- Messages
- 42
- Reaction score
- 0
- Points
- 0
an old irish saying - where ever u r going dont take an eget whith u becuse u can always pick one up when you get there lol 
The Most Dog Friendly Community Online
Join Dog Forum to Discuss Breeds, Training, Food and More
Daft Jokes
- Thread starter Daniel.L.A
- Start date
- Messages
- 42
- Reaction score
- 0
- Points
- 0
A man walks into a bar and asks the bartender, "If I show you a really good trick, will you give me a free drink?" The bartender considers it, and then agrees. The man reaches into his pocket and pulls out a tiny rat. He reaches into his other pocket and pulls out a tiny piano. The rat stretches, cracks his knuckles, and proceeds to play the blues.
After the man finished his drink, he asked the bartender, "If I show you an even better trick, will you give me free drinks for the rest of the evening?" The bartender agrees, thinking that no trick could possibly be better than the first. The man reaches into his pocket and pulls out a tiny rat. He reaches into his other pocket and pulls out a tiny piano. The rat stretches, cracks his knuckles, and proceeds to play the blues. The man reaches into another pocket and pulls out a small bullfrog, which begins to sing along with the rat's music.
While the man is enjoying his free drinks, a stranger confronts him and offers him £100,000 for the bullfrog. "Sorry," the man replies, "he's not for sale." The stranger increases the offer to £250,000 cash up front. "No," he insists, "he's not for sale." The stranger again increases the offer, this time to £500,000 cash. The man finally agrees, and turns the frog over to the stranger in exchange for the money.
"Are you insane?" the bartender demanded. "That frog could have been worth millions to you, and you let him go for a mere £500,000!"
"Don't worry about it." the man answered. "The frog was really nothing special. You see, the rat's a ventriloquist."
:clown:
After the man finished his drink, he asked the bartender, "If I show you an even better trick, will you give me free drinks for the rest of the evening?" The bartender agrees, thinking that no trick could possibly be better than the first. The man reaches into his pocket and pulls out a tiny rat. He reaches into his other pocket and pulls out a tiny piano. The rat stretches, cracks his knuckles, and proceeds to play the blues. The man reaches into another pocket and pulls out a small bullfrog, which begins to sing along with the rat's music.
While the man is enjoying his free drinks, a stranger confronts him and offers him £100,000 for the bullfrog. "Sorry," the man replies, "he's not for sale." The stranger increases the offer to £250,000 cash up front. "No," he insists, "he's not for sale." The stranger again increases the offer, this time to £500,000 cash. The man finally agrees, and turns the frog over to the stranger in exchange for the money.
"Are you insane?" the bartender demanded. "That frog could have been worth millions to you, and you let him go for a mere £500,000!"
"Don't worry about it." the man answered. "The frog was really nothing special. You see, the rat's a ventriloquist."
:clown:
- Messages
- 1,910
- Reaction score
- 1
- Points
- 0
nice one. :lol:
- Messages
- 2,422
- Reaction score
- 0
- Points
- 0
NICE ONE DAN :lol:
- Messages
- 42
- Reaction score
- 0
- Points
- 0
A man walks into a pub and sits down next to a man with a dog at his feet. "Does your dog bite?"
"No."
A few minutes later the dog takes a huge chunk out of his leg.
"I thought you said your dog didn't bite!" the man says indignantly.
"That's not my dog."
got more for u later lol
"No."
A few minutes later the dog takes a huge chunk out of his leg.
"I thought you said your dog didn't bite!" the man says indignantly.
"That's not my dog."
got more for u later lol
- Messages
- 3,982
- Reaction score
- 0
- Points
- 0
That ones old but the first one was a blinder, :lol: keep em coming, :thumbsup:
- Messages
- 42
- Reaction score
- 0
- Points
- 0
how do you play safe chess? put an condom on the bishop. :clown:
- Messages
- 42
- Reaction score
- 0
- Points
- 0
A drunken man staggers in to a Catholic church and sits down in a confession box and says nothing. The bewildered priest cough to attract his attention, but still the man says nothing.
The priest then knocks on the wall three times in a final attempt to get the man to speak.
Finally, the drunk replies, "No use knocking, there's no paper in this one either."
:b
The priest then knocks on the wall three times in a final attempt to get the man to speak.
Finally, the drunk replies, "No use knocking, there's no paper in this one either."
:b
- Messages
- 1,000
- Reaction score
- 0
- Points
- 0
haha thats well funny :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
- Messages
- 2,422
- Reaction score
- 0
- Points
- 0
thats about as funny as a tooth ache :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
- Messages
- 42
- Reaction score
- 0
- Points
- 0
so its a best joke comp lol
- Messages
- 2,422
- Reaction score
- 0
- Points
- 0
dan im useless with jokes you can see that :lol:
- Messages
- 42
- Reaction score
- 0
- Points
- 0
At COMDEX Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated: "If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving twenty-five dollar cars that got 1000 miles to the gallon."
In response to Bill's comments, General Motors issued a press release stating (by Mr. Welch himself):
If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics:
• For no reason whatsoever your car would crash twice a day.
• Every time they repainted the lines on the road you would have to buy a new car.
• Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason, and you would just accept this, restart and drive on.
• Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn, would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall the engine.
• Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, reliable, five times as fast, and twice as easy to drive, but it would only run on five percent of the roads.
• The oil, water temperature and alternator warning lights would be replaced by a single "general car default" warning light.
• New seats would force everyone to have the same size butt.
• The airbag system would say "Are you sure?" before going off.
• Occasionally for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lift the door handle, turn the key, and grab hold of the radio antenna.
• GM would require all car buyers to also purchase a deluxe set of Rand McNally road maps (now a GM subsidiary), even though they neither need them nor want them. Attempting to delete this option would immediately cause the car's performance to diminish by 50% or more. Moreover, GM would become a target for investigation by the Justice Department.
• Everytime GM introduced a new model car buyers would have to learn how to drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as in the old car.
• You'd press the "start" button to shut off the engine.
In response to Bill's comments, General Motors issued a press release stating (by Mr. Welch himself):
If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics:
• For no reason whatsoever your car would crash twice a day.
• Every time they repainted the lines on the road you would have to buy a new car.
• Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason, and you would just accept this, restart and drive on.
• Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn, would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall the engine.
• Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, reliable, five times as fast, and twice as easy to drive, but it would only run on five percent of the roads.
• The oil, water temperature and alternator warning lights would be replaced by a single "general car default" warning light.
• New seats would force everyone to have the same size butt.
• The airbag system would say "Are you sure?" before going off.
• Occasionally for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lift the door handle, turn the key, and grab hold of the radio antenna.
• GM would require all car buyers to also purchase a deluxe set of Rand McNally road maps (now a GM subsidiary), even though they neither need them nor want them. Attempting to delete this option would immediately cause the car's performance to diminish by 50% or more. Moreover, GM would become a target for investigation by the Justice Department.
• Everytime GM introduced a new model car buyers would have to learn how to drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as in the old car.
• You'd press the "start" button to shut off the engine.
- Messages
- 42
- Reaction score
- 0
- Points
- 0
A man walks into a doctor's office and says, "I have a problem with my dick!"
The lady at the counter says, "Sir, we do not say words like that at the doctors office! Now leave and come back and replace "Dick" with some other body part like "Ear."
The man does as he's told and comes back in and says, "I have a problem with my ear."
The lady the says, "What is that?"
To which the man replied, "I can't **** out of it!"
The lady at the counter says, "Sir, we do not say words like that at the doctors office! Now leave and come back and replace "Dick" with some other body part like "Ear."
The man does as he's told and comes back in and says, "I have a problem with my ear."
The lady the says, "What is that?"
To which the man replied, "I can't **** out of it!"
- Messages
- 42
- Reaction score
- 0
- Points
- 0
A man walks into a doctor's office and says, "I have a problem with my dick!"
The lady at the counter says, "Sir, we do not say words like that at the doctors office! Now leave and come back and replace "Dick" with some other body part like "Ear."
The man does as he's told and comes back in and says, "I have a problem with my ear."
The lady the says, "What is that?"
To which the man replied, "I can't **** out of it!"
The lady at the counter says, "Sir, we do not say words like that at the doctors office! Now leave and come back and replace "Dick" with some other body part like "Ear."
The man does as he's told and comes back in and says, "I have a problem with my ear."
The lady the says, "What is that?"
To which the man replied, "I can't **** out of it!"
LOL :lol:
P M S L :teehee:A man walks into a doctor's office and says, "I have a problem with my dick!"
The lady at the counter says, "Sir, we do not say words like that at the doctors office! Now leave and come back and replace "Dick" with some other body part like "Ear."
The man does as he's told and comes back in and says, "I have a problem with my ear."
The lady the says, "What is that?"
To which the man replied, "I can't **** out of it!"
LOL (w00t)A man walks into a pub and sits down next to a man with a dog at his feet. "Does your dog bite?"
"No."
A few minutes later the dog takes a huge chunk out of his leg.
"I thought you said your dog didn't bite!" the man says indignantly.
"That's not my dog."
got more for u later lol
Welcome to Dog Forum!
Join our vibrant online community dedicated to all things canine. Whether you're a seasoned owner or new to the world of dogs, our forum is your go-to hub for sharing stories, seeking advice, and connecting with fellow dog lovers. From training tips to health concerns, we cover it all. Register now and unleash the full potential of your dog-loving experience!
Login or Register