Fao Sarahloveland

[Painted Lady]

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A couple just got married and on the night of their honeymoon before passionate love, the wife tells the husband, "Please be gentile, I'm still a virgin." The husband being shocked, replied, "How's this possible? You've been married three times before." The wife responds, "Well, my first husband was a gynecologist and all he wanted to do was look at it. My second husband was a psychiatrist and all he wanted to do was talk about it. Finally, my third husband was a stamp collector and all he wanted to do was...oh, do I miss him!"

 

[Painted Lady]

The family wheeled Grandma out on the lawn, in her wheelchair, where the activities for her 100th birthday were taking place.

Grandma couldn't speak very well, but she could write notes when she needed to communicate.

After a short time out on the lawn, Grandma started leaning off to the right, so some family members grabbed her, straightened her up and

Stuffed pillows on her right.

A short time later, she started leaning off to her left, so again the family grabbed her and stuffed pillows on her left.

Soon she started leaning forward, so the family members again grabbed her and tied a pillowcase around her waist to hold her up.

A grandson, who arrived late, came up to Grandma and said, "Hi, Grandma; you're looking good! How are they treating you?"

Grandma took out her little notepad and slowly wrote a note to the grandson, "They won't let me fart."

 

[Painted Lady]

Q; What three words can totally deflate a man's ego?

A: Is it in?

 

[Painted Lady]

In a small town, an elderly couple had been dating each other for a long time.

At the urging of their friends, they decided it was finally time for marriage.

Before the wedding, they went out to dinner and had a long conversation regarding how their marriage might work.

They discussed finances, living arrangements and so on.

Finally, the old gentleman decided it was time to broach the subject of their physical relationship.

"How do you feel about sex?" he asked, rather trustingly.

"Well," she said, responding very carefully, "I'd have to say... I would like it infrequently. "

The old gentleman sat quietly for a moment, then over his glasses, he looked her in the eye and casually asked ............

"Is that one word or two?"

 

[Painted Lady]

Two 90 year olds had been dating for a while, when the man told the woman, "Well, tonight's the night we have sex!"

And so they did.

As they are lying in bed afterward, the man thinks to himself, "My God, if I knew she was a virgin, I would have been much more gentle with her!"

And the woman was thinking to herself, "My God, if I knew the old geezer could actually get it up, I would have taken off my panty hose!"

 

[Painted Lady]

A man is in a hotel lobby. He wants to ask the clerk a question. As he turns to go to the front desk, he accidentally bumps into a woman beside him and as he does, his elbow goes into her breast.

They are both quite startled. The man turns to her and says, "Ma'am, if your heart is as soft as your breast, I know you'll forgive me."

She replies, "If your penis is as hard as your elbow, I'm in room 436."

 

[hely]

[SIZE=21pt] (w00t) (w00t) (w00t) (w00t) (w00t) [/SIZE]

sooooooo funny, i have just copied them and sent them to mum and sister :thumbsup:

 

[Painted Lady]

[SIZE=21pt]**** bored hely...got nance home poorly...have to wait for maxine to come and look after her so i can walk whips...how is betsy?[/SIZE]

 

[hely]

[SIZE=21pt]a wee bit better, but still not at school, i feel like shit as well, got major greasy hair :x and need to wash it before i go down town.........bill has 2 feking party's to go to this weekend, and i havent got any presents yet :wacko: ...........so i need to find some energy to get of my butt and sort my life out....................[/SIZE]

hope nance feels better soon :huggles:

 

[Painted Lady]

[SIZE=21pt]the more i sit here the less i want to do now....dying for a coffee but cant be frigged to do one....[/SIZE]

 

[hely]

[SIZE=21pt]im the same sarah.........it will get to about 2pm and i will be cursing myself for being a greasy haired lazy bitch :blink: [/SIZE]

 

[Painted Lady]

[SIZE=21pt]weight crisis goin on here too...back on the adios[/SIZE]

 

[hely]

[SIZE=21pt]oh dear...........thats all those choc animals youve been scoffing (w00t) [/SIZE]

i havent eaten for 2 days..........lost 3lb :thumbsup: (the only good thing about being ill)

does that stuff work sarah?

 

[hely]

[SIZE=21pt]right i think i can feel a splurge of energy.............gonna sort out my frying pan hair out, and go to the shops..................see ya later chuck :huggles: [/SIZE]

 

[Painted Lady]

[SIZE=21pt]yeah it does hely...mind you saying that i have appalling eating habits...i either pig out on shit or dont eat all....last night i didnt eat...done everyone a beef casserole with veg and roasties but didnt fancy it....maybe i need proffessional advice from the diet guru herself......[/SIZE]

aaarrrggghhhhhhhhhhh....go suck my arse mckeith!!!

 

[Painted Lady]

[SIZE=21pt]yeah..i better move my arse and get on...laters hunnybunny :* [/SIZE]

 

[hely]

[SIZE=21pt]cant feking stand the woman........................ :rant: [/SIZE]

laters hun :huggles:

 

[Painted Lady]

[SIZE=21pt]all alone...nobby no mates again..[/SIZE]

 

[Painted Lady]

[SIZE=21pt]oooh popmaster is on!! woohooo![/SIZE]

 

[trac]