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Fao Sarahloveland

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50 women were asked what would they do if they had a dick for a day. These were the responses:

* I would write my name in the snow

* Pee off a tall building

* Check out my boyfriends reflexes

* Pin my boyfriend down and slap him in the face with it

* See how many donuts i could carry with it

* I would want a big one and show it off to everyone

* I would grab myself in public and not be embarrassed

* I would not lift the toilet seat while peeing

* I would love it and squeeze it and play with it all day

* I would get whacked to see if it really hurts

* I would get it removed

* I would see what a woman felt like on the other end

* Go to an adult store and try out all kinds of stimulants and try them out to see what was the best

* Stand up and jump up and down and watch it swing around

* I would measure it both ways

* I would play with him and make him roll over into the wet spot

* I would go into my boss' office and lay it on his desk and say 'wheres my raise?'

* I would find my ex-boyfriend and go to bed with him and tell him to roll over and try something new

* Demonstrate to my boyfriend that it is possible to hit the water and not pee all over everything

* I would walk around and prod him all night long with it
 
A guy (we'll call him Aaron) was laying down carpet in some woman's home.

As he was finishing, he got a craving for a cigarette.

Steve looked around and noticed that his smokes were missing.

He did, however, notice a lump in the carpet, and figured that he had laid carpet over the pack without noticing it there.

Steve decided rather than to take up the carpet, he would get a hammer and pound it into the ground so no one would know.

When he finished that, the owner of the house walked into the room and commented on what a nice job he had done.

''Steve, The carpet looks wonderful!'' she exclaimed.

''Here are your smokes; I found them in the kitchen. Oh yes, and by the way, have you seen my gerbil?''
 
[SIZE=21pt]sarahs at the joke book again :blink: [/SIZE]
 
It was the mailman's last day on the job after 35 years of carrying the mail through all kinds of weather to the same neighborhood. When he arrived at the first house on his route he was greeted by the whole family there, who congratulated him and sent him on his way with a big gift envelope. At the second house they presented him with a box of fine cigars. The folks at the third house handed him a selection of terrific fishing lures.

At the fourth house he was met at the door by a strikingly beautiful woman in a revealing negligee. She took him by the hand, gently led him through the door (which she closed behind him), and led him up the stairs to the bedroom where she blew his mind with the most passionate love he had ever experienced. When he had had enough they went downstairs, where she fixed him a giant breakfast: eggs, potatoes, ham, sausage, blueberry waffles, and fresh-squeezed orange juice. When he was truly satisfied she poured him a cup of steaming coffee. As she was pouring, he noticed a dollar bill sticking out from under the cup's bottom edge.

"All this was just too wonderful for words," he said, "but what's the dollar for?" "Well," she said, "last night, I told my husband that today would be your last day, and that we should do something special for you. I asked him what to give you." He said, "f*** him, give him a dollar." The lady then said, "The breakfast was my idea."
 
A beautiful, well endowed, young blonde goes to her local pet store in search of an exotic pet. As she looks about the store, she notices a box full of frogs. The sign says: `Oral Sex` frogs! Only $20 each! Money back guarantee!! (Comes with complete instructions). The girl excitedly looks around to see if anybody`s watching her and whispers softly to the man behind the counter, `I`ll take one.`

The man packaged the frog and said, `Just follow the instructions carefully.`

The girl nods, grabs the box and is quickly on her way home. As soon as she closes the door to her apartment, the girl takes out the instructions and reads them thoroughly, doing exactly what it says to do.

Take a shower

Splash on some nice smelling perfume.

Slip into a very sexy teddy.

Crawl into bed, spread your legs and put the frog down `there`.

She then quickly gets into bed, puts the frog between her legs and to her surprise, nothing happens. The girl is totally frustrated and quite upset at this point. She re-reads the instructions and notices at the bottom of the paper it says, `If you have any problems or questions, please call the pet store.` So, the girl calls the pet store. The man says, `I had some complaints earlier today. I`ll be right over.

Within five minutes, the man is ringing her doorbell. The girl welcomes him in and says, `See, I`ve done everything according to the instructions and the damn thing just sits there.` The man looking very concerned, picks up the frog, stares directly into its eyes and sternly says: `Listen to me! I`m only going to show you how to do this one more time!!!!!
 
funny-1.jpg
 
[SIZE=21pt]right im off to do the school run..........well walk over the road :wacko: [/SIZE]

catch you muppets later :blink:
 
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