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Lincolnshire Earthquake !

stormydog

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LINCOLNSHIRE EARTHQUAKE APPEAL PLEASE GIVE GENEROUSLY

A major earthquake measuring 5.3 on the Richter scale hit Lincolnshire in the early hours of tuesday .Its epicentre was in the Market Rasen area. Victims were seen meandering around aimlessly, muttering "Faaackinell".

The earthquake decimated the area causing approximately £30 worth of damage. Several priceless collections of historic tractors were damaged beyond repair and all three of the County's compoooooters went down.

Three areas of historic scare crows were disturbed. Many locals were woken well before their press gang Transit mini buses arrived.

Lincs FM reported that hundreds of residents were confused and bewildered and were still trying to come to terms with the fact that something interesting had happened in Lincolnshire.

One strange effect of the earthquake was to startle thousands of toads into action - but most residents returned to their homes within minutes

One resident - Tracy Sharon Smith, a 15-year-old mother of 5 said, "It was such a shock, my little Chardonnay-Mercedes come running into my bedroom crying. My youngest two, Tyler-Morgan and Victoria-Storm slept through it all. I was still shaking when I was skinning up and watching Jeremey Kyle later in the morning."

Another resident said, 'I was in bed with my five daughters and their grandmother, as usual, and on feeling the vibrations I nudged my mum in the back and said 'Has that disturbed the ducks, Duck?'

Apparently looting, muggings and car crime were unaffected and carried on as normal. The British Red Cross has so far managed to ship 4,000 crates of Sunny Delight to the area to help the stricken locals.

Rescue workers are still searching through the rubble and have found large quantities of personal belongings, including benefit books, jewellery from Elizabeth Duke at Argos and Bone China from Poundland.

HOW CAN YOU HELP?

This appeal is to raise money for food and clothing parcels for those unfortunate enough to be caught up in this disaster.

Clothing is most sought after - items most needed include:

Fila or Burberry baseball caps

Kappa tracksuit tops (his and hers)

Shell suits (female)

White sport socks

Wellington Boots & Barbour jackets

Rockport boots and any other items usually sold in Primark.

Food parcels may be harder to come by, but are needed all the same.

Required foodstuffs include:

Microwave meals, Tins of baked beans, Ice cream, Cans of Colt 45 or

Special Brew.

22p buys a biro for filling in the compensation forms and their giros.

£2 buys chips, crisps and blue fizzy drinks for a family of 9.

£5 buys B&H and a lighter to calm the nerves of those affected.

come on now help me help them !!

john..with the dog who never felt a tremor and a small black monkey
 
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My guess is Alfyn is not going to be happy... :oops: :lol:
 
john your kindness and concern for others is beyond belief :lol: you are wasted across the water our goverment needs you dam it we all need you :p you could change the world bring back cardigans . a rocking chair for all old people :) and even make it compulsory to enjoy val doonican what joy :lol: bye for now john back to my rocking chair sue :p
 
I was only there last week must have been the baked beans i ate. :x :x :x :oops:
 
Really funny :lol: Laughing lots :lol:

I'd vote for you for PM. Certainly couldn't be any worse than the one we've got :- "
 
stormydog said:
LINCOLNSHIRE EARTHQUAKE APPEAL PLEASE GIVE GENEROUSLY A major earthquake measuring 5.3 on the Richter scale hit Lincolnshire  in the early hours of tuesday .Its epicentre was in the Market Rasen area. Victims were seen meandering around aimlessly, muttering "Faaackinell".

Now Now John - KRIS did this afore -albeit about Barnsley (Still funny though) :huggles: Here
 
Safer having John as PM rather than me Mum, slightest thing peeved her off and she'd blow the budget on Thorntons!! :lol:
 
Well, I hate to put a spanner in the works BUT..We live only 6 miles away from Market Rasen , the epicentre, and a few miles from Gainsborough which received some damage.

These people were scared..It was scary.....and it isn`t funny to have your chimney falling through your house at one in the morning , is it ?

Also, many of these people have been flooded recently too and *I* can tell you that is NOT funny !!!

Now I am a Geordie lass away from home and I can laugh at your descriptions of the `locals` but in this instance ...It isn`t funny or amusing to those poor people who have damaged houses or the old people who were frightened.

Sorry.....not funny !!
 
Oh come on flowerpot,lighten up......i too live fairly close to Market rasen,& have some damage to my house,but i still find John's post hilarious! :thumbsup:

I was scared too,but hey ho,if you can't have a laugh about it,what do you do? :wacko:

My parents were fortunate not to have their house flooded(they live in Louth),although their garden was a disaster area,& their neighbours were flooded,but they all seem capable of having a laugh about it now,worrying though it was,& still is!
 
youve said it all debs :thumbsup: :huggles:
 
Flowerpot said:
Well, I hate to put a spanner in the works BUT..We live only 6 miles away from Market Rasen , the epicentre, and a few miles from Gainsborough which received some damage.
These people were scared..It was scary.....and it isn`t funny to have your chimney falling through your house at one in the morning , is it ?

Also, many of these people have been flooded recently too and *I* can tell you that is NOT funny !!!

Now I am  a Geordie lass away from home and I can laugh at your descriptions of the `locals` but in this instance ...It isn`t funny or amusing to those poor people who have damaged houses or the old people who were frightened.

Sorry.....not funny !!

ok im sorry..but it is only a joke.

i see youre a geordie lass.....id be more concerned about your football team than an earthquake :p

i hope you never ever ever eat beans or sample an indian curry incase you blow the chimney stack down from your pants :eek: ffsake id feel awful :( ;)

j o:) hn..who rebuilds chimneys with his injured dog and a black monkey
 
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I agree with ALFYN im sure we have all suffered some kind of trauma in our lives. lighten up it was ment to cheer people up we also had to deal with flooding but thats life . their are worse things than a bit of damage to property :cheers:
 
" lighten up"....who me ? (w00t) Ahhh..you don`t know me..I am light as a feather !! Unbelievably I am the life and soul of the party....Trauma..You don`t know half... you preach to the converted !! :nuke:

I am dancing about in my green wellies and hat with a pom pom on the top amid the flood waters and rubble with my doggies !! Happily wading through fields of errrr.... corn and rescuing the odd stray tractor or three...Ahhh ..This is the life !! :teehee:

I worry not about my great football team... :unsure:

John, your black monkey can make better jokes than this...I`ll wait for some to come along !!
 
nice to see you are the life and soul of the party :) I didnt think i was preaching any way have a nice day one of the converted :cheers:
 
OOOH, so glad you didn`t laugh at my bobble hat....It is pink by the way...Doesn`t match the wellies...Who cares !! Ah well, back to ponder over Newcastle United -_- -_- :wub: ....and wait for John`s black monkey to come up with a good joke !! :- " :- " :- " :- " :- " :- "
 

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