puzzle, and finding it's just to easy. Meh, where's the challenge in that? And then I wondered if having an easy dog made you worry that you'd value him so much for being easy, that you feel you're comparing him to your previous, difficult dog and finding him 'better', though you couldn't actually have loved your 'difficult' dog more. But hubby reckons it's because you put so much work into the difficult dog, and focus on him so much, that your two minds are almost one... With an amenable dog, you worry that you should be doing more, that there's something he's missing out on but isn't letting you know because he doesn't realise he can. I feel like this with the dog we look after one day a week - worrying about whether he's actually happy as he snoozes under my chair, or whether he's just killing time till he goes back to his Mum. Dogs like Bax or Jasper would always let you know if something wasn't quite right in their world!

 

[Shalista]

I've been pondering this, because I know what you mean. My first thought was that an 'easy' dog is a bit like buying an Airfix kit, or a puzzle, and finding it's just to easy. Meh, where's the challenge in that? And then I wondered if having an easy dog made you worry that you'd value him so much for being easy, that you feel you're comparing him to your previous, difficult dog and finding him 'better', though you couldn't actually have loved your 'difficult' dog more. But hubby reckons it's because you put so much work into the difficult dog, and focus on him so much, that your two minds are almost one... With an amenable dog, you worry that you should be doing more, that there's something he's missing out on but isn't letting you know because he doesn't realise he can. I feel like this with the dog we look after one day a week - worrying about whether he's actually happy as he snoozes under my chair, or whether he's just killing time till he goes back to his Mum. Dogs like Bax or Jasper would always let you know if something wasn't quite right in their world!

yeah i think i was worried because I put SO much work into bax we just had this incredible bond. he was a real person to us with complex needs and desires. when solomon (now renamed freddie) came he was so easy we didn't feel like we would be able to bond with him. he felt more like a piece of furniture if that makes sense.

 

[JudyN]

yeah i think i was worried because I put SO much work into bax we just had this incredible bond. he was a real person to us with complex needs and desires. when solomon (now renamed freddie) came he was so easy we didn't feel like we would be able to bond with him. he felt more like a piece of furniture if that makes sense.

Yes, absolutely! I'm sure that connection will come as you and Freddie get to know each other better.

 

[Shalista]

Joel put it perfectly last night "baxter was our SON. Freddie is still a pet."