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Grieving desperately for my dog

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Sending hugs also...xx
We have a bit in the general lounge and discussions section called 'A Memory To The Ones We Love' if you feel like sharing or just having a look. Don't ever feel like you're alone, we are all here and we do understand and can empathise x
I was searching for help on the internet after losing my beautiful boy Sam Friday night :( and came across this forum.

I hope it’s ok to talk and for some of you to listen and help me.

Sam was almost 14 when he passed and we’d been together for 13 years. He suffered SA so was always with me, we were a couple and went everywhere together and I loved him so very much.

He’s always been a very healthy boy until 2 weeks ago when he started to become quite lethargic, off his food, vomiting and sometimes appeared as if he was drunk, his body would sway and he seemed unstable, particularly his back legs. On the 22 December i recorded him running around with his ball ❤️

Last week involved 3 trips to the vet, bloods seemed normal and all vitals were normal so the vet decided to treat for pain relief. I felt deep inside I was losing him though :(. Friday night he ate (it had been 24 hours) and we had been for a walk, however later that evening I was upstairs and I heard him coming up the stairs, I looked over and saw him struggling to get up the stairs - it broke my heart. He reached the top and sort of slumped down. His head was up but it was swaying. He seemed very sleepy and his eyes seemed to roll back. I called my friend and he came over and told me what I was painfully scared of….that I was losing my beautiful boy.

Being a Friday night I had to call the emergency vet and had no choice but to take him in and let him go. I’m truly and utterly devastated. My world is shattered and I have no idea how I’m going to move on without him by my side.

This wasn’t the ending he deserved…I knew when it was his time that I wanted the vet out to our home and not be in a surgery we weren’t familiar with.

I’ve done loads of reading trying to understand what went wrong, I know it doesn’t change things but my best friend went downhill so quickly…I wonder if he had a stroke?

What is haunting me though is that the vet struggled to find a vein and when she did she caught him and he cried/yelped out with pain before he went and this is what I’m left with - thinking that his final moments were pain and not just drifting off. this is the image I’m left with and I cant lose it.

I spoke to my vet this week about the injection and she said she’d by lying if this hadn’t happened to her and that sometimes they catch a sensitive spot; she tried to reassure me that it would’ve been brief but somehow it doesn’t make me feel better

I know so many of you here have been through this and I’d just like to some help and clarity. Was my boy in pain as they injected him before he passed? He was going deaf and I stroked and talked to him the whole time. I just hope he knows I was there til the end as I’m not sure if he could hear me.

I just cant stop crying. I have 13 years of wonderful and amazing memories and feel as if my heart has been ripped out of my chest
Bless you . I do feel for you. Lost my rescue dog Christmas 2022. It’s so tough. I have a new pup but still shed a tear for my old boy. I comfort myself in the Knowledge we gave him a loving home, In the same way you did for your beloved dog. So many dogs do not have this.

Sounds like the relationship you had was special . Cherish the memories, again, some folk never get to experience such a special bond. It’s a blessing and a Privilege
Also I’d say remember, there’s no time limit on grief. Grieve as you need to, and take the time you need.

my heartfelt sympathy to you xxxx
Arealhuman -

Yes I read your lovely post about Jimmy, it’s what prompted me to post here as everyone was so kind.

I collected Sam’s ashes yesterday. Oh my it was so difficult…. they have even given me a paw print on card and some forget-me-not seeds to plant.

I miss my boy so very much. My life feels so lost and empty without him.

Thank you for reading about my special boy :) We also have his ashes, pawprint card and forget-me-not seeds we planted. His ashes are in a memorial box which has two framed photos of him either side, and his paw print card in a frame in the middle. We have the collar he last wore on top of the box containing his ashes. God, I miss him so much. We also bought a wooden memorial box which has an engraved image of him on the top, some words, and holds all of his belongings such as his harness, some fur clippings and so on.

As I said before, the grief is always there, the memories of great times are always there, but it does get easier. The pain of losing your best friend does ease, but of course, you will neve forget them.
I also have kept the ashes of my two last boys, they are on a shelf with happy photos of them. I couldn't bare to scatter them anywhere as they were both like my shadow, so for me I wanted to keep them close. It makes me smile when I see them now remembering lots of love and happy times with them...but it of course took time...
Yes I feel the same...though I do understand for some scattering the ashes on a favourite walk or under a tree maybe and them being free, as such, is also appropriate... I think we all have to do whatever we feel is right for us as it is such a heart breaking time and these decisions are so personal...
We scattered some of Jasper's ashes on Upton Heath, our favourite haunt. Though I found it almost impossible... I so much wanted him to still be part of me I may have tried eating a small amount of them. I really, really don't advise it! I have some here in the hall, in the casket the vet returned them in, along with his collar, some of his hair, and a rosette for being the 'Most Handsome Dog in Broadstone'.
My thoughts are with you Julia, Sam sounds like he was the best companion for you and you gave him the best life, there is nothing more you could have done. It will take time but cherish all those amazing memories you have, think of those good, naughty, amusing times you shared rather than anything unhelpful.
He will always be your boy and he will always know he was loved 💙
I am the same as Hemlock, I have the collars and ID tags of every dog we have had.

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