Getting a puppy - need help PLEASE

[JudyN]

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It's not easy running a forum and trying to be fair to everyone, but I would just comment that when most people think the OP is likely to make a really bad decision, impacting both their life and (more importantly) a dogs, and they individually say what they think, this isn't 'ganging up'. It's people agreeing, and the more people who point out that it would be a bad idea, the more likely that the OP will think that maybe, as dog owners with varying levels of experience, they might just be right.

 

[Mayblossom]

The majority of us had the concerns and welfare of whichever dog the poster decided was for him. Encouraging him to take on a big dog , puppy or otherwise, having it walking up and down 3 flights of stairs during puppy or adulthood is not conducive to the well being of the dog I personally couldn’t see any positives having a dog in this situation.

 

[Mad Murphy]

@JudyN the problem was he didnt think ... JoanneF had already indicated that she had replied elsewhere before he came here, he then obviously ignored the advice they gave..when we didn't give the answer he wanted he moved to another forum and so it goes on...

Three forums three lots of people saying dont.. and yet.....

 

[JoanneF]

Quite aside from the discussion here, I would like to respond to this -

This doesn’t mean they shouldn’t be able to own a dog

I do think there are some people whose lifestyle means they absolutely should not own a dog. This poster - perhaps, but not the sort of dog they want. Which is what they are being advised.

 

[Josie]

I’m not saying that you shouldn’t give your opinions but for me there is a way of doing it. why should this person be banned from the forum for asking a question you don’t like? Or for asking it elsewhere?

If they keep going back and forth with replies you don’t like then why are people rising to it and engaging in more conversation?

If this person doesn’t want to listen then it’s clear they just want a reaction from people which is what they’ve achieved.

 

[Josie]

Quite aside from the discussion here, I would like to respond to this -


I do think there are some people whose lifestyle means they absolutely should not own a dog. This poster - perhaps, but not the sort of dog they want. Which is what they are being advised.

Of course and I totally agree but sometimes I think everyone is very quick to jump in and say ‘no you shouldn’t have a dog’ if that person says they have a job or live in a flat.
I lived in a third floor flat and raised a dog perfectly well.

 

[JoanneF]

why should this person be banned from the forum for asking a question you don’t like?

I don't think anyone suggested banning him?

 

[Josie]

Worded wrongly. ‘The why is this person Beneficial to this forum’ implies to me that one time posters should not be allowed on the forum or unless they bring something ‘beneficial’

 

[DixD]

I thought it was interesting that the original poster put a voting option on the thread re dog breeds, with no option for none of the above, which I think would probably have had overwhelming support. Please count me out of your “vibe” comment, AriRR. I’ve been on enough forums, arguing my side, and I always try to keep my comments or opinions emotionally neutral.

 

[Ari_RR]

We surely can have different perceptions, right? I was just sharing my own impression of the general “vibe”, not any particular responses..

 

[DixD]

Of course and I totally agree but sometimes I think everyone is very quick to jump in and say ‘no you shouldn’t have a dog’ if that person says they have a job or live in a flat.
I lived in a third floor flat and raised a dog perfectly well.

It can certainly be done, with commitment and a willingness to work round difficulties that this type of circumstance brings up, with the welfare of the dog being the most important issue. And, I am sure you were very committed to the welfare of your dog, and its physical and mental health requirements. This level of commitment and understanding of what would be required did not seem to be coming through in the OP’s posts. I think it was this issue that set off alarm bells in a lot of the responses.

 

[DixD]

We surely can have different perceptions, right? I was just sharing my own impression of the general “vibe”, not any particular responses..

Thank you for clarifying. Much appreciated.

 

[Ari_RR]

Assuming this was a real question from OP (not just an attempt to get everyone up in arms) - look, it’s good that he came in with the question. It’s really a good thing.

Whether the commentary will help him or not - hard to say, he seemed very determined... but I would hope there are others out there with similar thoughts and circumstances, who will read and think twice.

But this is just one episode, one post, one set of question and answers. If we are concerned about welfare of the dogs out there, we should welcome the opportunities to share our points of view. But it will only be helpful if there is audience listening. And in order to keep the listening audience - the “vibe” cannot be negative. Negative vibe turns the really interested listeners away, and instead brings in the folks who just enjoy creating drama and observing everyone arguing.

So, while we certainly do not intend to sound negative, and think that we keep our emotions out of our comments, it doesn’t really hurt to check how they are perceived by others. And if someone‘s perception is “it’s not great” - it’s also good. It should just give us some food for thought, not put us of the defensive, and maybe we can be a bit more encouraging, at least to come in with other questions that people might have.

All that said, I am not in any way an expert on forums.... so may well be totally off mark. Which is OK too!

 

[Mad Murphy]

You know what? im starting to feel bullied.. Ive given an honest opinion and now I'm a bully and a negative voice..

It seems we cant be honest without being called out for it. I was taught to tell the truth and I do this person asked for our opinion as members of this forum and I gave my honest opinion. I didn't call names I didn't use insults and yet suddenly I and others who voiced the same feeling are the bad guys... Im logging out for the day. Before I say or do anything rash but I have to say im hurt by the accusations when I did nothing but tell the truth.

 

[DixD]

You know what? im starting to feel bullied.. Ive given an honest opinion and now I'm a bully and a negative voice..

It seems we cant be honest without being called out for it. I was taught to tell the truth and I do this person asked for our opinion as members of this forum and I gave my honest opinion. I didn't call names I didn't use insults and yet suddenly I and others who voiced the same feeling are the bad guys... Im logging out for the day. Before I say or do anything rash but I have to say im hurt by the accusations when I did nothing but tell the truth.

That was my thoughts, exactly. I actually feel very disappointed by the way this issue has been handled When I join forums, I try to follow normal guidelines. If my post then gets deleted by the moderator, as it was felt not to be suitable, then I usually accept it. (sometimes, there are games going on, where people report your post, which gets automatically deleted, though sometimes it gets reinstated later. Usually, this goes on in media/political forums). If I feel particularly strongly about my post being deleted, I will write and ask why. Perhaps, there is a sticky with specific forum guidelines attached. If not, then perhaps there shoukd be, and the moderator can delete posts that are felt not to conform to them.

 

[DixD]

I found the forum rules. Basically, posters should use common sense, don’t be offensive, and keep it clean. Perhaps, they need overhauled a bit, if moderation requirements have changed.

 

[Finsky]

So, while we certainly do not intend to sound negative, and think that we keep our emotions out of our comments, it doesn’t really hurt to check how they are perceived by others. And if someone‘s perception is “it’s not great” - it’s also good. It should just give us some food for thought, not put us of the defensive, and maybe we can be a bit more encouraging, at least to come in with other questions that people might have.

I do understand what you are saying...but, we must be able to express ourselves without having to over paint potentially grey situation to pink. It is not being negative but showing one's concerns. When the original poster's reaction to well intended advise didn't yield understanding reaction, regardless in which manner/wording the same situation has been explained , but he carried on insisting his point of view...to me the tone in the following posts took more of 'desperation' feel.
Reading all the replies again....in no where I get the vibe that original poster is being shunned and I would certainly be interested to hear his point of view bit further.
I only express my opinion what I see on this forum and I'm not aware what is said else where.

 

[Ari_RR]

I find this all very interesting, being an armchair psychologist, and in real life having to collaborate daily with a very diverse culturally and geographically distributed team.

What we mean to say and what others hear may be very different things...

Seriously, thanks for all the comments and feedback on this topic, very educational for me personally. Never know where good food for though may come from...

 

[DixD]

I’m sure a real psychologist could come up with some very interesting observations ON US ALL, including the original poster, on this thread!

 

[Finsky]

I’m sure a real psychologist could come up with some very interesting observations ON US ALL, including the original poster, on this thread!

'cough'..don't push it! We don't want to invite such a ideas...one is much happier when not knowing