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Fao Sarahloveland
- Thread starter trac
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[SIZE=21pt]ha ha!! we think alike hely...got to feed kids....[/SIZE]
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[SIZE=21pt]Hey Nicky - Bluebells coat has just arrived - it's brilliant - you are so clever![/SIZE]
Thank you!
Thank you!
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[SIZE=21pt]hope sally is ok...cant get in keiths box..full up..probably trace filling it up :- " [/SIZE]
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A guy walks into a bar with a pet alligator by his side. He puts the alligator up on the bar.
He turns to the astonished patrons. "I`ll make you a deal. I`ll open this alligator`s mouth and place my genitals inside. Then the gator will close his mouth for one minute. He`ll then open his mouth and I`ll remove my unit unscathed. In return for witnessing this spectacle, each of you will buy me a drink."
The crowd murmured their approval.
The man stood up on the bar, dropped his trousers, and placed his privates in the alligator`s open mouth. The gator closed his mouth as the crowd gasped.
After a minute, the man grabbed a beer bottle and rapped the alligator hard on the top of its head. The gator opened his mouth and the man removed his genitals unscathed as promised.
The crowd cheered and the first of his free drinks were delivered.
The man stood up again and made another offer. "I`ll pay anyone $100 who`s willing to give it a try". A hush fell over the crowd.
After a while, a hand went up in the back of the bar. A woman timidly spoke up. "I`ll try, but you have to promise not to hit me on the head with the beer bottle".
He turns to the astonished patrons. "I`ll make you a deal. I`ll open this alligator`s mouth and place my genitals inside. Then the gator will close his mouth for one minute. He`ll then open his mouth and I`ll remove my unit unscathed. In return for witnessing this spectacle, each of you will buy me a drink."
The crowd murmured their approval.
The man stood up on the bar, dropped his trousers, and placed his privates in the alligator`s open mouth. The gator closed his mouth as the crowd gasped.
After a minute, the man grabbed a beer bottle and rapped the alligator hard on the top of its head. The gator opened his mouth and the man removed his genitals unscathed as promised.
The crowd cheered and the first of his free drinks were delivered.
The man stood up again and made another offer. "I`ll pay anyone $100 who`s willing to give it a try". A hush fell over the crowd.
After a while, a hand went up in the back of the bar. A woman timidly spoke up. "I`ll try, but you have to promise not to hit me on the head with the beer bottle".
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A guy walks into a bar and orders 10 shots of whiskey, which he proceeds to down, one after the other.
Bartender says, "What's the occasion, buddy?"
To which the fella replies, "My first blowjob."
The bartender says, "Well congratulations, let me buy you a shot, too."
The patron's answer, "If the first 10 didn't get the taste out of my mouth, another one's not going to help."
Bartender says, "What's the occasion, buddy?"
To which the fella replies, "My first blowjob."
The bartender says, "Well congratulations, let me buy you a shot, too."
The patron's answer, "If the first 10 didn't get the taste out of my mouth, another one's not going to help."
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A guy is in a bar with a bunch of his friends. After a while of shooting pool and drinking, he whispers something to his friends.
A few minutes later he walks over to the bartender and asks for a shot of tequila. After he takes the shot he says to the bartender,'' I'd like to make a bet with you.''
The bartender replies, ''Sure I'm in a betting mood.'' So the man bets the bartender $1,000 that he can **** in the shot glass placed all the way across the room and fill it up and not spill a drop.
The bartender says, ''I'll take that bet.''
So the man walks to the other side of the room and places the shot glass down. He goes back to the bartender and starts pissing.
He doesn't even get a drop in. He pisses all over the place. In the bartender's face, all over the barstools and everything.
After he was done pissing, the bartender laughed and said, ''You owe me $1,000.'' The man paid the money with a big smile on his face.
The bartender asked, ''How come you're so happy?''
The man replied, ''You see those five guys over there by the pool table? I bet them $300 each that I could **** all over your bar and you'd laugh about it.''
A few minutes later he walks over to the bartender and asks for a shot of tequila. After he takes the shot he says to the bartender,'' I'd like to make a bet with you.''
The bartender replies, ''Sure I'm in a betting mood.'' So the man bets the bartender $1,000 that he can **** in the shot glass placed all the way across the room and fill it up and not spill a drop.
The bartender says, ''I'll take that bet.''
So the man walks to the other side of the room and places the shot glass down. He goes back to the bartender and starts pissing.
He doesn't even get a drop in. He pisses all over the place. In the bartender's face, all over the barstools and everything.
After he was done pissing, the bartender laughed and said, ''You owe me $1,000.'' The man paid the money with a big smile on his face.
The bartender asked, ''How come you're so happy?''
The man replied, ''You see those five guys over there by the pool table? I bet them $300 each that I could **** all over your bar and you'd laugh about it.''
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A group of guys are on their way to a party, but couldn't quite remember the address to the house. ''I'm sure this is the one," said the driver. ''Well, I have got to go to the bathroom SO BAD.'' Replied one of the others, ''I'll go knock on the door, and check. If it's the wrong house, at least I'll get to a toilet!''
So he gets out and walks to the front door. He rings it once....No answer. He rings it again.....Still no answer. So, he thinks, ''This is a big house, big party, maybe the party is outside, in the backyard.'' So he walks around the house to the back, there was no one out there either. As he aproached the back door, he was suprized to find it unlocked, and opened. There was obviously no one home, so he figured he'd just quietly run inside real quick, and use there bathroom, no one would know. So, he goes inside but he can't find the bathroom anywhere. So, he quickly ran up the stairs and searched, and searched, till finally as he opened a door to a small room, he was amazed to find a GOLDEN TOILET. He had never seen anything like it, but remembering that he was in a stranger's house, and that they could at anytime return home, he quickly did his business and walked out. As he got in the car he excitedly told his friends of the AMAZING GOLDEN TOILET. They laughed in disbelief at his crazy tale. They pulled out of the driveway, arguing about it. They argued the whole way to the party.
A couple of hours later, on the way home from the party. They drive past the house with the GOLDEN TOILET. And they guy insists on stopping so he could prove to his friends the these people really did have a GOLDEN TOILET. So, they agree to check it out. So they all walk up to the front door and ring the door bell. And a woman answers the door. ''Excuse me maam, but could you please let me show my friends here your GOLDEN TOILET, they don't believe me!'' ''So YOU'RE the guy!'' The woman replies, then yells to her husband in the house, ''HONEY!?!...HERES THE GUY THAT POOPED IN YOUR TUBA!'''
So he gets out and walks to the front door. He rings it once....No answer. He rings it again.....Still no answer. So, he thinks, ''This is a big house, big party, maybe the party is outside, in the backyard.'' So he walks around the house to the back, there was no one out there either. As he aproached the back door, he was suprized to find it unlocked, and opened. There was obviously no one home, so he figured he'd just quietly run inside real quick, and use there bathroom, no one would know. So, he goes inside but he can't find the bathroom anywhere. So, he quickly ran up the stairs and searched, and searched, till finally as he opened a door to a small room, he was amazed to find a GOLDEN TOILET. He had never seen anything like it, but remembering that he was in a stranger's house, and that they could at anytime return home, he quickly did his business and walked out. As he got in the car he excitedly told his friends of the AMAZING GOLDEN TOILET. They laughed in disbelief at his crazy tale. They pulled out of the driveway, arguing about it. They argued the whole way to the party.
A couple of hours later, on the way home from the party. They drive past the house with the GOLDEN TOILET. And they guy insists on stopping so he could prove to his friends the these people really did have a GOLDEN TOILET. So, they agree to check it out. So they all walk up to the front door and ring the door bell. And a woman answers the door. ''Excuse me maam, but could you please let me show my friends here your GOLDEN TOILET, they don't believe me!'' ''So YOU'RE the guy!'' The woman replies, then yells to her husband in the house, ''HONEY!?!...HERES THE GUY THAT POOPED IN YOUR TUBA!'''
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IF GOD WAS A WOMAN.........
1. Sex would smell like chocolate.
2. Farts would smell like roses.
3. Dogs would smell spring fresh.
4. Babies would come from vending machines.
5. Men would be born with a permanent erection.
6. All women would have the same size breasts.
7. There would be no cellulite.
8. Every food on the planet would be FAT FREE.
9. Men would be born with an "OFF" switch.
10. There would be no "Tittie Bars"....Male Revue would continue.
11. Every man's paycheck would be made payable to his wife.
12. All menstrual cycles would be replaced with a 5-8 day vacation in Hawaii.
13. Men would inherit the menstrual cycle.
14. Men would come with software to be custom designed.
15. Men would come equipped with homing device for quick location by wife.
16. Men would have built in lie detector on forehead for instant verification of truth.
17. Men would be intelligent enough to tell the difference between six inches and three inches.
18. Sex would last longer than 30 seconds.
19. Foreplay would not be a quick slap on the fanny and a kiss on the cheek.
20. Viagra becomes an over the counter drug.
1. Sex would smell like chocolate.
2. Farts would smell like roses.
3. Dogs would smell spring fresh.
4. Babies would come from vending machines.
5. Men would be born with a permanent erection.
6. All women would have the same size breasts.
7. There would be no cellulite.
8. Every food on the planet would be FAT FREE.
9. Men would be born with an "OFF" switch.
10. There would be no "Tittie Bars"....Male Revue would continue.
11. Every man's paycheck would be made payable to his wife.
12. All menstrual cycles would be replaced with a 5-8 day vacation in Hawaii.
13. Men would inherit the menstrual cycle.
14. Men would come with software to be custom designed.
15. Men would come equipped with homing device for quick location by wife.
16. Men would have built in lie detector on forehead for instant verification of truth.
17. Men would be intelligent enough to tell the difference between six inches and three inches.
18. Sex would last longer than 30 seconds.
19. Foreplay would not be a quick slap on the fanny and a kiss on the cheek.
20. Viagra becomes an over the counter drug.
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A woman calls her boss one morning and tells him that she is staying home because she is not feeling well.
"What's the matter?" he asks.
"I have a case of anal glaucoma," she says in a weak voice.
"What the hell is anal glaucoma?"
"I can't see my ass coming into work today."
"What's the matter?" he asks.
"I have a case of anal glaucoma," she says in a weak voice.
"What the hell is anal glaucoma?"
"I can't see my ass coming into work today."
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