Adult Joke...

[Painted Lady]

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After looking for love in all the wrong places, a man returns from the Middle

East and is feeling very ill. He goes to see his doctor, and is immediately

rushed to the Hospital to undergo tests.

The man wakes up after the tests in a private room

at the hospital. No one is around but the phone by his

bed. and it rings.

"This is your doctor. We've had the results back from your tests and we've

found you have an extremely contagious and nasty STD called 'G.A.S.H.' It's a

combination of Gonorrhea, AIDS, Syphilis, and Herpes!"

"Oh, my gosh," cried the man, "What are you going to do, doctor?"

"Well, we're going to put you on a diet of pizzas,

pancakes, and pita bread."

"Will that cure me???" asked the man.

The doctor replied, "Well no, but....they're the only foods we can get under

the door."

(w00t)

 

[hely]

oh christ, sarah is off again

 

[Painted Lady]

One day a man comes home from work to find total mayhem at home! The kids were

outside still in their pajamas playing in the mud and muck. There were empty

food boxes and wrappers all around. As he proceeded into the house, he found an

even bigger mess. Dishes on the counter, dog food spilled on the floor, a broken

glass under the table, and a small pile of sand by the back door. The family

room was strewn with toys and various items of clothing, and a lamp had been

knocked over.

He headed up the stairs, stepping over toys, to look for his wife. He was

becoming worried that she may be ill, or that something had happened to her. He

found her in the bedroom, still in bed with her pajamas on, reading a book.

She looked up at him, smiled, and asked how his day went. He looked at her

bewildered and asked, "What happened here today?"

She again smiled and answered, "You know everyday when you come home from work

and ask me what I did today?"

"Yes," was his reply?

She answered, "Well, today I didn't do it!"

 

[Painted Lady]

After having watched a number of fashion shows, a woman became obsessed with

the modern vogue. She started inventing all kinds of attires. Once her husband

came home and saw his wife walk naked in the apartment.

"What's that?" he asked.

"Ah, you're ignorant of the new trends in fashion. This is just my new erotic

costume."

"Then at least iron it."

(w00t)

 

[hely]

After having watched a number of fashion shows, a woman became obsessed with the modern vogue. She started inventing all kinds of attires. Once her husband

came home and saw his wife walk naked in the apartment.

"What's that?" he asked.

"Ah, you're ignorant of the new trends in fashion. This is just my new erotic

costume."

"Then at least iron it."

(w00t)

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

​

 

[trac]

-_- -_-

 

[Painted Lady]

This guy went into a bar and ordered a beer. He happened to look down the bar

and see a man sitting there with a head the size of a cue ball. So he walked

down and said to the man, “Excuse me sir, I don't mean to be rude but I noticed

you have a small head. Is this a birth defect?” The man said “No, I got this in

the war. The German’s in WWII torpedoed my ship. I was the only survivor on the

ship so I swam to shore. One day a mermaid swam up to me and said she would

grant me three wishes. For my first wish I wanted to return to the U.S. The

mermaid granted that wish. My second wish was to have all the money I would ever

need. Wish granted. My third wish was to have sex with the mermaid. She said, ‘I

can't grant that wish because mermaids can't have sex.’”

So I said, “How about a little head?”

(w00t) (w00t)

 

[Painted Lady]

A woman sends her husband out to buy some escargot

for a dinner party that night. Instead of going

straight to the store, the husband decides to stop

at a local bar. He has a few beers, and then some

more, and pretty soon he looks at his watch and finds

he's over an hour late for the dinner party. He

dashes to the store, picks up the escargot, and

frantically drives home. When he walks in the door

he can hear his wife coming from the kitchen. So he

takes the bag of snails and quickly throws them

all over the floor. When his wife walks into the room,

he says, "Come on guys, we're almost there!"

oh god this one sucks...in fact they all do....hely and trace,you take over...i am hanging up the joke crown

 

[hely]

 

[k4tie-d]

dont know if this has been put up before but having 2 small kiddies that find great joy in getting me to eat there fingers and toes i found this very funny.

DADDY'S GONNA EAT YOUR FINGERS ...

This one is for everyone who ...

a) had kids

b) has kids

c) is going to have kids

d) Knows a kid

e) was a kid

I was packing for my business trip and my three year old daughter

was having a wonderful time playing on the bed.

At one point she said, 'Daddy, look at this,' and stuck out two of

her fingers.

Trying to keep her entertained, I reached out and stuck her tiny fingers in my

mouth and said, 'Daddy's gonna eat your fingers,' pretending

to eat them. I went back to packing, looked up again and my daughter

was standing on the bed staring at her fingers with a devastated look on her face.

I said, 'What's wrong, honey?'

She replied, 'What happened to my bogie?'

 

[Painted Lady]

dont know if this has been put up before but having 2 small kiddies that find great joy in getting me to eat there fingers and toes i found this very funny.

DADDY'S GONNA EAT YOUR FINGERS ...

This one is for everyone who ...

a) had kids

b) has kids

c) is going to have kids

d) Knows a kid

e) was a kid

I was packing for my business trip and my three year old daughter

was having a wonderful time playing on the bed.

At one point she said, 'Daddy, look at this,' and stuck out two of

her fingers.

Trying to keep her entertained, I reached out and stuck her tiny fingers in my

mouth and said, 'Daddy's gonna eat your fingers,' pretending

to eat them. I went back to packing, looked up again and my daughter

was standing on the bed staring at her fingers with a devastated look on her face.

I said, 'What's wrong, honey?'

She replied, 'What happened to my bogie?'

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

​

:teehee: :teehee: