Adult Joke...

[Painted Lady]

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HER STORY:

He was in an odd mood when I got to the bar to meet him. I thought it might

have been because I was a bit late. He didn't say anything much about it. He

seemed silent, distracted and his only eye contact seemed judgmental. I decided

maybe I should never wear that dress again. Well, maybe it was the color. Maybe

I should never wear this color again either. The conversation was so slow going

so I thought maybe we should go off somewhere more intimate so we could talk

more privately. He didn't really seem to agree, but we went off to this quiet,

little restaurant and he's STILL acting a bit funny and I'm trying to cheer him

up, be witty, and tell cute stories, but I start to wonder whether it's me or

something else. He doesn't smile much, so I ask him, but he says no. But you

know I'm not really sure. I wonder and then I think about the 5 pounds I gained

this past month. I bet he thinks I'm a fat hog now. Anyway, in the cab back to

his house, I say that I love him and he just puts his arm around me, but doesn't

squeeze. I don't know what the hell this all means or what I should think

because you know he doesn't say it back or do anything. We finally get back to

his place and I'm wondering if he's going to dump me. So I try to ask him about

it, but he just switches on the TV. Reluctantly, I say I'm going to sleep. Then,

after about 10 minutes or so, he joins me and we have sex. But, he still seems

really, really distracted, so afterwards I just wanted to leave. I roll over and

sniffle a little real quietly. He snores. I don’t know, I just don't know, what

he thinks anymore. I mean, do you think he's met someone else?

HIS STORY:

Hard day at work. Really tired. Got laid though.

 

[Painted Lady]

HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A MAN

1. Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them

in a pile on the floor.

2. Walk to bathroom wearing a towel. If you see your girlfriend/wife

along the way, flash her.

3. Look at your manly physique in the mirror and suck in your gut to see

if you have pecks. (No.)

4. Turn on the water.

5. Check for pecks again. (Still no.)

6. Get in the shower.

7. Don't bother to look for a washcloth. (You don't use one.)

8. Wash your face.

9. Wash your armpits.

10. Wash your penis and surrounding area.

11. Wash your ass.

12. Shampoo your hair. (Do not use conditioner.)

13. Make a shampoo Mohawk.

14. Open the door and look at you in the mirror.

15. Pee.

16. Rinse off and get out of the shower.

17. Return to the bedroom wearing a towel, if you pass your girlfriend/wife,

flash her.

 

[Painted Lady]

A man is dating three women and wants to decide which to marry. He decides to

give them a test. He gives each woman a present of $5000 and watches to see what

she does with the money.

The first does a total makeover. She goes to a fancy beauty salon, gets her

hair done, new make up, buys several new outfits, and dresses up very nicely for

the man. She tells him that she has done this to be more attractive for him

because she loves him so much.

The man was impressed.

The second goes shopping to buy the man gifts. She gets him a new set of golf

clubs, some new gizmos for his computer, and some expensive clothes. As she

presents these gifts, she tells him that she has spent all the money on him

because she loves him so much.

Again, the man is impressed.

The third invests the money in the stock market. She earns several times the

$5000. She gives him back his $5000 and reinvests the remainder in a joint

account. She tells him that she wants to save for their future because she loves

him so much.

Obviously, the man was impressed.

The man thought for a long time about what each woman had done with the money,

and then he married the one with the largest breasts.

 

[hely]

christ woman, you still at it........no one likes your jokes :- "

 

[lillybet]

[SIZE=21pt]Well I like your jokes[/SIZE]

I only started reading this to find out what no 9 was :lol: :lol:

boy have I learned alot

Lillibet

 

[Painted Lady]

[SIZE=21pt]Well I like your jokes[/SIZE]

I only started reading this to find out what no 9 was  :lol:   :lol:

boy have I learned alot 

Lillibet

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

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[SIZE=14pt]thankyou...nice to see someone appreciates my jokes :thumbsup: [/SIZE]

 

[Painted Lady]

At 3 am a desk clerk at a hotel gets a call from a drunk guy asking what time

the bar opens.

"It opens at noon”, answers the clerk.

About an hour, later he gets a call from the same guy, sounding even drunker.

"What time does the bar open?" he asks.

"Same time as before - noon”, replies the clerk.

Another hour passes and he calls again, plastered. "Whatnot shay the bar

opines at?"

The clerk then answers, "It opens at noon, but if you can't wait, I can have

room service send something up to you”.

"No! I don't want to get in, ah want to get OUT!" (w00t)

 

[trac]

-_- -_-

 

[hely]

oh god there getting worse :wacko:

 

[Painted Lady]

oh god sarah,you are the best joke teller on k9 :wacko:

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

​

 

[hely]

nob

 

[trac]

oh god sarah,you are the biggest joke  on k9 :wacko:

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

​

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

​

 

[hely]

nice trac (w00t) :thumbsup:

 

[Painted Lady]

Guy leaves the bar, hoping he can get home early enough not to **** his wife

off for drinking after work. He gets home and finds his boss in bed with his

wife.

Later, back at the bar, the guy tells the bartender the story, "Wow, that's

awful, what did you do?"

"Well, I carefully snuck back out the door, and hightailed it back here,

shoot, they we're just getting started, so I figure, I got time for a couple

more beers."

(w00t)

 

[Painted Lady]

Two guys are in a bar discussing their sex lives. One guy says to the other,

"How's your sex life, buddy?"

The other guy answers, "Not too good. Every time me and the missus have sex,

she loses interest halfway through. It's very frustrating. "

The first guy says, "Yeah, I know what you mean. I used to have the same

problem, but I found a cure. I hid a starter pistol under the bed. When she

started to run out of steam, I simply fired the starter pistol. It gave her such

a fright that she got all excited, and couldn't get enough. I wish I'd done it

years ago!"

The other guy says, "Hamm... I think I'll try that."

The next day they are back in the bar again. The first guy says, "How did you

get on with the starter pistol?"

The other guy says, "Don't talk to me about starter pistols! Last night we

were having a little 69. As usual, she lost interest half way through, so I

fired the bloody starter pistol, just like you said." The first guy says, "

So??? What happened?"

The other guy says, "She bit my cock, pooped on my face, and a naked man came

out of the closet with his hands up! "

(w00t)

 

[hely]

 

[Painted Lady]

This guy walks into a bar, pulls out a tiny piano and stool, and a tiny little

man. The tiny man sits down, and starts to play the piano. This other guy

notices it.

“ Hey, what's that?”

“A twelve-inch pianist. Yaw see, I found this magic lamp, rubbed it, made a

wish, I got a twelve inch pianist.”

“Can I try?” The man with the piano agrees and a minute later, a million ducks

fill the room.

“Ducks? I didn't wish for a million ducks, I wished for a million bucks!”

“Yaw think I really wished for a twelve inch pianist?”

(w00t)

 

[hely]

i guess that one was quite good.........................................for you :- "

 

[Painted Lady]

A drunk gets up from the bar and heads for the bathroom. A few minutes later,

a loud, blood-curdling scream is heard coming from the bathroom.

A few minutes after that, another loud scream echoes through the bar. The

bartender goes into the bathroom to investigate what the drunk is screaming

about.

The bartender yells, "What's all the screaming about in there? You're scaring

my customers!"

The drunk responds, "I'm just sitting here on the toilet and every time I try

to flush, something comes up and squeezes the hell out of my balls."

The bartender opens the door and looks in.

You idiot! You're sitting on the mop bucket!

(w00t)

 

[hely]

crap!