Grief of losing dog unbearable

[Ari_RR]

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Keep in mind - it’s the ones who are left that grieve, feel guilt, regrets, doubting themselves...
Your boy is in a place where there is no pain now.
But your family is right there, next to you. No one knows what tomorrow will bring. I would encourage you to focus your thoughts on the good times you’ve had, the love you gave each other, and turn attention to family.
Doubting and reliving your decisions serves no purpose. You did what you felt was best for him at the time, and that’s as much as anyone can possibly do for our friends.

We all would like to keep them around forever. But they deserve a good, happy life, not just struggling from one day to another because their humans can’t let go. The final act of love and devotion is probably the hardest one to do. You did it, and for that I am sure your boy is grateful. It’s time to let go, remember the good times from the past, and carry the memories into the future.

My thoughts are with you all.

 

[Mayblossom]

Also to make an appointment for something so dreadful seems to also be getting to me.

That is the worst appointment you had to make for him, I could hardly speak on the phone when I had to do it for Molly, I’m sure the receptionist thought she had a crazy woman on the line, sobbing my way through it but finally got there. Two weeks on and I’m starting to feel better although I have sad times when I miss her so much but deep down proud of myself that I was strong enough and selfless enough to make the right decision for her. Molly had a very good day just before we lost her but we knew it was a one off but so glad she enjoyed herself and I’ll remember her having fun.

 

[JoanneF]

That's a lovely photo @Mayblossom.

 

[Ttaylor45]

Thanks everyone. Still reading and re-reading replies. This morning I was feeling I had done the right thing, but then this afternoon I reverted back to questioning everything.

The image I cant get out my head (and i filmed it with my phone) was of him burying his bone in his bed about hour before vet turned up to euthanize him. I feel he wasnt dying if he could do that. However, he was severely anemic and not responding to meds, had IBD and PLE and suspected vasculitis. I had stopped his meds on the day and so perhaps with no meds and all his forbidden treats he had had a burst of energy. I'm trying to be logical and say ti myself that tomorrow he would have had a very bad day and would suffer. Also may be he wasnt in dying phase as I've read so much about dying signs and he still ate meat, chewed bone, wasnt incontinent and was drinking water.

I know he was ill and sad and couldn't get comfortable and didnt/couldn't go on walks and had to be carried the day before to go any distance. Also his test results were dire! But now I'm scaring myself that I got confused and misread signs. Although for 20 months I'd been taking care of all his medical needs and had several vets say nothing more could be done so I felt I couldn't just keep him going for me and he was not good on so many meds and supplements.....atopica, prednisone, b12, antibiotics, some paste to stop his diorreah, trental, omeprazole, cosmofer injections, ferrous sulphate, vitamin c, vsl#3.

Sorry I'm repeating myself probably. I just cant believe my boy has gone. What happened to my brain? Why did I give up on him after fighting so hard to keep him going?

I did feel over the weekend that he might not make it until the appointment for euthanasia as he seemed so poorly then but now my mind is saying he wasnt that poorly just a bad day!!! So confused.

As I said in my earlier post I lost both my darling boys last year and like you I spent the last nearly 2 years giving Pepe lots of medication every day. He too had anaemia in 2017 which was treated With Prednisone for 10 months and also omeprazole. He then injured his front paw which had to be lanced and bandaged many times at the vets I think this was caused by a sharp piece of grit which allowed small pieces to enter into the pad which was flushed out many times. He was then diagnosed with cataracts which were going to be removed by Optivet in Havant but he developed glaucoma so it couldn’t be done. The glaucoma was managed with eye drops given several times a day and long trips to Optivet every few weeks. Then to cap it all he was diagnosed with kidney disease
So was on blood pressure tablets as well. I have found it very hard to accept his loss as I went from having loads of medication to give(I kept a diary) so I didn’t miss any doses
and lots of visits to the vets, to nothing. I know he is in a much better place free from his illnesses and also being virtually blind but I miss him and Rusty so much.They were my world. Sorry for the rambling post but as you can see I feel just as badly as you do. It just goes to show how much we loved our dogs.

 

[Murphy11]

Keep in mind - it’s the ones who are left that grieve, feel guilt, regrets, doubting themselves...
Your boy is in a place where there is no pain now.
But your family is right there, next to you. No one knows what tomorrow will bring. I would encourage you to focus your thoughts on the good times you’ve had, the love you gave each other, and turn attention to family.
Doubting and reliving your decisions serves no purpose. You did what you felt was best for him at the time, and that’s as much as anyone can possibly do for our friends.

We all would like to keep them around forever. But they deserve a good, happy life, not just struggling from one day to another because their humans can’t let go. The final act of love and devotion is probably the hardest one to do. You did it, and for that I am sure your boy is grateful. It’s time to let go, remember the good times from the past, and carry the memories into the future.

My thoughts are with you all.

Thank you. I'm going to focus on family like you say and the good times as much as I can. My little girl said yesterday.....mummy why are you still crying, Murphy wanted to die. I found her words quite comforting....from the mouth of babes

 

[Murphy11]

View attachment 111978382
That is the worst appointment you had to make for him, I could hardly speak on the phone when I had to do it for Molly, I’m sure the receptionist thought she had a crazy woman on the line, sobbing my way through it but finally got there. Two weeks on and I’m starting to feel better although I have sad times when I miss her so much but deep down proud of myself that I was strong enough and selfless enough to make the right decision for her. Molly had a very good day just before we lost her but we knew it was a one off but so glad she enjoyed herself and I’ll remember her having fun.

Thank you. I've been watching some videos on you tube of dog's final walks which has helped too. It is comforting to see that it is ok for dogs to still be displaying normal behaviours on their last day. I can reframe my upset over bone burying to a happy memory and not a sad one x

 

[Murphy11]

View attachment 111978382
That is the worst appointment you had to make for him, I could hardly speak on the phone when I had to do it for Molly, I’m sure the receptionist thought she had a crazy woman on the line, sobbing my way through it but finally got there. Two weeks on and I’m starting to feel better although I have sad times when I miss her so much but deep down proud of myself that I was strong enough and selfless enough to make the right decision for her. Molly had a very good day just before we lost her but we knew it was a one off but so glad she enjoyed herself and I’ll remember her having fun.

Love the photo.....gorgeous doggie.....I tried to upload Murphy pic but said was too big

 

[Murphy11]

As I said in my earlier post I lost both my darling boys last year and like you I spent the last nearly 2 years giving Pepe lots of medication every day. He too had anaemia in 2017 which was treated With Prednisone for 10 months and also omeprazole. He then injured his front paw which had to be lanced and bandaged many times at the vets I think this was caused by a sharp piece of grit which allowed small pieces to enter into the pad which was flushed out many times. He was then diagnosed with cataracts which were going to be removed by Optivet in Havant but he developed glaucoma so it couldn’t be done. The glaucoma was managed with eye drops given several times a day and long trips to Optivet every few weeks. Then to cap it all he was diagnosed with kidney disease
So was on blood pressure tablets as well. I have found it very hard to accept his loss as I went from having loads of medication to give(I kept a diary) so I didn’t miss any doses
and lots of visits to the vets, to nothing. I know he is in a much better place free from his illnesses and also being virtually blind but I miss him and Rusty so much.They were my world. Sorry for the rambling post but as you can see I feel just as badly as you do. It just goes to show how much we loved our dogs.

Thank you for your reply. Your words really made sense when you said it went from so much meds and vets visits to nothing. I think that has also added to the pain as like you with Pepe, I was nursing him through his sick health daily and then abruptly it ended. I once slept downstairs with him in Feb for 3 weeks as during a bad episode he couldn't get upstairs and then one night my hubby said I should sleep upstairs and he would sleep on the couch next to Murphy........well, when I woke up in bed the next morning, Murphy was upstairs on my hubby's side of the bed with hubby still downstairs. Lol. He was so funny.

 

[Ttaylor45]

Thank you for your reply. Your words really made sense when you said it went from so much meds and vets visits to nothing. I think that has also added to the pain as like you with Pepe, I was nursing him through his sick health daily and then abruptly it ended. I once slept downstairs with him in Feb for 3 weeks as during a bad episode he couldn't get upstairs and then one night my hubby said I should sleep upstairs and he would sleep on the couch next to Murphy........well, when I woke up in bed the next morning, Murphy was upstairs on my hubby's side of the bed with hubby still downstairs. Lol. He was so funny.

Pepe slept in his basket in our room most of his last year as he had lost nearly all his sight and I couldn’t bear to think of him sleeping alone in the kitchen anymore after we lost Rusty in May last year. They both slept in our room from February last year as we were having our kitchen refitted and I didn’t have the heart to move them back downstairs after it was finished.

 

[Murphy11]

Pepe slept in his basket in our room most of his last year as he had lost nearly all his sight and I couldn’t bear to think of him sleeping alone in the kitchen anymore after we lost Rusty in May last year. They both slept in our room from February last year as we were having our kitchen refitted and I didn’t have the heart to move them back downstairs after it was finished.

Awwwww, that's lovely he was so close. Murphy mostly liked to sleep on our bed for first part of night then downstairs. But he couldn't get upstairs in last few weeks and if we carried him he just sat on bed looking sad.

 

[Ttaylor45]

Awwwww, that's lovely he was so close. Murphy mostly liked to sleep on our bed for first part of night then downstairs. But he couldn't get upstairs in last few weeks and if we carried him he just sat on bed looking sad.

We used to carry Pepe upstairs as well but that was because of his eyesight I was afraid he would fall whereas Rusty although older soon cottoned on that he was allowed to sleep in our room and he would take himself up there as soon as we turned the tv off cheeky monkey. I am beginning to remember the funny things they did more as time passes it is 8 months today since we lost Pepe and 14 months on Wednesday since we lost Rusty. Rusty was very much a mummy’s boy and would refuse to walk if I didn’t hold his lead and if we had to pick them up he would make a big fuss and struggle if my husband tried to carry him. Pepe fortunately was ok for hubby to pick him up and hold the lead on walks which was just as well. As I may of already said I am hoping to get a new toy poodle puppy later this year from the same breeder I have already been in touch and said I would definitely like a boy puppy from the next litter if she has one. I can’t wait.

 

[Murphy11]

We used to carry Pepe upstairs as well but that was because of his eyesight I was afraid he would fall whereas Rusty although older soon cottoned on that he was allowed to sleep in our room and he would take himself up there as soon as we turned the tv off cheeky monkey. I am beginning to remember the funny things they did more as time passes it is 8 months today since we lost Pepe and 14 months on Wednesday since we lost Rusty. Rusty was very much a mummy’s boy and would refuse to walk if I didn’t hold his lead and if we had to pick them up he would make a big fuss and struggle if my husband tried to carry him. Pepe fortunately was ok for hubby to pick him up and hold the lead on walks which was just as well. As I may of already said I am hoping to get a new toy poodle puppy later this year from the same breeder I have already been in touch and said I would definitely like a boy puppy from the next litter if she has one. I can’t wait.

That's funny Rusty running up the stairs when the tv went off as Murphy used to do that......raced up!!

 

[Ttaylor45]

That's funny Rusty running up the stairs when the tv went off as Murphy used to do that......raced up!!

It just goes to show how clever they were doesn’t it. What breed was Murphy? Rusty also used to pinch socks and always took them to the back of the table trouble was Pepe would always take me to him when he could still see well, he was like a goody too shoes whereas Rusty was very cheeky, but I adored them both the same. Rusty was the taller one in the photo. I would really like to get two dogs again but have agreed with my husband we will get one to start with and see how we go.

 

[Murphy11]

It just goes to show how clever they were doesn’t it. What breed was Murphy? Rusty also used to pinch socks and always took them to the back of the table trouble was Pepe would always take me to him when he could still see well, he was like a goody too shoes whereas Rusty was very cheeky, but I adored them both the same. Rusty was the taller one in the photo. I would really like to get two dogs again but have agreed with my husband we will get one to start with and see how we go.

It was so lovely the dogs had each other. Murphy was a Tibetan Terrier. I will try again to upload a pic.

Struggling today as week since we let him go. Trying not to blame myself and blame the disease which took him away from me. Also sad I'll never take a new photo of him again.

 

[Murphy11]

 

[Murphy11]

View attachment 111978387

Hurray.......he uploaded. Good boy Murphy x x

 

[Murphy11]

 

[Ttaylor45]

It was so lovely the dogs had each other. Murphy was a Tibetan Terrier. I will try again to upload a pic.

Struggling today as week since we let him go. Trying not to blame myself and blame the disease which took him away from me. Also sad I'll never take a new photo of him again.

I know how hard it is I still say to my husband it’s so many months on the 8th of each month since we lost Pepe and on the 10th of the month for Rusty I hope it will help to get another pup or two if i can persuade hubby again. Your Murphy had a lovely face.

 

[Murphy11]

I know how hard it is I still say to my husband it’s so many months on the 8th of each month since we lost Pepe and on the 10th of the month for Rusty I hope it will help to get another pup or two if i can persuade hubby again. Your Murphy had a lovely face.

So lovely to hear from people who loved their dogs so deeply too. Murphy loved the camera lol. A lady in Scotland where we went on holiday once shouted down the road "he is the Brad Pitt of the dog world". Lol x

 

[Murphy11]

So lovely to hear from people who loved their dogs so deeply too. Murphy loved the camera lol. A lady in Scotland where we went on holiday once shouted down the road "he is the Brad Pitt of the dog world". Lol x

And he knew it. Lol