Difficulties training my scared and anxious dog who has been with us for more than a year.

[Tory Dandridge]

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Hi,

First a little background:

—Occupants of the house:

Myself (20 years old), my father, Abbey (younger sister, 18 years old) and JJ, our cat.

—Onyx and Abbey

From the start, we wanted to adopt a dog for Abbey, as she always wanted one and was also slightly depressed so we figured that getting her a dog would help.

About a year and 2 months ago we adopted a very scared and anxious puppy, Onyx, who was at the time about a year old. According to the adoption centre, Onyx was abused, they don’t know how but apparently by men because he is very scared and anxious about men, not so much women.

When he first arrived he showed the classic signs of a scared dog in distress and we heeded the advice given to us and as time passed he slowly bonded *only* with my younger sister, Abbey.

As the months passed the connection between Abbey and Onyx strengthened drastically, to the point where they are now both extremely attached to one another.

In addition, Abbey has been able to train Onyx to the point where they can go on walks together without him having a lead on him and running away. On her command, he sits, lays down, comes to her and can sometimes jump.

It is worth noting that now Onyx sleeps with Abbey in her room.

—One more snippet of information

I don't live at home but return most weekends (Thursday until Sunday morning). That means that Abbey and my father are the only people at home during most of the week and I don't interact with Onyx that much.

—Difficulties

Right from the start my father and I were having trouble bonding with Onyx. No matter what we tried, he would always bark at us, growl at us, run away from us, run to Abbey and so on.

We invited at least 4 different dog trainers over the past year, each one advising us to do different things:

- One trainer advised us to stop allowing Onyx to sleep with Abbey as that is only strengthening the bond between them and hindering progress with myself and my father.

- Another advised us to throw spoons at him every time he barks or growls at us, something we all now think was very stupid and hindered any progress we had.

- A third said that it seems that the only way to move forward is to put Onyx on medication - anti-depressants - so for the past 3 months he's been taking Prozak. It doesn't seem to have made any difference.

—My father and Onyx

When one looks at it from the outside, it seems that Onyx has a dual personality disorder:

When Abbey is at school, Onyx and my father stay home and there are no problems - Onyx stays on her bed and actually sometimes comes to sit with my father. When my dad calls Onyx to go on walks he instantly comes to the door and on the walks, Onyx has his tail up and seems to enjoy himself. It all seems very promising.

*However*, the second Abbey steps through the door there seems to be a switch in Onyx's brain and he instantly turns on my dad, barking, growling, sometimes jumping at him and twice almost almost biting him.

So it seems that Onyx thinks we pose a threat to Abbey and he must protect her.

—Myself and Onyx

As mentioned above, I'm out most of the week. When I return home, I experience the same problems as my dad - Onyx is with Abbey and the second he sees or smells me he starts growling or barking.

Sometimes when Abbey isn't home I try petting him but most of the time he runs out of the room before I even have a chance to touch him.

I've tried giving him treats, going on walks with him, sitting with him and Abbey together and so on.

As time passes I feel our relationship gets worse and worse to the point where I actually dislike Onyx. Imagine - every time you return home or walk passed

him to get to the fridge or walk passed your sister's bedroom into yours or stare at Onyx one second too long - he starts growling and barking at you. It's not nice at all and at one point I actually wanted to take him back but that's not an option anymore as he has bonded too deeply with Abbey and such a thing would hurt her.

—The problem

Onyx is Abbey's responsibility - she wanted a dog and she got one. Having said that, we all contribute our time to him. Because he is Abbey's dog, she has done all the research herself about how to train him.

We've got to the point where I think Abbey has sort of given up hope. When Onyx barks at me, instead of doing something about it she just tells him to be quiet. When I ask her why she doesn't do something like putting him outside, she starts making excuses that putting him outside won't help bla bla bla.

When I offer to try and do things that may help she also makes excuses.

My father and I both think that if we put in the right amount of effort, we can achieve our goal of bonding with Onyx and "fix" him.

So I've taken things into my own hands and I'm writing this long post hoping somebody out there will be able to help.

I forgot to mention that Abbey tried on a number of different occasions to use food as a means of getting Onyx to bond with us but for some odd reason Onyx doesn't like to eat. Not food and not treats. Even Abbey has to coax him now and then to eat his food. All the trainers have tried different foods and different treats but they just don't help.

Thanks,

Tory

 

[JoanneF]

I think you may have two separate, but linked issues here. First a nervous dog, and second, his relationship with your sister. By the way, you said Onyx may have been abused by a male; may I ask are you male or female?

But I am relieved that you have decided not to follow the ridiculous advice of throwing spoons at him - that's no way to build a bond with a nervous dog; the person who suggested that really needs to look at his methods.

There are ways of building trust with nervous dogs. One of the key things is not to rush it; take it at the dog's pace. Be very aware of your body language, dogs find face to face eye contact quite intimidating. As you pass Onyx, you could try dropping (not throwing) special treats like chicken.

But - and this is what concerns me a little - I wonder If it isn't so much that he has bonded closely with Abbey but rather he is resource guarding her.

To know that for sure someone would really need to observe the behaviour.

If you can say the rough area of where you live we might be able to recommend someone who might be able to help.

 

[Josie]

Morning Tory,

Thankyou for contacting the forum. It seems like a very frustrating situation you have with Onyx. He’s sounds maybe jealous and doesn’t want to share Abbey with you? I definitely can’t see how throwing spoons at him would make the relationship between you and your dad any better - I think that trainer needs training themselves!

I’m afraid I personally don’t have much experience in this matter but you will find lots of great advice from the rest of our community!

All I would say is maybe make sure whatever you end up trying with him, do it as a team. All or nothing.

Don’t give up

 

[excuseme]

I hate to be thoroughly boring, but what type of food are you feeding Onyx ?
Diet can have an effect on some dogs temperaments and behaviour.

 

[arealhuman]

I have a rescue dog too, we love him to bits and he's the most perfect, loving pet in the home, but he is reactive to other dogs outside and has no recall. All of our walks involve evading other dogs if at all possible, and he's never let off the lead (we have taken him to a secure compound for a run around but as the weather's been terrible here we haven't been for a while. He gets lots of brisk walks though). We've also been down the trainer route, and have been subjected to different approaches - the first was for us to dominate him and show him who leads the pack (I've since discovered this method doesn't have much credibility these days), and the second was more treat/reward based. Things have definitely improved, but as I say our walks involve SAS levels of stealth and threat avoidance! I have to say though, my faith in trainers did take a knock, but that's already posted about.

I'm a first-time dog owner so take anything I say with a pinch of salt, but there are some very experienced people on here who will be happy to take advice. I'm afraid to say your challenge will be deciding what's best for your situation and putting it into practice. I do have to say though that the throwing spoons thing made me cringe, and I can't see the logic in that. In my mind, that's more likely to aggravate the problem, causing your dog fear and shock that he will probably associate with the spoon thrower (you!). It also worries me that your dog is being medicated, and again I'm no vet, but if you've seen no change, I'd suggest the medication is wrong or not needed at all.

Again, in my first-time-dog-owner view, diet is important. I've discovered that some dog food is junk and can actually induce unwanted behaviours, so review his diet. Make any changes gradually. You can see how dog food compares here. Linked to this is exercise. Is your dog getting enough? From your informative post, it sounds as though he's getting out and about which is great. I think a routine will help too where possible, going out at the same time for example. Dogs seem to like routine, as ours does - he reminds us if we're a bit late going for a walk or if it's dinner time!

I have to say your circumstances where your dog growls at you when you're near your sister reminds me of an episode of The Dog Father some time ago where a dog exhibited this behaviour towards the boyfriend of the female owner, and the behaviour was corrected, although I'm sorry to say I can't recall how You might be able to find details on his website or elsewhere online, but hopefully this gives you some hope that things can get better.

Some of the abuse these poor rescue dogs take is shocking. When we adopted ours about 15 months ago we were told that it could take up to a year for him to settle/change his behaviour and I would say this is true. Ours is older than yours (around 7 years old now) and whilst things have improved, we've resigned ourselves to saying this is how he is. He had been attacked by dogs before coming to us, and although he was fine in the presence of dogs at the rescue centre, he's still wary of them when out and about. My point is this - your dog is younger and is highly likely to be able to change his ways, so don't give up on him, and as @JoanneF has said, change at the dog's speed is likely to be the most effective.

Keep investigating options, and keep asking questions here, and let us know how it goes. Whilst I can only offer the benefit of my experience, it might help is some small way. Best of luck.

Edit - Dog's Behaving Badly on Channel 4 here - I can't tell what it is as my current browser doesn't support playback.

 

[JoanneF]

You know, it's not a reflection of any person who has adopted a dog, but It makes me quite cross when shelters rehome difficult dogs, that are clearly quite challenging, with people who don't have much experience. Not everyone has the good sense to seek (or accept) advice.

 

[doggie1]

I have a similar dog to @arealhuman , 3 months in with him, great indoors most of the time, totally reactive outside. We were going to take him to a class this weekend but we can't due to illness. I hope you sort your dog out, if only they could know what a great life they could have.

 

[Biker John]

A thought coming from left field, it's possible at his previous home he experienced a male hurting a female and in his mind your sister is in danger when males are around her. Now apart from that I cant think of anything that would help, sorry. But I hope you find some way of improving the situation.

 

[arealhuman]

You know, it's not a reflection of any person who has adopted a dog, but It makes me quite cross when shelters rehome difficult dogs, that are clearly quite challenging, with people who don't have much experience. Not everyone has the good sense to seek (or accept) advice.

I agree, although in my situation, as posted elsewhere, we observed Jimmy with other dogs at the centre and he was fine. I think perhaps it's not until he trusts other dogs - or at least tolerates them - that he becomes less vocal, as has happened with some dogs on our regular walking routes. That said, there are others he still goes mental around, but we still love him to bits . Anyway, back to the OP, I do hope you have some success and let us know how it goes.

 

[Ruth_F]

I've had several rescue dogs with varying levels of "interesting" behaviour. As for the ops original post, I would start by completely ignoring the dog, no talk, no touch, no eye contact; doing something like reading a book in the same room is a good way to do this. The dog isnt happy in your presence and this will help him get used to you. You could try going on dog walks with your Dad and your sister and you could also be responsible for his meals when you are home as these are all positive things in a dogs day.
Check how much you are feeding him as manufacturers guides are generous to say the least, I dont feed any of my dogs the amount it states on the guide and they are all a healthy weight (the poodle even got a bit fat and we had to feed him even less!), he might be more amenable to treat training if he is a bit hungry and his meals will be a real reward too.
Growling is just communication saying "stop what you are doing i dont like it", so listen to him and stop whatever it is he doesnt like.
Every interaction should be positive, ignore the 'bad' stuff, and reward the 'good' stuff - it sounds like your sister's presence is a reward, so you could try asking her to leave the room when he does something you dont like? If he doesnt growl, you could try cooing 'good boy' while your sister is fussing him? Everntually he might want a fuss from you when he trusts you. Also be aware of your nonverbal communication and make sure it is positive from the dogs perspective too.
Remember you are the human and cleverer than the dog, so figure out the outcome you want and a positive way to get that; for example dragging a dog outside is negative but going outside to play frisbee for a few minutes is positive. The outcome is the same though - the dog is outside.

 

[JoanneF]

Sadly, as seems to be the case quite often, the OP hasn't been back since posting the question. Why do people do that? It's a complex question and we have all spent quite a lot of our time trying to help by carefully wording our replies but after asking for support the person with the issue doesn't check back? I'm not having a go at this person, it seems to happen quite a lot