Autobiography

[milly]

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hope this book is done on time mr fleatcher i have had that many phone calls the last couple of days this could be a best seller.getting a lot of intrest from the boys in ireland can you let me know why they keep calling you the fastest slipper in the west.

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Best ask Tommy Riley

 

[nettle]

Hello everyone,I'm new here,but I've been looking at this forum as a guest and I couldn't beleive my eyes!These tales were nearly on par with the Royale Family I'm still grinning to myself even now!!This is typical working class humour,and I can't wait to purchase the book.All the best with it :luck: :luck:

Jaynexx

 

[milly]

[SIZE=14pt]Stew & Dumplings[/SIZE]

In January 1968,some new neighbours arrived next door to Tommy.

They seemed really nice people,a young couple with no children,who came from Durham.

Tommy became quite friendly with them.

I popped round one day and Tommy was in a foul mood.

"That effin bugs bunny"he said"If it comes into my garden once more,I swear it will be the last time,cos I'll effin kill it!"

Apparently the new folks had a pet rabbit called 'Snowy',and it kept getting into Tommys garden and scratching up his lawn.

"It's effin massive Fletch,a big New Zealand White!"

I'm sure you've heard me mention Joan(Tommys niece)and Michael(her other half).Well they were always round at Tommys,having a cuppa with him.They had recently aquired a rough coated lurchercalled 'Ben',a lovely dog,so well-behaved.

This particular Friday,I popped in to see Tommy and as per usual Joan and Michael were there with 'Ben'the lurcher.

"Something smells good Tommy"I said

"Yes,I've got the stew pot on,Carrots,onions,potatoes and a nice bit of shin beef"he said proudly.

"Mmm,smells lovely,Tom",I said,my mouth watering.

I just thought he'd been down to the local butchers ,as most people would.

We all sat there ,having the crack,and a cuppa when I heard a knock on the front door."Get that Fletch,if it's Whiffy Smith I'm out cos I owe him a fiver!"he said in a hushed voice

I went to the door,and stood there on the step,in floods of tears were Denise and Gary from next door."You haven't seen our Snowy hopping about?"sobbed Gary.

"Tommy,"I yelled "It's Gary and Dee,Have you seen their Snowy?.

I realised straight away what had happened!The aroma which had greeted me on entering tommys,wasn't shin beef at all!!

No ,it was poor old Snowy!!

Tommy appeared down the hallway

Whats up mate,you've lost Snowy?"

"If I see him hopping about Dee I'll bring him round to yours"lied Tommy.

"Cheers Tommy,you're a good un"said Gaz

Then Tommy piped up

"Do you both want to stay for abit of tea,theres loads to go round?"

"No thanks"said Dee,Gazs'too upset to eat,and I don't think I could eat anything either,although it smells great".

I later found out what had really happened to 'Snowy'

He had escaped into Tommys back garden,and a raging Tommy,accidently on purpose let 'Ben'out,knowing full well what would happen

Tommy buried the evidence in his graveyard (Snowys nice white coat),alongside 'Lucky'the Whippet(poor Lucky),and 'Bonnie'the Jack Russell(poor Bonnie)

P.S We really enjoyed our rabbit stew,and so did 'Ben'the lurcher(poor Ben)

And Joan even made us some dumplings

 

[ahorsnall]

keep them coming geoff :thumbsup:

 

[miss mad]

only join because everyone been telling me about yoour storys, and what good ones they are :thumbsup:

 

[Paws123]

Poor Snowy jeff you are very heartless eating my Snowy (w00t)

keep the coming :thumbsup:

 

[milly]

only join because everyone been telling me about yoour storys, and what good ones they are  :thumbsup:

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If you want another story you can all choose between

Polly the parrot

or

Billy the budgie

 

[mutley]

Billy the budgie

 

[ahorsnall]

ill 2nd that gary

 

[nettle]

Polly the parrot please please please

Jayne

 

[wild whippies]

Billy the budgie! Come on I missed todays episode on my lunch!

 

[milly]

Sorry,Polly and Billy both have bird flu at the moment

If they receive enough get well wishes they may chirp up for Sunday

ps Poor Polly Poor Billy

 

[Fleesh]

Tommy didn't leave poor Polly and Billy out in the cold all night did he ? You know when his niece Joan and her other half Micheal came round for the evening ?



Get well soon little birdies - I can hear Tommy digging your hole already :blink:

 

[milly]

I hope you're not having a dig at Tommy.

ps If Polly and Billy don't get enough well wishes,Tommy will be mixing the stuffing.............but thats another story!!

 

[wild whippies]

So if we send them well wishes they won't end up under the apple tree then??!! :- "

Come on Geoff I'm poorly too, I'll be sat at home while you lot are all racing tomorrow

There's an A4 pik of your dog in it for you if you tell us about Polly and Billy

 

[Paws123]

I had a look in here every 2 hours today...no bloody story

 

[milly]

Coming soon the adventures of Tommy Riley & Ricky Bentley (poor Ricky)

 

[Paws123]

Jeff was hard at it today with a note pad and pen, i seen him writing away quite content, sure he was working on his new book

 

[milly]

Is that Ricky in the back ground scratching is arse?

 

[Paws123]

(w00t) LOOKS LIKE IT ......LINDA GET THE WORMING TABLETS OUT...RICKYS GOT WORMS :unsure: