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Fao Sarahloveland

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alright hely? you sound a tab chuffed off..sarah sending you big huggy
angel_3.gif
...how annoying is a dog with an empty bag of crisps eh?? murph has been licking and rustling and DRIVING ME MAD with my salt and vin that i just scoffed...and just threw on the floor cos i am having a "balls to being tidy" moment....maybe if i had put it in the bin then he wouldnt have got hold of it but that would put pay to my untidy mode i am in...now if the kids were here i would be bawling at them for leaving empty wrappers everywhere.........
 
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In a city park stood two statues, one female and the other male. These two statues faced each other for many years.

Early one morning, an angel appeared before the statues and said, "Since the two of you have been exemplary statues and have brought enjoyment to many people, I am giving you your greatest wish. I herby give you the gift of life. You have 30 minutes to do whatever you desire."

And with that command, the statues came to life, smiled at each other, ran toward some nearby woods and dove behind a couple of bushes.

The angel smiled to himself as he listened to the two statues giggling, bushes rustling and twigs snapping. After 15 minutes, the two statues emerged from the bushes, satisfied and smiling. Puzzled, the angel looked at his watch and asked the statues, "You still have 15 minutes. Would you like to continue?"

The male statue looked at the female and asked, "Do you want to do it again?"

Smiling, the female statue said, "Sure. But this time you hold the pigeon down and I'll crap on its head." :lol:
 
A young deaf-mute couple gets married. At first, they have sex with the lights on, in order to sign to each other.

One day, the woman asks, "Can we try to make love with the lights off?"

The man says, "OK, but how will you know when I want to make love?"

The woman says, "Well, when you're in the mood, just shake my left breast once, and I'll know. If you don't want to, shake my right breast once."

The man says, "All right. And if you want to make love to me, shake my penis once, if you do not want to make love to me, shake my penis about 50 times"

:eek:
 
As an airplane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces, "If I'm going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman."

She removes all her clothing and asks, "Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?"

A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, "Here, iron this!".

:p
 
The newlyweds are in their honeymoon room and the groom decides to let the bride know where she stands right from the start of the marriage.

He proceeds to take off his trousers and throw them at her. He says, "Put those on."

The bride replies, "I can't wear your trousers."

He replies, "And don't forget that! I will always wear the pants in the family!"

The bride takes off her knickers and throws them at him with the same request, "Try those on!"

He replies,"I can't get into your knickers!"

"And you never bloody will if you don't change your attitude." :thumbsup:
 
A woman in the bar says that she wants to have plastic surgery to enlarge her breasts. Her husband tells her, "Hey, you don't need surgery to do that. I know how to do it without surgery."

The lady asks, "How do I do it without surgery?"

"Just rub toilet paper between them."

Startled the lady asks, "How does that make them bigger?"

"I don't know, but it worked for your ass."

:teehee:
 
A string walks into a bar with a few friends and orders a beer. The bartender says, "I'm sorry, but we don't serve strings here."

The string goes back to his table. He ties himself in a loop and messes up the top of his hair. He walks back up to the bar and orders a beer.

The bartender squints at him and says, "Hey, aren't you a string?"

The string says, "Nope, I'm a frayed knot."

-_-
 
keep posting sarah then juney wont read back :unsure:
 
trac said:
keep posting sarah then juney wont read back :unsure:
Click to expand...
Errrr Juney has read back - you'll need more than a guard dog when I get hold of you :angry:

 

Hair is OK actually :D

 

Sarah, I could have sworn your sig pic was an old woman this morning :eek:
 
June Jonigk said:
trac said:
keep posting sarah then juney wont read back :unsure:
Click to expand...
Errrr Juney has read back - you'll need more than a guard dog when I get hold of you :angry:

 

Hair is OK actually :D

 

Sarah, I could have sworn your sig pic was an old woman this morning :eek:
Click to expand...
evening juney :D

strange goings on ,on k9 then juney (w00t)
 
morning fannys!!! as if i would put an old woman as my sig pic :eek: ....i sense dastardly deeds afoot....
 
now leave my lady luck alone you lot!!!! i need all the help she can give me :p lil gets her staples out today thank frig...then i can take that t shirt off of her...she has chewed out of 3 other ones :eek: mare she is for chewing....
 
my crate has arrived from ebay!! 48" came with a polar fleece bed and 5 lint rollers all for 45 smackers!!! cant get better than that can ya!!!!
 
where are you all????? i am all on me ownsome :( done all me chores...oh..got to take 2 dvd's back to blockbusters...watched them yesterday...just eaten a ham and crisp sanger...washed it down with a brew...picked a crisp out of me back teeth...spat it on the floor....didnt really...spat it at Flynn...

 

bored bored vored vooed boebf b bdjweuhiwrfbhuwefbileufgoeiufhoi nj
 
right..so thats the score eh?? leaving me alone when you all know i get scared....well,big hairy balls to you lot....i am off..and i might not come back and then you will be sorry wont ya?! but then it will be too late haha!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

 

CALL YOURSELF MATES?? HA!!!!
 
i will be back really..dont want any of you having your weekend ruined cos of me..i mean...i know its hard without me and to be honest i would miss me if i wasnt me.....so relax ladies!!! anyone want anything from my local friendly tesco express???? my treat :D
 
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