yeah righto, i will let you think you are right :- "
(just this once)
(just this once)
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Adult Joke...
- Thread starter Painted Lady
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[SIZE=21pt]ha ha!! i am victorious!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!![/SIZE]
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[SIZE=14pt]meet my new man............... 
h34r: have dumped shaun....[/SIZE]
h34r: have dumped shaun....[/SIZE][SIZE=21pt]lovely eye'sPainted Lady said:
[/SIZE]
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yes he does....a certain mystery about him...cant put my finger on it though........
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A little boy came down to breakfast, since they live on a farm, his mother asked him if he had done his chores. "Not yet' says the little boy.
His mother tells him no breakfast until he does his chores. Well he is a little upset so he goes to feed the chickens, and he kicks a chicken. He goes to feed the pigs and he kicks a pig. He goes to feed the cows and he kicks a cow.
He goes back for breakfast and his mother gave him a bowl of dry cereal. "How come I don't get any eggs & bacon?" he asked.
"Well, his mother says, I saw you kick a chicken so you don't get any eggs for a week, I saw you kick a pig so you don't get any bacon for a week, I saw you kick a cow, so for a week you are not getting any milk."
Just then his father comes down for breakfast and kicks the puss half way across the kitchen. The little boy looks up at his mother with a smile and says, "Are you going to tell him, or should I?" (w00t) (w00t)
His mother tells him no breakfast until he does his chores. Well he is a little upset so he goes to feed the chickens, and he kicks a chicken. He goes to feed the pigs and he kicks a pig. He goes to feed the cows and he kicks a cow.
He goes back for breakfast and his mother gave him a bowl of dry cereal. "How come I don't get any eggs & bacon?" he asked.
"Well, his mother says, I saw you kick a chicken so you don't get any eggs for a week, I saw you kick a pig so you don't get any bacon for a week, I saw you kick a cow, so for a week you are not getting any milk."
Just then his father comes down for breakfast and kicks the puss half way across the kitchen. The little boy looks up at his mother with a smile and says, "Are you going to tell him, or should I?" (w00t) (w00t)
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Two hunters are out in the woods in New Jersey when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed.
The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps 'My friend is dead! What can I do?' The operator says: 'Calm down, I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead.' There is a silence, then a shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says 'OK, now what?' (w00t)
The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps 'My friend is dead! What can I do?' The operator says: 'Calm down, I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead.' There is a silence, then a shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says 'OK, now what?' (w00t)
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Things That Are Difficult to Say When You're Drunk:
Innovative
Preliminary
Proliferation
Cinnamon
Things That Are VERY Difficult to Say When You're Drunk:
Specificity
British Constitution
Passive-aggressive disorder
Transubstantiate
Things That Are Downright IMPOSSIBLE to Say When You're Drunk:
Thanks, but I don't want to sleep with you
Nope, no more booze for me
Sorry, but you're not really my type
No kebab for me, thank you
Good evening officer, isn't it lovely out tonight?
I'm not interested in fighting you.
Oh, I just couldn't - no one wants to hear me sing
No, I wont make any attempt to dance thanks, I have zero co-ordination.
Where is the nearest toilet? I refuse to urinate over the nearest cash machine or shop front.
Innovative
Preliminary
Proliferation
Cinnamon
Things That Are VERY Difficult to Say When You're Drunk:
Specificity
British Constitution
Passive-aggressive disorder
Transubstantiate
Things That Are Downright IMPOSSIBLE to Say When You're Drunk:
Thanks, but I don't want to sleep with you
Nope, no more booze for me
Sorry, but you're not really my type
No kebab for me, thank you
Good evening officer, isn't it lovely out tonight?
I'm not interested in fighting you.
Oh, I just couldn't - no one wants to hear me sing
No, I wont make any attempt to dance thanks, I have zero co-ordination.
Where is the nearest toilet? I refuse to urinate over the nearest cash machine or shop front.
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- 0
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- 0
A man boards an airplane, and takes his seat. As he settles in, he glances up and sees a beautiful woman boarding the plane. He soon realises she is heading straight towards his seat. A wave of nervous anticipation washes over him.
Lo and behold, she takes the seat right beside him. Anxious to strike up a conversation, he blurts out, "So, where are you flying to today?"
She turns and smiles, and says, "To the annual Nymphomaniacs Convention in Chicago."
He swallows hard, instantly crazed with excitement. Here's the most gorgeous woman he has ever seen, sitting right next to him, and she's going to a meeting of nymphomaniacs. Struggling to maintain his outward cool, he calmly asks, "And what's your role at this convention?" She flips her hair back, turns to him, looks onto his eyes, and says,
"I will be speaking, debunking some of the popular myths about sexuality."
"Really", he says, swallowing hard. "And what myths are those?"
She explains: "Well, one popular myth is that African American men are the most well-endowed, when, in fact, it is the Native American Indian who is most likely to possess this trait. Another popular myth is that Frenchmen are the best lovers, when actually it is men of Irish descent who romance women best, on average."
"Very interesting," the man responds.
Suddenly, the woman becomes very embarrassed, and blushes. "I'm sorry," she says, "I feel so awkward discussing this with you, and I don't even know your name."
The man extends his hand and replies, "Tonto. Tonto O'Sullivan.
Lo and behold, she takes the seat right beside him. Anxious to strike up a conversation, he blurts out, "So, where are you flying to today?"
She turns and smiles, and says, "To the annual Nymphomaniacs Convention in Chicago."
He swallows hard, instantly crazed with excitement. Here's the most gorgeous woman he has ever seen, sitting right next to him, and she's going to a meeting of nymphomaniacs. Struggling to maintain his outward cool, he calmly asks, "And what's your role at this convention?" She flips her hair back, turns to him, looks onto his eyes, and says,
"I will be speaking, debunking some of the popular myths about sexuality."
"Really", he says, swallowing hard. "And what myths are those?"
She explains: "Well, one popular myth is that African American men are the most well-endowed, when, in fact, it is the Native American Indian who is most likely to possess this trait. Another popular myth is that Frenchmen are the best lovers, when actually it is men of Irish descent who romance women best, on average."
"Very interesting," the man responds.
Suddenly, the woman becomes very embarrassed, and blushes. "I'm sorry," she says, "I feel so awkward discussing this with you, and I don't even know your name."
The man extends his hand and replies, "Tonto. Tonto O'Sullivan.
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lol is this the crap jokes thread, gotta admit some of them are that bad they made me laugh (w00t)
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dana said:
:teehee: :teehee:
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