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Whilst thinking about life the universe and everything the other day, I came to a realisation that I talk to my whippets far more than a sane person should. I hold entire conversations – mainly one sided apart from the occasional woof from Lisa. It’s really the only word I ever successfully taught her. I say woof? She says woof! The trouble is that neither of us knows what it means. The upside is that she has taught it to puppy Billy. Unfortunately Frankie is a silent partner who only ever seems to bark at the track. That’s probably a good thing!
Excuse me, but I only speak when I have something worth saying. Unlike some I could mention.
Quiet Frankie, this is my article, and my thoughts. When I want your input, I’ll ask!
Hmmm touchy aren’t we …..
Where was I? Oh yes – talking to my whippets. Now being single may have something to do with it. My whippets sleep in my bedroom, and when they can, my bed (usual once they can hear me snoring!)
They hear YOUR snoring in the next county!
Shut up Frankie. Normal people sleep with females, well, or males if they are females themselves, well sometimes but not exclusively but you know what I mean.
I don’t. Are you not normal then?
Of course I’m normal – I just meant that people who sleep with other people have people to talk to and get a response from, where as single people resort to talking to dogs.
Doesn’t SOUND very normal. What about that girl you were seeing a couple of years ago?
The one in Maidstone? What about her?
That’s the one – Miss Maidstone – I didn’t like her. I especially didn’t like her moustache.
She didn’t have a moustache! Well only a little one anyway. And what’s this got to do with anything?
She used to kick us out when we tried to creep under the duvet. Ratbag.
Well that’s because “normal” people don’t have dogs in their bed! And I’m not referring to Miss Maidstone before you get in with that one!
Therefore – you are NOT normal. I rest my case!
Look Frankie – yet again you have hi-jacked my article. Please lie down and let me get on.
Is that what you used to say to her?
Frankie!!!!! Stop right now or it’s the cage for you.
Ok – I need to go outside anyway. Laterz man.
Good, he’s gone. Now as I started to say – there builds up a kind of vocabulary when you talk to your pets regularly. I realised this when I started saying things I had said before. Like when you were a kid and were cheeky to your mum and she said “You’ll smile on the other side of your face in a minute” I wish I had a pound for every time mine said that to me! What the heck does it mean anyway?
Some of the well worn bedroom phrases are “get your feet out of my back”; “stop licking the pillow” and “who’s done that????” (said while violently wafting the duvet up and down)
It wasn’t me!
Oh you are back are you? Well it was one of you, and there are only 3 to choose from. And before you suggest it – it wasn’t ME either!
It was Billy.
Oh of course it was. I know this one. Always blame the puppy eh? Just like YOU were always to blame, when you were a puppy yourself.
Nope. I always WAS to blame
Yes, well – just be quiet again please. As I was saying – the newest one came the other night. I was in a deep sleep when I became aware of being lain on. In my bemused state I said (rather too loudly, with luck the neighbours were not listening) “I hope that’s not your willy I can feel on my leg” I actually don’t want to know the answer to that one!
Ok I won’t tell you then. But it was Billy again!
Excuse me, but I only speak when I have something worth saying. Unlike some I could mention.
Quiet Frankie, this is my article, and my thoughts. When I want your input, I’ll ask!
Hmmm touchy aren’t we …..
Where was I? Oh yes – talking to my whippets. Now being single may have something to do with it. My whippets sleep in my bedroom, and when they can, my bed (usual once they can hear me snoring!)
They hear YOUR snoring in the next county!
Shut up Frankie. Normal people sleep with females, well, or males if they are females themselves, well sometimes but not exclusively but you know what I mean.
I don’t. Are you not normal then?
Of course I’m normal – I just meant that people who sleep with other people have people to talk to and get a response from, where as single people resort to talking to dogs.
Doesn’t SOUND very normal. What about that girl you were seeing a couple of years ago?
The one in Maidstone? What about her?
That’s the one – Miss Maidstone – I didn’t like her. I especially didn’t like her moustache.
She didn’t have a moustache! Well only a little one anyway. And what’s this got to do with anything?
She used to kick us out when we tried to creep under the duvet. Ratbag.
Well that’s because “normal” people don’t have dogs in their bed! And I’m not referring to Miss Maidstone before you get in with that one!
Therefore – you are NOT normal. I rest my case!
Look Frankie – yet again you have hi-jacked my article. Please lie down and let me get on.
Is that what you used to say to her?
Frankie!!!!! Stop right now or it’s the cage for you.
Ok – I need to go outside anyway. Laterz man.
Good, he’s gone. Now as I started to say – there builds up a kind of vocabulary when you talk to your pets regularly. I realised this when I started saying things I had said before. Like when you were a kid and were cheeky to your mum and she said “You’ll smile on the other side of your face in a minute” I wish I had a pound for every time mine said that to me! What the heck does it mean anyway?
Some of the well worn bedroom phrases are “get your feet out of my back”; “stop licking the pillow” and “who’s done that????” (said while violently wafting the duvet up and down)
It wasn’t me!
Oh you are back are you? Well it was one of you, and there are only 3 to choose from. And before you suggest it – it wasn’t ME either!
It was Billy.
Oh of course it was. I know this one. Always blame the puppy eh? Just like YOU were always to blame, when you were a puppy yourself.
Nope. I always WAS to blame
Yes, well – just be quiet again please. As I was saying – the newest one came the other night. I was in a deep sleep when I became aware of being lain on. In my bemused state I said (rather too loudly, with luck the neighbours were not listening) “I hope that’s not your willy I can feel on my leg” I actually don’t want to know the answer to that one!
Ok I won’t tell you then. But it was Billy again!
